PARADISA LOST

[Cue some shuffling around and muffled voices, before suddenly, the book is thrown on the ground and opened to the right page]

Ladies and Gentlemen of the Asshole of Oz, I am your entertainment for today. And today I'm with two adorable village twins, absolutely beautiful kids. Little Jimmy and Jenny. Go ahead, say hi!

[Little Girl's Voice] Are you the boogieman?

[Little boy's voice] Mommy, Daddy?! I'm scared!

[Jan again] Ain't they just so fucking cute?

So here's the deal, castle goers. I'm gonna give you one hour. And if my demands aren't met in that fucking hour? Well...[And spoken in baby talk, mocking the twins] I'm gonna go and gobble lil Jenny right the fuck up in front of Jimmy. And then I'm gonna kick Jimmy down the well...with a pineapple in his mouth. [Laaaaaaaughter]

Now for my mother fucking demands! And don't try and pull a fast one on me!

I want...some Tropical Bubblicious.

.
.
.
And a pack of skittles.

You fucks have got an hour! DON'T BE LATE!

[Jenny's voice again] I dun wanna be eated!

[Jan again] Aaaaw. Ain't she just fuckin adorable?

[ooc: ...I don't think I actually need to say this but...he's serious. Have fun.]

---Edited in Later---

( Lucy Saxon )

Alright. Not bad. Pretty neat place and all. Whoever busted the coffee machine is a fucking loser. But all in all, pretty good place.

But I got an important question for you freaks. Ahem.

Who here has a boner for murder?

Come on, don't be shy. I just wanna fuckin know my neighbors and that shit.

[Written very, very sloppily]

And now, I will eat fish.

[Recorded fish eating sounds and the penguin equivalent to happy noises, then door opening, then staring staring staring. Then flying fish attack, HI-YAH!]

[ooc: Okay, Duo-mun?]

( [Private] )

Hey, quick question for you fucks. Getting nailed to the side of a building with a girder...that's normally fatal, right?

[A low whistle, then a few steps, then a HOLY SHIT LOUD EXPLOSION as something huge slams into the earth.]

Fuck. I didn't know trees could fly.

[ooc: And it starts again.]

Hey. You know what's real fuckin funny?


MASS MURDER!

[ooc: What can I say...I'm a whore for irony.]

Jesus fucking Christ.

If floor six is noisy, and I ain't the cause of it, then there is bullshit happening. I mean, shit!

[Journal is knocked open after being tossed at the ground. The tell-a-tale sounds of Resetti screaming and lecturing his lungs out are in full force, and so is Jan, swearing and making death threats and swearing some more.]

( Behind the cut because...take a wild guess. It's Jan! )



[Editted in much later.]

This is a formally written apology to everyone that has been negatively impacted by my vulgar vocabulary. I'm...I...Iiiii...

I'm sorry.

[Resetti made him formally apologize. Take it in while you can.]

You know what's real fuckin funny?

FAILED ATTEMPTS AT SUICIDE THAT LEAVE PEOPLE PERMANENTLY DISFIGURED.

[Dictated forever. Recorded gunshot. Now, imagine that all this text here is actually blood. Lots of blood staining the page. Obnoxious amounts of it, actually. Oh God, all the blood!]

Aw, fuck! I got dead five year old all over my fuckin journal.

[ooc: He didn't, really.]