paradisalost | t h r e e

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marian hawke

t h r e e

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I've got some important things to do, very important, so you're all going to have to survive without me for a while. If you get into any trouble and I'm sure you all will, just... go to Aveline, she'll fix it. Won't you Aveline? [ She'll make it up to her later, she swears. ]

So don't go fighting any dragons without me. [ She totally scribbles a little ♥ at the end of that. ]
----

( carver )

I ca

Blighted

Sorry

[ A few more false starts before she erases the filter all together. He should be able to figure out what she's going to be doing, he's smart like that. ]
----

The dwarf is gone... well he's been gone for a while, must've forgotten to mention it with the whole castle taking a giant camping trip to Crazyville. [ A pause. ] Figures Varric would be the first to make a break for it. [ Now who is going to listen to her moan about things and turn them into ridiculous stories? ]

Anyway... know of any good caves around here? Haven't had a decent cave adventure in a while.

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A strategic retreat from Gamlen I could understand, I'd be running with you right now, let the rest of the castle deal with that ass. This is Bethany.

[ Which... is the problem. He knows that, if it doesn't make him any more capable of talking than usual. On the other hand, usual has changed from how he spoke out, and struck out, at eighteen. ]

Mother blamed you for so long because she didn't know what else to do. I blamed you because I wanted to shove the guilt off on someone so happy to take responsibility that she didn't speak up about it except when I was enough of an ass to accuse her unfairly of letting it happen.

[ That he had is not something he's proud of. Is it a lesson on humility, to ever acknowledge those things, or just something about emotional stress? Maker knows this place has enough of the latter. Or maybe it was simpler, in learning and accepting that he was the walking dead. Joke about it as he might offhand, facing down what might be even more certain death, but it was a thought to keep a man awake during night watches. Between that and the nightmares that never let you forget exactly when you crossed over from being simply living to being the walking dead. More or less. ]

She knows Anders, and she never met him. I looked back through the blood journal that follows after us around this castle, and he's not the only one she knows. It's impossible, and it's true.

[ And it hurts. ]

She doesn't remember who I am. According to her, she's never had a brother.

[ It hurts far more than he ever expected it to, more than losing her, if he'd handled that with anger and denial. Finding her living, breathing (and inexplicably a Grey Warden) was a shock, if it could be a tentatively happy one. Tentative, since he assumed the worst, that it was temporary, a lie, a trick, it wasn't going to last, but happy, because it's Bethany. No one's supposed to have second chances like this. ]

Andraste's tits, Marian, you're all she has!

[ He says this as hes gestures widely with one hand, crossing over his chest before his arm's thrown out and he's looking angry and hurt all at once. Not in the big, glaring ways, but the ways that he showed anything. Agitated, he shifts, wanting to pace, trying to get a hold on things through movement that he gives in to, turning around and taking three steps back, then around to face Marian again, three steps forward. ]

But she's not all you have. I couldn't be there when Mother died. I couldn't help when the Qunari were raiding Kirkwall. I shouldn't have been there when that bitch lost it, but you're family, and I wasn't about to sit back and do nothing while you might have been executed for all I knew.

[ He thumps one fist into his open palm at that, adding emphasis to the word 'executed.' ]

And I'm here now. With a sword, if that part is better for the caves than for dealing with magic castles and sisters who forget all about their brothers when they lived to grow up and join the Grey Wardens.

[ He isn't sure his sword is a whole lot, but Maker, it is something. He knows Marian isn't okay, and he Blighted well know he isn't, only this time he's not willing to dump it off on her and pretend he doesn't care. Family does that work together thing, right? He had a chance to do that here, for as long as they were all here. He wouldn't back in Thedas. He'd be in trouble enough for doing what he did as it was. Anything more was asking for trouble he might not be able to carry around and live through.

Maybe hack through for a while. He could handle that. Point him toward something to attack? He was all over that. The rest of this stuff, it was more impulsive, hard to navigate territory. ]

I should have-- It’s my bloody fault! I was supposed to protect her… I was supposed to protect you.

[ When he sees her start collapsing he's moving, surprised and relying on general instinct (someone's been hit, catch them, get them down safely, then cover them) rather than an innate concept of needing to get to Marian right then. Thunking down with a metallic clang against the stone, the metal plates over his knees ringing a dull pain up though his thigh. Not unusual, and highly unremarkable.

He lays hands on her shoulders, head ducking down a bit to be more on level, not sure what to say -- ]

Family's supposed to protect each other.

[ -- because he's never been the one with the things to say. Actions, yes, those he's been better at, even if they were just silly things, like what passed for a dance to make Bethany laugh when things had gone a little wrong growing up.

A jig might not be quite right, right now. There's a passing thought of "what would Alistair do," along with, "or Stroud, what about him?"

