PARADISA LOST

[...Completely Unremarkable Printing]

In thirteen minutes and thirteen seconds from right now and counting, one or more of the following thirteen things will occur.

1. Thirteen randomly selected residents will die.
2. Thirteen sections of the city will be lit ablaze.
3. Thirteen randomly selected books from the library will be pinned to the walls of floor thirteen.
4. Thirteen cooking utensils will be embedded into the ceiling of the kitchen.
5. Thirteen randomly selected doors will have a picture of an upside down heart taped to it.
6. A large bell will ring thirteen times from somewhere in the library.
7. Thirteen randomly selected windows will shatter.
8. Thirteen different masks will be lined up along the stairs.
9. Thirteen randomly selected residents will be pushed out of their window.
10. The castle will be struck by thirteen fireballs of varying size in sequential order.
11. Thirteen randomly selected bottles of drink will be poured out in front of room 1313.
12. The microwave in the kitchen will be broken up into thirteen different, evenly sized pieces.
13. Thirteen randomly selected pets will be swapped around before your very eyes.

Your move.

[ooc: In case you...of course you're all wondering. Or not. I don't know. But it'll be number 12 and only number 12. Mod approved to boot.]

You know, for a bunch of flailing spaz-fiends, you kids are priceless. It warms my heart to know I can always turn to you guys for top notch comedy.

Keep on failing.

Oh VI. You know what you would look best in?

A wedding dress.

Guess someone must have slipped something into the water then. You people are all smiles today. It's adorable. Like a little puppy dog with big puppy dog eyes.

Tell you what? You don't smile at me, and I won't dope smack you crazy kids upside the head. Sounds fair, right?

( [VI] )

You know, there just isn't anything quite like drunks fighting for no good reason. Gotta love that some things never change. Too bad I didn't stick around for the big finale.

[So, there's this thing Xigbar can do? It's called teleporting...and well...He's got himself a lot of food. And I mean a LOT. The majority of it isn't here, but he has tables set out in the lobby behind him, with hamburgers, and waffles, and a small assortment of food. The following is dictated to his open journal.]

What's wrong, Paradisa? Down in the dumps? Empty stomachs bogging you down? Got the rumbling tummy blues?

Well, Papa Xigbar here is proud as proud can be to offer you the thing of your desire! FOOD!

That's right, through no small effort of my own, I have procured a very healthy and vibrant amount of our most treasured resource here in this insane asylum of a castle. And it can be all yours!

...For a cost.

How hungry are you? Well, let your wallets decide. Come on down to the lobby and look for the food booth. We're open 24/7, and have all the food you could ask for, and more.

[Flip...flip...flip...that's not pages he's flipping, that's the actual book. Open of course]

I think the reaper owes me a refund, cause this afterlife is pretty cheap.

[Fully dictated. A whistle]

So, this is where the good lil Nobodies go when they get offed, huh? Not too shabby.