paradisalost | 006

[When faced with dealing with a bad breakup, some people mope and cry. Others finish off whole pints of ice cream in one sitting. Julia, however, has chosen a more constructive outlet. For the past few hours at least, she's commandeered a table at the Paradisa Perk to write a letter venting out all of her feelings regarding Gwaine and the entire situation.

Which is all fine and good, except for one small detail. She has accidentally started writing parts of the very rough draft of this letter into the journal.]

You lied to me. You betrayed me. Do you know how much that hurts? I'm sure you can't even begin to understand how much. For what you did, I should never speak to you again. No, I should never forgive you. I thought you'd never hurt me like that. I can't look at you the same way ever again. I can't trust you anymore. I can't be with someone I can't trust.

[The pen pauses.]

But there isn't a day that goes by that I don't miss you. All I want is to hear the sound of your voice again. To wake up next to you. To let you call me your queen. I don't want to think about it, but it's all I can think about. I want for you to come back to me. Without you, there's a hole in my life I can't fill.

I lov--

[The writing suddenly stops.

... Yes, Paradisa. You now have front-row seats to something intensely personal that was never meant to be seen by anyone. It doesn't matter that the one who put it there is now frantically trying to scratch everything out. The damage has already been done.]

[[OOC: Friends loss! Anyone remember the 18-page letter that Rachel wrote to Ross and he fell asleep reading? This is something like that.]]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[The lack of a response had been troubling her. Was she in the wrong? Did she have something to lose? She'd taken that leap and put her heart on the line like that (even if it had been the result of something that was initially completely unintentional), and she'd gotten nothing in return. And suddenly, that had started to sting more than anything. She'd made her point before, and all it had made her was miserable. All she wanted now--

When she hears that voice, in person, everything stops. She can barely even breathe, really. For what feels like forever, she keeps her eyes firmly fixed on the table in front of her. As if she's convinced she's having some kind of hallucination, and she'll look up to find nothing there.

But, eventually, she lifts her eyes to find that she's not imagining anything.]

Gwaine. [Her voice is strangely small.]

[He walks toward her and drops to his knees beside her. He takes her hands in his, kissing the back of her right hand.]

I apologise, Julia. I apologise for ever giving you reason to doubt. I love you.

[Days of heartbreak and listlessness have all come to a head at this moment. The choice is still hers. She could continue to make herself miserable, or she could put an end to that. Maybe what they have isn't the healthiest, maybe they'll only continue to drag each other into the same cycles over and over. ...

... But those three little words are all she needs.]

I'm sorry I did. [She leans in closer to him, trying to close some of the distance between them. When she finally decides to vocalize what she'd almost been about to write down, her voice has a hard time getting above a whisper. More than that and it might crack--] I love you.

[He moves up enough to be able to wrap his arms around her. He buries his face against her hair and the side of her neck, breathing in deeply. It's like all the weight of the world fell from his shoulders suddenly. She loves him and that's enough. More than enough. He doesn't need anything else to be happy.]

[She closes her eyes and exhales, letting him come closer without resistance. For the first time in days, she feels... almost normal. Like everything in the world is right again. The dull ache that had been nagging at her chest for what seemed like forever starts to fade.

... She doesn't even care that they're currently in a very public place. Sense about that kind of thing is irrelevant now.]

I missed you.

[He smiles at that. Pulling back enough to be able to look at her, he brushes some of her hair behind her ear.]

These last few days have been torture without you.

[Her eyes flutter open again just in time to meet his, and she can feel a smile, a real smile, tugging at the corners of her mouth. Torture was an understatement to describe what the past few days had been. But it doesn't matter now. He's here, he's with her, and for the first time in recent memory, everything feels right. Nothing else matters.

She reaches a hand toward the side of his face, letting her fingers graze lightly over the skin there ( as if she needs one final piece of evidence that this is actually real), before leaning in and brushing her lips against his.]

[He keeps it gentle at first, but soon presses a little closer, a little harder. He needs the reassurance that this is not a very detailed dream.]

[If anything, she welcomes it, reciprocating with equal intensity. When her hand wanders and finds some of his hair, she grips onto it like she's afraid it'll disappear if she lets it go.]

[With her reciprocation, he finally smiles a little into the kiss. He lets it linger a little longer before pulling back just so he can embrace her. He hides his face against her hair, breathing in her scent. He can finally relax now. She loves him. She won't leave him.]

[Ideally, she could stay like this forever. Really, she could. ... But, on second thought, she's suddenly wary. Maybe this happy reunion shouldn't be happening where anyone could be watching them. Now that the initial relief has passed, there's something about such a public display of affection that makes her slightly uncomfortable.

After a moment or two, she whispers a suggestion.]

Let's go somewhere else.

006 | written

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