07 - Thinking Thoughts

[http://users.livejournal.com/_fredless/]

[look, it's an actual journal entry from someone a little bit sad, and little bit tired and a little bit too much hungover. Since when did water pack such a punch?]

It gave me a picture.

The Castle, I mean. If it's a him or a her I haven't seen evidence one way or the other. But for Christmas it gave me a picture. It's Mom and Dad, and me. Mamma and Daddy. Somehow writing it isn't the same as saying it. It's from high school graduation. Right before Daddy gave me my necklace. An apple for the apple of his eye.

I told him then if I was an apple then he was corn.

...it's one of the first things they took from me, in Pylea. On the table, before they put the collar on. And I couldn't do anything about it. It's gone, and it isn't coming back.

The thing is? I came back. Maybe a little bit different, a little bit more never the same? But I did come back. From Pylea,and the places I went to escape it.

I never thought I was going to be separated from them again. Not like the space from Texas to LA, but the kind that phone calls and letters and planes can't cross. I wasn't supposed to do this anymore.

I thought I was done getting lost.

And so many of them are here. Cordy. I missed her so much. Angel and Lorne. And Wesley. There's Wesley. But my folks aren't here, and looking at this picture the missing gets so big it feels like another body all together.

Before I went so far inside I forgot them. I even forgot my own name.

Now I can't seem to stop thinking about them.

And that somehow in me getting better?

It's made it worse.

Comments

[charmandsmiles.livejournal.com]

Don't think anyone ever stops missing their parents.

[http://users.livejournal.com/_fredless/]

My friends?

It's .... it just isn't the same for them. They miss them in different ways.

Do you miss yours?

[charmandsmiles.livejournal.com]

How's it different?

Have for centuries, every day.

[http://users.livejournal.com/_fredless/]

I miss that they're not here now.

They miss where they weren't ever really there at all.

Centuries?

Fred

[charmandsmiles.livejournal.com]

Ah. Guess that would make a difference. Had a bit of a lonely childhood myself, but still.

I'm er, 900 years old. Roughly.

[mothercullen.livejournal.com]

It always hurts to be away from the ones you love.

[http://users.livejournal.com/_fredless/]

I have things here I've never had anywhere else.

But there's been a lot lost too.

[mothercullen.livejournal.com]

That always seems to be the way of things, doesn't it?

No matter what you gain, you have to give up something else.

[http://users.livejournal.com/_fredless/]

You sound like you've lost something important to you too.

I'm sorry.

OOC: EEEEEEEsme.

[mothercullen.livejournal.com]

No need to apologize.

I've had experience in that area. I guess my parents sort of let me down, but that was a long time ago. I'm actually very blessed. My family is here with me.

[ooc: <33 I had to comment to someone from another vampire fandom and I looove Buffy/Angel.]

[halfthemist.livejournal.com]

Ah. You got a picture, too?

[http://users.livejournal.com/_fredless/]

I did.

...they're sort of hard, aren't they?

[halfthemist.livejournal.com]

Yes. With a frame.

[http://users.livejournal.com/_fredless/]

...right.

I can appreciate literal. It's normally me that's being that way, though.

[halfthemist.livejournal.com]

Mmm.

[fiveby-five.livejournal.com]

[Hey you came back crazier than I last remember]

[http://users.livejournal.com/_fredless/]

[hey now, watch how you through the c word around ;)

[fiveby-five.livejournal.com]

[I reformed okay :(]

Uh, you alright?

[http://users.livejournal.com/_fredless/]

I'm fine, really. Just thoughtful.

How are you Faith?

[fiveby-five.livejournal.com]

Five by five.

Least the castle gave you something besides a pain in the ass.

[mysticalvender.livejournal.com]

[He's had a few quiet moments because Pylea doesn't hold the best of memories for him, either. Have his best attempt at comfort, Fred, as he sings softly into the journal]

You are my sunshine
My only sunshine

[http://users.livejournal.com/_fredless/]

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<i[which she adores him so for]<i>

Hi Lorne.

[mysticalvender.livejournal.com]

Hey, Freddles. Feeling a bit low, Honeybee?

[http://users.livejournal.com/_fredless/]

Just a little bit. Nothing that won't pass in a day or two.

[mysticalvender.livejournal.com]

Anything I can do to help, Sunshine?