paradisalost | - thirty-seventh year waiting -

Entry tags:

rory williams

- thirty-seventh year waiting -

[dictated]

[alone on a bed in the medbay on Eleven's TARDIS, Rory Williams wakes up from a week-long sleep. He feels extremely disoriented and doesn't really remember collapsing in the castle lobby--there's so many new memories to process this time around, two thousand years' worth and then some--and he's got a pounding headache. But both of these are minor concerns when, upon regaining consciousness, the first thing he realizes is that he has a heartbeat. A pulse. And he's breathing. Not because he can, but because he has to. Which can only mean one thing:

He's gone home. And he's come back human again.

The realization hits him like a sucker punch to the chest and he makes to bolt upright into a sit, grabbing frantically at his right hand to check for the hinge--except his head throbs like it's been hit with a sledgehammer and a wave of nausea crashes over him. He sinks back onto his bed with a groan, squeezing his eyes shut and grimacing in pain. Okay, maybe the headache's not such a minor concern after all.

Swallowing to wet his dry throat, he croaks out:]

Amy? ... Doctor? Wha ...?

((open like an open thing! Rory's back from a trip home and has been canon-bumped up through Series 6, Episode 7: A Good Man Goes To War. He's no longer an Auton (buh-bye plasticness and handy gun in his hand!) and brings with him a metric fuckton of new emotional baggage courtesy of the Doctor and River Song))

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[he keeps staring, silently--it's the most awkward thing he thinks he's ever experienced, yet he can't look away from her. There's so many emotions churning in his chest and they refuse to settle or make sense, and all he can think is--she's my daughter. She's Melody. My baby girl.

And it hurts, so much, just as much as still isn't quite computing.

--because River is older than he is, and wiser, and scary, and just--lots of things--

He finishes sitting up slowly, jaw working like he wants to speak but doesn't know what to say. Finally, after what feels like ages, he swallows and breathes:]

Hello.

[River manages a small, awkward smile. Not quite the same one she'd given the Doctor when he'd found out, but similar in some ways]

Hello, Rory.

[She looks away from him]

Demon's run?

[he's both relieved and disappointed that she's looked away. There's a pause before he replies quietly]

Yeah.

[She really doesn't know what to say. Somehow, she feels like she should apologize. His sweet baby girl had turned into a gun-toting archaeologist and Rory hadn't the vaguest conception under god what she'd done throughout the long twists and turns of her life.

Clearing her throat, she lightly touches his hand and meets his gaze once more, with eyes that are far older then his]

Can I get you anything?

[and that--those old eyes, the light hesitance of her touch--fills him with an inexplicable sadness. His child's eyes should not be older than his, and she should not be looking after him. It should be the other way around. He thinks it might be some sort of strange twisted inverse on the whole 'parents should not have to outlive their children' thing. What makes it even more confusing was he had known Melody as a newborn for such a sort time--mere hours--before she was taken away, and suddenly here she is before him again (she'd been there all along) and she's a grown woman. If losing her after barely knowing her hurts so much, how in the world had River kept quiet all this time?

He looks down at her hand on his, and swallows again as the urge to grab it between his own rises up]

No--no. ...I'm--I'm fine.

[looking at her, it suddenly occurs to him that she sort of has his nose, and without warning he's looking away again and choking on a short, pained laugh]

Rory, you know why I couldn't tell you until that exact moment.

[She doesn't like to see him looking so lost. It's painful to her. Contrary to popular belief, it wasn't easy keeping all of her secrets]

Why I couldn't go until the very end. I can't interfere with my own timeline.

[his laugh dies almost as soon as it's begun, and now he's looking at her with wide, sad eyes. But there's knowing too--he knows she couldn't say anything. Logically, he knows]

I know, but it's just--you--

[makes vague hand gestures between his nose and hers]

You ... you've got my nose. [blinks, like he's shocked he said it out loud--like saying it means he's solidly accepted her as his daughter and he can't take it back. Another blink, another swallow]

... Sorry.

[His gesture towards his nose and hers brings a wide smile to her lips. A smile full of perfect white teeth, mirth, and brightness. Amy's smile, for anyone who knew it]

Oh, that. Yes, the Doctor told me that once upon a time. It didn't matter how many times - even if I didn't understand - he always said I have a Roman nose.

[she's smiling and it's Amy's smile. And the Doctor told her she had a Roman nose. Because it's his nose too. Because he's Rory the Roman. Roranicus Pondicus. The Last Centurion. She's got Amy's smile and his nose. Why hadn't he ever noticed? Oh, bollocks--he is not going to cry--]

Bad luck of the draw then, yeah? That you got mine instead of--instead of Amy's.

[and he hesitantly smiles back]

[ He's a Roman. Standing in the presence of his estranged daughter - totally cool to cry now!]

Definitely. If you only knew how many times I've been teased about my nose.

[She laughs and it eases the tension a bit]

[it does, a bit--he laughs too, and this time it's genuine (if very weak) instead of pained]

Yeah, I um ... I know all about that. [pause] For me, I mean. Mine ... my nose.

[it's so very awkward and strained, but ... it's progress already. Baby steps. It's probably not a surprise that Rory is handling this better than Amy likely will]

I got the best of the draw in other places, so it rarely concerns me these days.

