paradisalost | sixteenth bite; and i do my little turn on the catwalk

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stefan salvatore

sixteenth bite; and i do my little turn on the catwalk

Sorry if I haven't reached out yet. I found what I do here. Damon, you'll really appreciate this. I'm a model. Never mind my two degrees. Never mind that I went to Harvard. [ Granted, it was the 70's. But, still. Harvard. ] I've been booked nonstop since I ended up here.

( Mystic Falls minus Katherine )

What did everyone translate to in this reality? [ This... fake Paris. ]

( Bonnie Bennet )

Were your powers stripped?

( Elena Gilbert )

Paris is a big city. Forgive my not checking in right away. I got swept up in my... job here.

( Katherine Pierce )

Have you -- [ he's curious. how to word it. he can't exactly say 'gotten used to your heart beating' he pauses. ] Did you wake up here human? [ Not that she can be trusted. This is about curiosity. And not worry! He is not worried about Katherine. ]

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Yeah, and somehow my choice turned into an eternity of misery courtesy of my brother. [ God, Katherine. You ruined everything. How can you live with yourself? ]

My father knew you were a monster. He knew you were using us.

[She lives with herself quite well! It's just... right now she's a bit of overwhelmed.]

Yet he allowed me to live in his house, for months. To dine at his table, live within the city - all because.. why? Because he knew what I was?

He only grew suspicious when you were insistent. [She pauses, her voice going quieter for a moment.]

I don't blame you, Stefan.

But you can't blame me for the choices you made after you were changed. After you were sired all of my compulsion went away. You went after your father of your own will. That was not me. It was nothing that I made you do.

I thought he would accept that I loved you.

[ And that's the truth. Maybe, he caused everything. But, Katherine still... compelled him. And that's the leg he has to stand on. ]

But, had you not been feeding us your blood, we wouldn't have had to make a choice. We would --

[ They'd be dead. Or, they could've been the ones with Gilbert family rings. Of course, they couldn't have but... it makes sense? Emily could've -- something could have changed? Was anything avoidable? ]

I hated our father for what he did. And I was a monster. Compelled or not, you helped make me that way, Katherine. You left without --

[ Saying goodbye. Saying where you went. ]

Fine, Katherine. You loved me. For real. But, you left.

[ Saying everything he's meant to for years? Not on the menu. But, being human makes it hard keeping these feelings in check. ]

You looked after you. You left Emily to be found, to be burned. You disappeared!

Do you realize what would've happened if it had gotten out that I wasn't in the tomb? That a Lockwood had made a deal?

It would've changed so much more than what had already happened.

[She draws her mouth into a tight line. It's interesting that hearing these things doesn't assuage her in anyway. It doesn't make her feel any better, if anything all the feelings just keep swelling up in her.]

I had to look after me... I couldn't be found. I ran for so long and the moment I stopped to actually try and have something for my own it all burns.

Do you understand that I stopped running for you? [She swallows thickly, not wanting to let these emotions get the best of her.]

Klaus, Elijah - searching for me for hundreds of years. Slaughtering my family. Wishing me pain upon pain. If I had stayed, I would've brought him to you, too.

Stopped running for me? You showed up because I was dating Elena and threatened all of our lives. And you used me as the excuse.

[ He... can't fathom it. It's just -- so crazy. ]

You spent months terrorizing us. Getting Jenna to stab herself. Getting me stuck in the tomb... Yeah, I was told about that. I'm sure I love every second stuck inside the tomb with you.

[ Sometimes, it really sucks to not have lived through things he's heard about. ]

Hearing everything else. It makes sense. Klaus. The tomb vampires. All those loose ends. You were saving me. Saving Damon.

You continued to play games with Damon and me. Because... you find it fun. Because, I didn't give in.

[ Because, that hurts. Stefan had moved on. He'd had no choice and maybe, considering Elena and her resemblance, he hasn't quite. And he may never know. But Elena is better for him then Katherine ever will be because when it comes down to it, Katherine's out for herself. But, she's right about one thing. Damon gets to blame Stefan. Because Stefan did those things. Katherine: 1. Stefan: 0. ]

Okay, Katherine. I don't blame you. I still don't even know if I believe you. [ Her. Capable of love. ] I did those things. It was me. And knowing it all? It makes sense. In some twisted, survivalist way.