... He's not sure either of those are the answers he needs. ]

You can't save everyone, but you've tried, and that's a blighted lot more than most people ever do.

[ He squeezes her shoulders, careful to not press hard with armored hands. Then he's shifting, pulling her toward him for one hell of an awkward hug. Carver has no idea if it's the best idea, or even a good one, and he couldn't deny it was a selfish wish to have some kind of connection for himself that he didn't want to admit to needing. He might have said Marian was all Bethany had, but now, in ways, she was all he had too. Bethany was acting as a stranger, Anders was no fit Warden company, and her merry company had always been her merry company, not his. Aveline was good, too, almost like family, if he'd been as long gone from her company as Marian. ]

You did what you could.

[ Don't cry. Or do cry, he doesn't know. Closing his eyes, he tries to find -- anything, something that'll be comforting. He's half speaking for himself, which makes it harder, believing in whatever he does get out. ]

When it wasn't enough, it wasn't for not trying.

I never thought I’d hear you say that.

Andraste’s ass… I think she hates me.

[ Right, so he's gotten the hug part down, sort of, and now he's just... going to stay this way. Leandra used to stroke their hair years on years ago, some kind of reassurance, but he's hesitant to do that. For one, hair catches in the leather bindings oh the gauntlets. For another, that's way too much of a comfort thing he's not sure how to give. ]

It shouldn't have taken me this long.

[ But it had, and it might have gone as unsaid as his pride in being able to call her sister had, before going back to Kirkwall, and in his own way, running from the Warden for long enough to help Family.

As far as Bethany goes... ]

She might. [ ... whoops. ] I don't know how Bethany ended up with the Grey Wardens, but if it's anything like how I did... Well. There are times you almost think it'd have been better to die then than live through the horrors afterward.

[ He has a feeling he might not be helping. At all. But it's the truth, and in knowing Bethany, he thinks it might be a little too true for her. ]

It would have been harder for her than either of us. [ And another pause, with a pat on the back and an attempt at self-referential humor. ] You put up with me being a tit for no good reason for Maker knows how long. Give her time.

[ Try to bear with it, and being wrongly blamed by someone Carver doesn't think could find the Wardens as much of a calling as he did over the years. ]

You were a gigantic tit.

I'm... sorry, Carver.

[ Try years. It took him a long time to see past his own nose and grasp how things weren't unending doom and gloom. When he had... then he's truly started coming into his own. That he'd forgiven Hawke (and himself) along the way was a bonus; not entirely expected, but welcomed. ]

... I know.

[ He thinks. He doesn't know what to say. Part of him would love to mock it, in a less harsh way. "The Champion of Kirkwall, apologizing to the gigantic tit? Never thought I'd see the day." Maybe he would later, when he brings this up again.

... Yes. That was an excellent almost plan that he'd forget about for a while. ]

I hear there's a tavern down in the city called The Great Adventure.

The Great Adventure?

You're paying.

As long as you're drinking.

[ Which could almost be cryptic, except he sounds... annoyed...... LMF about this. Whatever. HIS LOSS IS HIS OWN. He stands up, armor creaking with his movement. Pending she doesn't get up at the same time, he'll bother to offer her a hand. ]

And I don't have to handle any of it.

Don't tell me the mean old magical building took away your alcohol tolerance?

If only I were so lucky. Then I'd still be able to get drunk.

[ Starting toward the road on down to town, he waits to hear Marian moving with him. ]

Oh Carver, I'm so sorry.

[ ahahaha he scowls at her a bit. LMF MARIAN... He suspects he's being mocked. Just a bit. Okay. klasjdf ]

Not as sorry as you will if you let me handle your flagons first.

You touch them, dear brother, and I will feel no guilt in freezing that lovely armor of yours.

Remind me why I missed you, again?

Because you love you utterly talented and beautiful big sister.

Especially with how humble she is. Who can resist a paragon like that?

[ Or resent one HAHAHAH -- oh, wait. ]

No one, there are literally hoards of people lining up at my door.

Looks like visiting would have been impossible, even if I'd wanted to. Unless you kept the back entrance open.

The back entrance was always open, it's a surprisingly good escape route.

Too bad it wasn't any use when we were actually getting out of the city.

[ or was it? ]

Think this castle has any well meaning escape routes out into the back woods?

Not sure, but we can always make one.

... When do we start?

[ he's been getting bored okay asldjfk and working... at the farms........... getting fields ready for winter ]

In a week or so. I told them I wasn't going to be around for a while, might as well pretend I'm gone.

Before you say anything I'm very curious to see how they fall apart without me.

And they willingly make you leader?

t h r e e

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it was gonna be longer but then red distracted me with korean women /sobbing

somehow there can be no objections to this

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