[She definitely has her mother's legs. Not that she'd expect Rory to notice - but the Doctor certainly did ~~will~~ ]

By the way, the Doctor's awake. I don't know if he's seen you yet or not. He's....from the same time.

[Rory would never notice legs like Amy's on another woman. His vision is strictly Amy-centric. He had however, once, vaguely entertained the thought that River was a bit attractive, in a mature way. Mrs. Robinson, indeed. The memory sparks in Rory's head and he suddenly feels gross.

But then River mentions the Doctor and his expression closes like steel doors snapping shut]

Oh. I see.

[he looks away and takes a deep breath]

Did he say anything about it?

[It's alright Rory. You didn't know at the time that Mrs. Robinson had your nose and Amy's legs

Watching Rory close up like that, she had to admit - it hurt]

Questions, only questions. It's only natural, considering the circumstances. That was a dark day for all of us.

[Rory fights the urge to laugh--it would be a pained, bitter one again. Dark day indeed. He's going to take the selfish route for once and say he and Amy got the worse end of the deal on this one. River knew everything from the start and the Doctor learned a hard, terrible lesson in humility--but he and Amy lost their child before they even knew her.

He nods slightly, still looking away, and says quietly]

Yeah. Yeah it was.

[he's silent for a long moment before taking a deep breath and turning back to her]

Does he find you? Do we get you back?

[he's afraid he already knows the answer, though. He's remembering how she'd reacted to him at the Stormcage: so peculiar at the time, but now it makes sense, and it makes him afraid. She'd looked at him like he was a ghost--someone she hadn't seen in a long, long time]

[And little Melody lost the three people in this world who cared and loved her. She lost her family as well - technically. To have to witness that twice in one lifetime is a heavy burden.

Rory's questions cause her smile to visibly dim. It's her turn to close up. She knows it's not fair, that she holds all the answers and yet has to remain so tight fisted with them]

I stand by what I said that fateful day. The Doctor will find Melody Pond and he will care for her - no matter the cost. You've seen yourself, I told you that day was my birthday. The Doctor wanted my birthday to be a cause of celebration and every year, he's never forgotten. He's held onto his promise.

[No mention of a reunion with her parents though...]

[and he absolutely notices that omission. To him it's as good as confirmation--they're never getting her back. The knowledge punches a hole in his heart and again--he wonders how River's managed to get by all these years. Did they teach her not to feel? It makes him nauseous and sad (and still confused), thinking that his child might have been manipulated and conditioned into being uncaring.

(But River cares about things. Obviously. He's seen proof of it time and again.)

He's quiet again for a moment, visibly struggling to accept and process what River didn't say, and keep his emotions in check. Finally he looks back at her again says with a faint air of desperation]

But you were cared for at least? You knew that you had parents and that we loved you and--and missed you?

[he so obviously wants her to say yes, like his sanity depends on it]

Rory, we meet up again. Don't despair. I just....won't be that same little girl.

[She frowns in thought, searching his face for clues]

I don't like to remember that far back, it's....the Doctor did something to make those memories a bit blurry.

[To numb the pain]

[but it still means they'll miss out on everything parents and children should have together by rights: first steps and first words and first birthdays, sleepless nights and colic and fussiness, bedtime stories and skinned knees and hugs and kisses. Everything Rory had dreamed about experiencing as a father ... the good things AND the bad.

And he doesn't want to her hear say she doesn't want to remember. It's just another confirmation that she had her childhood and her life ripped away from her and--now anger and frustration is talking--why did the sodding DOCTOR have to rescue her? HE'S her father, it should have been HIM, and this tells him (irrationally) that he's going to fail her again somehow. And all he can say is, brokenly]

I'm sorry.

It was never your fault to begin with, Rory. You and Amy couldn't have planned for this, not even the Doctor could have.

Edited 2011-07-13 20:41 (UTC)

But I thought I had you. I thought--I thought we were safe ...

[why is he even bothering to apologize? He knows she's right. Maybe it's because, just like he feels he should have noticed that Amy had been replaced, he should have inherently known that Melody was a ganger too. After all: fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me]

But it was never even Melody to begin with.

They were far too prepared for the attack.

[She touches his hand]

Rory, all wounds heal in time. Look at me, I'm whole, healthy and here. I found my way home eventually.

[surprising himself, after a beat he turns his hand over to curl gently around hers and appears to contemplate their joined hands for a moment. He can't decide if it feels strange or not]

I'm sorry ... it's just--hard, you know, sorting it out in my head. [taps his temple] I didn't even have enough time to get used to the idea that I was going to be a dad ... then as soon as I found you, you were gone again.

[he's not going to be okay for a long time]

[She doesn't move her hand from his, but his grasp startles her for a moment. It's not something she's experience from her father in quite a long time]

I'm here now. I mean, I've not exactly a little girl anymore, but...I'm here.

[he's still looking at her hand in his, almost curiously]

Yeah ... yeah, you are.

[and he gives her hand the tiniest of squeezes. How will they ever have anything approached a normal father-daughter relationship? Too much has been lost, and they're too out of order. He hopes, somewhat selfishly, that maybe she can understand how she could be standing right in front of him, and he could still be grieving]

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wordy mcwordsauce :/

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well played, hehe. DAMN YOU MOFFAT

-really hopes this doesn't turn out to be another lie-

man seriously

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