Just admit it. Admit that most of it was about saving yourself. All the side-changing. Isobel. John.

[ He hasn't been told about Katherine's second deal about getting out of the tomb, how she chose Stefan to live and Damon to die thanks to the dagger. Caroline had blanks she couldn't fill. And maybe they'd give him context. But, how can he get past a woman whose foremost priority is her own self-preservation. ]

I'd die for Elena, Katherine. And at one time, I died for you.

We both did.

[ Another beat. He thinks back to their conversation on the Lockwood property. He had so much disdain for her. The games. Kissing Damon. And yes, he had held a grudge. But, this conversation has done more wonders than -- anything else has. But, one thing seems clear. He is with Elena. He was with Katherine. Elena isn't Katherine. He loves everything about Elena that isn't Katherine. ]

There isn't a love story here because we lost the chance for a love story.

[ Because she strung two brothers along, got them killed, and then ran to save them. Even that small, selfless part of her doesn't change anything. What's the saying? Too much has happened? This can't be water under the bridge.

And fuck, he hates emotions. Aren't some humans good at compartmentalization? He huffs, air escaping. It could be a laugh. ]

I can't believe I'm having this conversation in front of the mirror while my hair sets.

[ So. Freaking. Absurd. ]

[She had meant... in 1864. She risked it to stay for him. Even when Pearl warned her that she was being reckless, she stayed. Everything else she honestly can't say she did for them. It was part of a larger game that most times she was just a piece of the puzzle too.

Isobel was with Klaus. John... was an idiot.

Elena was what Klaus needed and if he ever found her, if he had ever made the connection of Katherine to Stefan to Elena...]

Then don't have it.

[She stayed one step ahead because she had to, because no one understood just how dangerous everything was. She wasn't going to admit that it was for herself, because even if it was - there were still bigger parts of the picture that she always kept in her sight.]

You believe whatever you want to believe. I know what I did and why and I'm done explaining my motivations to you, because all you see is what you need to see so you can hate me.

So hate me. You seem to be exceptional at it these days. [She... doesn't mean any of this, but she really is at a loss for what else she's supposed to do. Other than break down and cry. Which - she refuses to do.]

Replay any of what I just said back.

I may not trust you. I may not be able to take anything you say at face value.

But, Katherine. I don't. I don't hate you.

[ Maybe a part of him did back in Mystic Falls. She was so horrible. It was her. All about her. Elena and he had to sneak around, had to fake break up and then really break up. Under the guise of wanting Stefan back. She could have come clean. They could've -- done something. Helped her. Hid her. Something. But, Katherine had to save her ass which meant moving the pawns where she needed them. To save herself. Maybe they were all Klaus' pawns, even in 1864.

He feels a lot for Katherine. And being human makes everything worse. It hurts worse. He distrusts more. He feels - vulnerable? But, he loves more. And his love for Elena has doubled. He's all ready got a taste of their Parisian human life and he loves it.

He may not love Katherine anymore. And he may have loved 1864 Katherine.

But, despite all that. ]

I'm sorry Klaus slaughtered your family.

[ But, like that helps or changes anything. He's sorry she ran. Is he sorry she met the Salvatore brothers? Traveled with Ms. Pearl? Anna? Then he wouldn't have met Elena. But, suddenly, everything is complicated. Because, even if he's human now -- he won't be forever. He will never be human again. ]

I'm ... sorry.

[She listens, but she knows that she can't say anything else right now. He's right, which she won't admit, but they can't have this conversation.

Not when they're like this.

Possibly not ever.

So, he might just hear the journal shut. Or he might not hear anything at all. Since, no vampire hearing.]

[ And he has work to get to. And a girlfriend to ... probably never admit he even had this conversation with. This was supposed to be an escape. Now, he has a photoshoot to do. ]

[Just think of how much better his "look pensive. look sad. look disaffected. look disillusioned." looks will be!

Katherine has her bath. And Offenbach.]

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sixteenth bite; and i do my little turn on the catwalk

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