006 | written

[itwas-raining.livejournal.com]

[When faced with dealing with a bad breakup, some people mope and cry. Others finish off whole pints of ice cream in one sitting. Julia, however, has chosen a more constructive outlet. For the past few hours at least, she's commandeered a table at the Paradisa Perk to write a letter venting out all of her feelings regarding Gwaine and the entire situation.

Which is all fine and good, except for one small detail. She has accidentally started writing parts of the very rough draft of this letter into the journal.]

You lied to me. You betrayed me. Do you know how much that hurts? I'm sure you can't even begin to understand how much. For what you did, I should never speak to you again. No, I should never forgive you. I thought you'd never hurt me like that. I can't look at you the same way ever again. I can't trust you anymore. I can't be with someone I can't trust.

[The pen pauses.]

But there isn't a day that goes by that I don't miss you. All I want is to hear the sound of your voice again. To wake up next to you. To let you call me your queen. I don't want to think about it, but it's all I can think about. I want for you to come back to me. Without you, there's a hole in my life I can't fill.

I lov--

[The writing suddenly stops.

... Yes, Paradisa. You now have front-row seats to something intensely personal that was never meant to be seen by anyone. It doesn't matter that the one who put it there is now frantically trying to scratch everything out. The damage has already been done.]


[[OOC: Friends loss! Anyone remember the 18-page letter that Rachel wrote to Ross and he fell asleep reading? This is something like that.]]

Comments

awkward scribbling ensues.

[hotforhooker.livejournal.com]

[The journals were mildly fascinating to Mal in a morally questionable way. There were entries obviously meant for the populace's eyes. Those were fine, and he liked flipping through on occasion. Nosy? Did the concept even apply to public logs? Had it? He obviously needed to know what kind of people were around him. For safety's sake.

However, when he got to the most recent addition to his little book of horror he paused and felt a moment of unease -- see, he'd never been very good with feelings and he had hit the mother load. For a second he just sits there and stares... debating if he should offer a strained word of encouragement or something. Before she gets 'love you' out preferably. Have you seen a man pull out a pen so fast before? No? First time for everything then.]



[He should know. He's not the most honest man.]

all the beautiful awkward :')

[itwas-raining.livejournal.com]

[Oh. fuck.

... Or, at the very least, that would be the general sentiment if Julia could make sense of her own thoughts right now enough to form words. If there's one thing that gets to her, even now in this castle-induced loss state, it's anything private getting out into the open like that. She'd realized her blunder (yeah, she's been a little emotional this week, and not thinking terribly clearly as a result), and she's tried, but apparently she wasn't fast enough. If this stranger had seen, then anyone could have seen. Gwaine could have seen....

It's with some hesitation that she writes back. But, hey, if they've seen all this, she really doesn't have anything to hide anymore, now does she?]

I know.

/snowballllllls

[hotforhooker.livejournal.com]

[He thinks for a second there that the person on the other side may be too mortified to respond, which is oddly enough okay. If they're embarrassed, he's embarrassed... well, this anonymous person and he are chums in a roundabout way.

Way to burst his bubble. He scratched at his jaw absentmindedly, too busy staring at the simple 'I know'. Oi... lass didn't give him anything to work with. IN THE TINIEST SCRIPT EVER:]

You er... I don't offer this any and you can ask anyone I'm shit for comforting ...

What I was saying is doyouwantahug?

[OH DEAR GOD. HIS BRAIN. HIS BRAIN IS MAYDAY-ING ALL OVER THE PLACE. Too late though]

[worldweary-wolf.livejournal.com]

Uh...Look, lady, I don't mean to interrupt, but I don't think thi...Oh, it seems you've got it.

[itwas-raining.livejournal.com]

[Another one? Oh, this is going from bad to worse.]

I do.

[Now don't comment about anything in it so she can save the last shreds of her dignity :(]

[gwaine.livejournal.com]

[Here's the voice you wanted to hear, Julia. So far you're safe as his brain is currently in what passes for a blue screen of death in people born and raised without computers and thus that reference.]

...Julia?

[itwas-raining.livejournal.com]

[Yes, that is the voice she wanted to hear. More than anything. But at this precise moment, she's not really sure how she feels about it. It was more of an exercise in making sense of her own jumbled thoughts than anything; she wasn't sure if she wanted him to read it at all, much less right now.

A quiet, steadying breath on her end.]

You read it?

[gottaknockhard.livejournal.com]

[... This is even more awkward in context. Spike would like to say something... but knowing who all read that might not make her feel better. So instead he'll close the journal and give them whatever passes for privacy in a magic castle. And come back to this page when he needs to die inside later.]

[itwas-raining.livejournal.com]

[Thank you, Spike. You're a pal.

Let's not talk about what happens later.]

[nurse-boy.livejournal.com]

[wow, does he ever feel sorry for this girl. He'd say something back--that maybe this unnamed bloke didn't mean to betray her, didn't mean to lie, that maybe he had no choice or wasn't himself--but it's obviously something very personal to her. Likewise, the circumstances of his own lie and betrayal to Amy, while made very public... well, the terms of their reconciliation is so personal and private he doesn't think he could share anyway. He just feels badly that this girl's situation sounds so close to his own, and how Amy had once felt, that he wishes he could give her hope. He destroyed Amy's trust in him, yet she was able to find it again--enough so to even marry him. Maybe this girl could find her trust again too.

