paradisalost | Discoveries [Closed]

Entry tags:

Discoveries [Closed]

Who: Vanyel & Apollo
What: Vanyel is bringing in Yfandes after their day of joy bringing, and meets a friend in the barn - where there are sugarplum fairies.
When: After this
Where: in the barn
Warnings: sugarplum fairies, kissings, freaking out

Leaving the blue and silver sleigh out back, Vanyel led his Companion into the warmth of the stables. Despite all the work she had done, the Companion proclaimed herself not in the least tired, though she did proclaim to be cold. This, of course, Vanyel knew to be an invitation to pamper her with a warm mash and blankets and a good brushing. He could only laugh and shake his head, marveling at how the cold weather and the prospect of the this 'Christmas' holiday had put such a prance into his dear one's step. Truthfully, they both needed it after the months spent on the front lines fighting off demons and all manner of more mundane things that nonetheless left them bloodied, muddied, and tired. He knew she appreciated getting to be beautiful again and to bring something other than stark terror. It did get tiring, being called 'demons' and such by the Karsites.

"All right, there we go," he said warmly to her as he set down a hot mash for her at the entrance to her stall, the door left perpetually open.

He moved a bit to the side and began to stroke her mane, working the knots out of it, and began carrying on what, to most, would seem a very odd and one-sided conversation.

"No, of course you look lovely."

"Yes, I did enjoy today. It was nice. I cannot remember the last time I heard children laugh around us."

"Well, that is only because they do not know anything of me."

"We are supposed to inspire trust in ordinary folk. And no one there was Herald or knew my.... "legend"." This last word was said with some contempt.

"If I promise to try will you just eat your mash?" And now he almost growled, but his fingers still moved gently through his hair, not wanting to hurt his beloved despite his growing ire.

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Apollo relaxed his stance and gave Vanyel a small smile. Most of the reactions he'd gotten since coming here were either surprise or dismissing. Obviously everyone had more to worry about then the sexuality of two men. But it was still a nice change. Just not one he expected to last.

"Yeah, I mean, we don't really fit any of the stereotypes. But then again, a lot of us don't."

He licked his lips. "I used to," he said quietly, remember when he had been a simple, normal teenage boy.

He had been then and was now a peacock, seeking the praise of any, yearning to fill the hole his father had dug in him that now was still being mended, but on the mend. Back then... gods, he had not even known what he was, not until Tylendel. And now, still, people looked at him oddly for it. Or, if he was honest, oddly at him for his power. It was all so confusing it gave him headaches at times.

"I've never... met anyone else, like me," he said at last. "Well, I have, but two of them I see if rarely and the other two I saw hardly at all."

He took a minute to process that. It was his turn to look a bit surprised. He wondered briefly how he could have missed that, but then chalked it up to him not having any sense of gay-dar what so ever.

"So you...like men." It was more a statement than a question and he quickly followed it up with, "Uh, me neither actually. My husband and I move in a very exclusive circle back home where we're usually the only ones...like us."

He nodded slowly, as if this coming out was one of the hardest things he had ever done, and truly, it was. It still sat like an infected wound between him and his father, even if it was finally coming to be cleaned and properly tended after so long. Still, it did not make him a favorite at court, if anyone knew at all he kept it so tightly hidden.

"Husband," he murmured, the sound think on his tongue and his mind was suddenly filled with images of Tylendel. Beautiful Tylendel with his bright smile and golden hair. The one who had made him see what it was inside of him and given him more joy that he had ever know.

Yfandes let out a sound, pressing her muzzle to his chest and he sighed, brushing her mane as he let the memories momentarily sweep away, wrapped himself in their quiet comfort where before they had brought only staggering pain ( a change thanks, incredibly, to a small, young prince he had rescued).

"I am sorry, I being melancholy," he said, mastering himself and straightening. "I think it is very nice, that you have your 'husband' here."

Aside from having his sexuality used as a joke on multiple occasions, Apollo had never given it much thought. It was just something that was a part of him and he'd never tried to hide it. So he didn't have much experience to go off of when it comes to the 'coming out' process.

But he did understand the look that crossed Vanyel's face when he was lost in thought. Or maybe it was memories. If Apollo had to guess, Vanyel probably lost someone. That at least, he has some experience in. He nodded in understanding after Vanyel finally spoke.

"Yeah. Truth is, I hadn't seen him in years before I was brought here. Long story." He paused, as if considering what he was going to say next. "How about you? Do you...have anyone special?"

It had been a long time since he had spoken of these things, even to Savil. Certainly not to someone he barely knew, but in this world, he had no one to speak of it to except Yfandes. And as much as he loved her, she had never been able to fully comprehend what they had had. She had not been there when the relationship had blossomed, and Tylendel had brought him into being, into the man he was - in ways both soft and terrible. His fingers tightened into Yfandes' mane, silently debating, though of course he knew Yfandes would encourage this, encourage a talk with someone who might understood, who might offer support. She was always going on about how he needed more friends, even in his own world. To many of his were dying back home as it was, and the circle grew smaller every turn of the season.

