Fifteenth Negotiations; Dictated
Jul. 27th, 2011 02:23 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
[Lilah's not usually the type to drink to get drunk, but with everything that's recently come to life, it doesn't seem like a terrible idea.
Which is why she was here, sitting on the roof of the castle, nursing her second glass of whiskey already. Sure, one of the bars would be a more practical place to go, but she didn't particularly want to be found right now. And her room?
It held too many memories. Memories that had been repressed but now had resurfaced. Things she would rather not dwell on because they made her feel like a victim. And she was many things, but a victim was not one of them. So why couldn't she shake this? She had been through traumatic things before (like being locked in a wine cellar with two psychotic vampires) but this was different.
It just reminded her how much she hated this place, how weak she was becoming in it. She didn't feel like the ball busting lawyer who left most of her coworkers peeing their pants in fear. Even helping Wesley with Damon, it hadn't brought her the satisfaction she thought it would. Well, that was a lie, because there was definite satisfaction in seeing him suffer but there was no closure. Not like she had expected.
There's a long silence over the journal as she drinks down the rest of the glass. And then the sound of another one being poured. And finally, speech.]
I think I finally understand why people are so eager to leave this place. [It's cryptic at best, and more than she would normally admit to, but she's not quite feeling normal these days.]
[ooc: open like an open thing. Feel free to reply in person or over journals.]
Which is why she was here, sitting on the roof of the castle, nursing her second glass of whiskey already. Sure, one of the bars would be a more practical place to go, but she didn't particularly want to be found right now. And her room?
It held too many memories. Memories that had been repressed but now had resurfaced. Things she would rather not dwell on because they made her feel like a victim. And she was many things, but a victim was not one of them. So why couldn't she shake this? She had been through traumatic things before (like being locked in a wine cellar with two psychotic vampires) but this was different.
It just reminded her how much she hated this place, how weak she was becoming in it. She didn't feel like the ball busting lawyer who left most of her coworkers peeing their pants in fear. Even helping Wesley with Damon, it hadn't brought her the satisfaction she thought it would. Well, that was a lie, because there was definite satisfaction in seeing him suffer but there was no closure. Not like she had expected.
There's a long silence over the journal as she drinks down the rest of the glass. And then the sound of another one being poured. And finally, speech.]
I think I finally understand why people are so eager to leave this place. [It's cryptic at best, and more than she would normally admit to, but she's not quite feeling normal these days.]
[ooc: open like an open thing. Feel free to reply in person or over journals.]