He just wouldn't know where to even start saying so]

[itwas-raining.livejournal.com]

[Julia, of course, isn't aware of who all is on the other end here. It could be the entire castle, for all she knows. Having access to her most private thoughts in this weird, alternate loss-reality the castle has currently put her on. Even in this state, there's nothing more mortifying to her. Can anything stay private in a place like this?

But on some level, she'd appreciate that sentiment.]

/now with even more awkward

[ectobabble.livejournal.com]

Um ...

Gee, I ... I don't think I was s'posed to see this. And ... m'sorry? I won't tell anyone about it, if that'll help you feel better?

LMAO. I love it even if she doesn't XD

[itwas-raining.livejournal.com]

[Not again.

It's a bit before she actually answers. And by the time she does, she sounds more resigned about it than anything.]

It might.

awkward scribbling ensues.

[hotforhooker.livejournal.com]

[The journals were mildly fascinating to Mal in a morally questionable way. There were entries obviously meant for the populace's eyes. Those were fine, and he liked flipping through on occasion. Nosy? Did the concept even apply to public logs? Had it? He obviously needed to know what kind of people were around him. For safety's sake.

However, when he got to the most recent addition to his little book of horror he paused and felt a moment of unease -- see, he'd never been very good with feelings and he had hit the mother load. For a second he just sits there and stares... debating if he should offer a strained word of encouragement or something. Before she gets 'love you' out preferably. Have you seen a man pull out a pen so fast before? No? First time for everything then.]



[He should know. He's not the most honest man.]

all the beautiful awkward :')

[itwas-raining.livejournal.com]

[Oh. fuck.

... Or, at the very least, that would be the general sentiment if Julia could make sense of her own thoughts right now enough to form words. If there's one thing that gets to her, even now in this castle-induced loss state, it's anything private getting out into the open like that. She'd realized her blunder (yeah, she's been a little emotional this week, and not thinking terribly clearly as a result), and she's tried, but apparently she wasn't fast enough. If this stranger had seen, then anyone could have seen. Gwaine could have seen....

It's with some hesitation that she writes back. But, hey, if they've seen all this, she really doesn't have anything to hide anymore, now does she?]

I know.

[worldweary-wolf.livejournal.com]

Uh...Look, lady, I don't mean to interrupt, but I don't think thi...Oh, it seems you've got it.

[itwas-raining.livejournal.com]

[Another one? Oh, this is going from bad to worse.]

I do.

[Now don't comment about anything in it so she can save the last shreds of her dignity :(]

[gwaine.livejournal.com]

[Here's the voice you wanted to hear, Julia. So far you're safe as his brain is currently in what passes for a blue screen of death in people born and raised without computers and thus that reference.]

...Julia?

[itwas-raining.livejournal.com]

[Yes, that is the voice she wanted to hear. More than anything. But at this precise moment, she's not really sure how she feels about it. It was more of an exercise in making sense of her own jumbled thoughts than anything; she wasn't sure if she wanted him to read it at all, much less right now.

A quiet, steadying breath on her end.]

You read it?

[gottaknockhard.livejournal.com]

[... This is even more awkward in context. Spike would like to say something... but knowing who all read that might not make her feel better. So instead he'll close the journal and give them whatever passes for privacy in a magic castle. And come back to this page when he needs to die inside later.]

[itwas-raining.livejournal.com]

[Thank you, Spike. You're a pal.

Let's not talk about what happens later.]

[nurse-boy.livejournal.com]

[wow, does he ever feel sorry for this girl. He'd say something back--that maybe this unnamed bloke didn't mean to betray her, didn't mean to lie, that maybe he had no choice or wasn't himself--but it's obviously something very personal to her. Likewise, the circumstances of his own lie and betrayal to Amy, while made very public... well, the terms of their reconciliation is so personal and private he doesn't think he could share anyway. He just feels badly that this girl's situation sounds so close to his own, and how Amy had once felt, that he wishes he could give her hope. He destroyed Amy's trust in him, yet she was able to find it again--enough so to even marry him. Maybe this girl could find her trust again too.

He just wouldn't know where to even start saying so]

[itwas-raining.livejournal.com]

[Julia, of course, isn't aware of who all is on the other end here. It could be the entire castle, for all she knows. Having access to her most private thoughts in this weird, alternate loss-reality the castle has currently put her on. Even in this state, there's nothing more mortifying to her. Can anything stay private in a place like this?

But on some level, she'd appreciate that sentiment.]

/now with even more awkward

[ectobabble.livejournal.com]

Um ...

Gee, I ... I don't think I was s'posed to see this. And ... m'sorry? I won't tell anyone about it, if that'll help you feel better?

LMAO. I love it even if she doesn't XD

[itwas-raining.livejournal.com]

[Not again.

It's a bit before she actually answers. And by the time she does, she sounds more resigned about it than anything.]

It might.