"No, not now," he said quietly. "I did, once, but not now. It is better, that way, I am afraid I have to many enemies. It would be unfair to anyone I was with." That was his defense, and he stuck to it like a guardsman to his shield.

He did understand, up to a point. He understood the pain death could cause people. And he understood what it's like to have a lot of enemies. But perhaps that was where he had an advantage. Apollo has many enemies, but they're generally shared with his husband due to their profession.

"So, you don't even try relationships because you're worried about your enemies? I hate to break this to you, but the world is full of them. One day you could get into a stupid argument with someone and next thing you know, they're trying to kill you. There's never a way of knowing who's going to turn on you in the end."

He pushed some hair out of his face and sighed deeply. This really wasn't any of his business, but he couldn't help trying. Vanyel just seemed so...sad. "Anyways, just...think about it okay? I know it's none of my business, but life is too short to waste it trying to protect people from yourself."

Vanyel bit his lip, wanting to immediately lash out at the other, to tell him he had no business telling him what he thought was and was not right. But they were the arguments he had heard time and time again, from Yfandes, from Savil, from what friends he had left in the world. The only one who had not commented on such things was his 'niece'.

He looked at him, determined not to have to have this conversation again, and so going to strike the killing blow, here and now.

"Tell me how I am supposed to have a relationship again when the one man I will ever, truly love with all my heart died," he stated flatly, though the underlying pain choked his throat, his hand tightening in Yfandes' mane, and he was glad a horse's man had no nerves, so she could not feel how tight he gripped it.

Not just died. His soul torn to shreds, repudiated, and taken his own life, and Vanyel, even now, felt somewhat responsible, though Savil assured him more than once that there was nothing he could have done. And yet he knew this to be false, deep down, a pang of guilt he would never lose.

There was a long silence while Apollo considered the question. It was a very delicate topic to be sure, especially since he was having it with someone he'd only known a short while. A part of his brain was yelling at him for not just keeping his mouth shut in the first place.

But he'd started it, so he might as well see it through. "I can't really tell you that. In the end it's your choice. All I can tell you is anyone who's ever been in love has probably felt that way about someone. And do you really think you're the only one who's had that person die? I'm sure it's tough moving on, but that's what people do, one way or the other. We move on, move forward. We're resilient like that. You can't let one person be the end all be all of your life."

He didn't say anymore. He restrained himself from continuing in the hopes that something he'd say would break through the uncomfortable atmosphere. One day he'll learn when to keep his mouth shut.

He shook his head. "You do not understand. He was... he was my soul mate, my life bonded." He pressed his forehead to Yfandes', not knowing why he could tell these things to Apollo, but maybe it was him being a stranger, the knowledge that once he left this place the other could not follow, could not remember, could say nothing. It was easier, this way, to say it, to let it go. And the other knew, to some degree, his pain, being like him, he supposed. "He was the other half of my soul."

That last part choked him, reliving the night the other had died. He could see his body falling, him unable to stop it. He could hear the sick crunch of his body hitting the earth, the thunderclap after, and the horrible, terrible toll of the bell. Losing him had nearly driven him insane then and there, and only Yfandes and then later Moondance and his partner had brought him out of the haze of darkness that clouded his life, and in many ways, still did.

He wasn't completely sure what Vanyel meant when he said 'life bonded', but something told him right now really wasn't the moment to ask for specifics. Not when it obviously hurt him so much just saying the words. A bit a guilt swept through him. He shouldn't have pushed this. It wasn't his place.

He hesitated for a moment before moving closer to Vanyel and placed a gentle hand on his shoulder. It probably gave him little comfort, but it was all Apollo could do. "I'm sorry. You...don't have to say anymore if you don't want to."

Vanyel gulped, feeling oddly relieved he had cracked his mask some to talk to this man. He was sure later Yfandes would tell him 'I told you so', but right now she had the grace to remain quiet. Vanyel nodded his head, getting himself composed once more.

"I am sorry. I should not have said as much as I did," he said, letting go of Yfandes' mane and smoothing it in apology, laughing a bit at himself, though it sounded thick from near tears. "Oh dear, I'll have to brush her mane all over again, won't I? She'll never forgive me if I leave it a mess. She is a lady, after all."

He pulled away, going to his box to get out the mane brush, not noticing a flittering spark in the rafters.

"No, I shouldn't have said what I did. It's not my place to try and tell you what to feel or do. I thought it would help...but it obviously didn't." He fretted with some of his bangs. As much as he liked to think himself go with people, he'd never been that good with heart to hearts. If that was even what this could be classified as.

Maybe a joke was in order to lighten the mood. "Yeah, if there's one thing you should learn about ladies, it's that you should never mess up their hair-or mane-whatever the case may be."

He actually laughed at that, and it felt good. When was the last time he had truly laughed at something? At anything? He brought out a brush and went to his Companion, tenderly taking her forelock in his hands and brushing the silky hair.

"Since you were half the cause, you could get her a treat," he said, fixing Apollo with those deep, intelligent eyes of his eyes, less sunken with good sleep and good food. "Between you and me, she likes sweet things."

Yfandes snorted, ears twitching, but seemed to enjoy the idea of getting a treat more than any implied slight against her. Above them, the golden spark flittered closer, wisps of fairy dust fluttering down over the two men.

Why was it, thought Vanyel, that all that silver hair seemed suddenly so very attractive?

The fairy dust went unnoticed by Apollo, but he did find himself suddenly draw to Vanyel's eyes. They suddenly seemed so very...beautiful. It took him a moment to relocate his attention to their conversation."Sweet things. That could mean a lot of things. You might need to narrow it down a bit."

He really didn't know anything about horse. If left to decide on his own, he'd have probably brought her some candy or something.

"Caramel apples," he suggested with a faint smile as he brushed at her mane, trying not to keep glancing over the other.

What was wrong with him? Sure he had just had more of a heart to heart with him than he had with anyone in a long time, but that was no reason to start mooning like a love-struck calf! He shook his head, trying to keep hold of Yfandes' mane as she bobbed her head excitedly at the idea of an apple, especially one with caramel on it or anything sweet, in fact.

And for all that, he still kept glancing over at Apollo, finding himself looking longer and longer till he was blatantly staring.

Where was he supposed to get a caramel apple? He could have tried wishing for one, but he thought the wishes only worked on the castle grounds. So the only other option would be the town. There's sure to be a shop that sells them. He puzzled over it for a moment before he finally made his decision and looked back at Vanyel.

He was going to tell him that he'd be right back, but the words dried up when he caught the other man staring at him. There was a long pause before he managed to speak. "Uh...is something wrong?"

"What?" he asked, for the first time feeling terribly stupid.

It had not happened in a long while, and it left him fumble-footed to say the least. He had not felt this way since first coming to Haven as a boy. And that had been - what - fifteen years ago? More? He sometimes lost track.

"Oh, I... nothing," he mumbled. "I suppose I am just fascinated with your hair. I have only ever seen silver like that on the mages of the k'Trava clan. I am getting there myself." He smiled faintly and touched the silver streak running through his own hair.

He looked down at the hair that fell over his shoulder as if trying to figure out what was so fascinating about it. It was an usual color, that he knew, but he'd never given it much thought. Now though, he couldn't help but wonder if his hair had always been that color or if it was a side effect to the experiments that were done on him.

"Well, it's natural, mostly. It's been this color as long as I can remember. At least I won't have to worry about grey hairs when I'm older." He raised an eyebrow when he finally spotted the silver streak in Vanyel's hair. "Is that supposed to happen?"

He nodded. "It comes from handling Node magic. It is so much concentrated magic pouring through me at once, that it bleaches my hair. The mages of the k'Trava clan handle it so often and so much of it that their hair goes completely silver. I do not do it have as much, and so only have the streak. It makes me seem older than I am."

He seemed to sigh melodramatically at this, Yfandes rolling a blue eye.

He considered Vanyel for a moment before breaking out into a grin. "Not older, exactly, maybe just wiser. How old are you really?" If what Vanyel said was true, then it had the opposite affect on Apollo. He didn't necessarily look younger, but he had aged gracefully despite his rough lifestyle.

He thought about it, actually scrunching his brow, shifting to put the mane comb away, and at the same time bring himself closer to Apollo, imagining the other was giving off a very lovely smell. Above them, a pixie tittered to itself and dropped more dust on them - a pixie bucket load.

"I will say I am in my thirties," he admitted at last, not wanting to give to much away, some of his peacock attitudes rising on a whim.

Apollo watched him curiously, and if he shifted a bit closer it was really only because he was showing an interest in the topic. Really. "You looked like you had to think about it. Do you not keep track of your birthday?"

Not that Apollo would be able to give anyone his exact age either. He didn't even know when his birthday was.

"Well, when you do not celebrate it regularly, I suppose one does tend to loose track," he admitted, leaning back up and suddenly realizing how close Apollo was.

He licked his lips, wanting so much to reach out and touch him, to slid his hands into that silver hair and press their lips together, to give himself over in every way to the other man. His body ached for touch. He could feel it in his bones. He was a man and had a man's needs, but alas not always the means to relieve them, nor the energy.

And yet, here, right in front of him, was a man who could.

But no! He had a husband. A husband... but did the husband have to know? What? No of course he did! What was wrong with him?

.... That hair was gorgeous though, and unconsciously he found himself reached up to wrap the ends around his delicate fingers, calloused from sword and reigns, turning his eyes up to Apollo's.

"Happy occasions are, alas, far and in between for me..."

"I know what you mean. We once thought about picking a random day of the year to celebrate our birthdays. But it just felt too...forced. So the best I can do is guess my age." He watched as Vanyel licked his lips, suddenly drawn to them for some reason. He usually wasn't like this. He doesn't ever stand around and stare at another man's lips that aren't his husbands.

And suddenly he remembered why whatever was happening wasn't good. But why then did it feel so good? A startled sound caught in his throat when Vanyel touched his hair and suddenly he was caught by his eyes.

"That's...terrible. Maybe here you'll have better luck at making some."

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