paradisalost | Discoveries [Closed]

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Discoveries [Closed]

Who: Vanyel & Apollo
What: Vanyel is bringing in Yfandes after their day of joy bringing, and meets a friend in the barn - where there are sugarplum fairies.
When: After this
Where: in the barn
Warnings: sugarplum fairies, kissings, freaking out

Leaving the blue and silver sleigh out back, Vanyel led his Companion into the warmth of the stables. Despite all the work she had done, the Companion proclaimed herself not in the least tired, though she did proclaim to be cold. This, of course, Vanyel knew to be an invitation to pamper her with a warm mash and blankets and a good brushing. He could only laugh and shake his head, marveling at how the cold weather and the prospect of the this 'Christmas' holiday had put such a prance into his dear one's step. Truthfully, they both needed it after the months spent on the front lines fighting off demons and all manner of more mundane things that nonetheless left them bloodied, muddied, and tired. He knew she appreciated getting to be beautiful again and to bring something other than stark terror. It did get tiring, being called 'demons' and such by the Karsites.

"All right, there we go," he said warmly to her as he set down a hot mash for her at the entrance to her stall, the door left perpetually open.

He moved a bit to the side and began to stroke her mane, working the knots out of it, and began carrying on what, to most, would seem a very odd and one-sided conversation.

"No, of course you look lovely."

"Yes, I did enjoy today. It was nice. I cannot remember the last time I heard children laugh around us."

"Well, that is only because they do not know anything of me."

"We are supposed to inspire trust in ordinary folk. And no one there was Herald or knew my.... "legend"." This last word was said with some contempt.

"If I promise to try will you just eat your mash?" And now he almost growled, but his fingers still moved gently through his hair, not wanting to hurt his beloved despite his growing ire.

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Apollo was casually strolling by when he heard a familiar voice and decided to poke his head into the stables for a look. He came up behind Vanyel and Yfandes and watched them for a moment, faintly amused by Vanyel seemingly talking to himself. But he'd known people who talked to their cats and never got a response so he knew this was a bit different.

Softly, so he doesn't startle them, he finally speaks up. "What's she saying?"

Vanyel nearly did jump. It happened sometimes, when he got into a sort of groove, his nerves going into a sort of auto-mode that, frankly, was something of a danger. He relaxed when he realized it was Apollo, Yfandes whickering her hello before returning to her mash daintily.

"Oh, she is just commenting that I need to make more friends her," he said, letting go of her mane to get up and fetch her a warm blanket now that she had cooled some.

"Well, you definitely have a large pool to choose from. Most of them are pretty friendly."

He watched Vanyel, or at least tried to, but his eyes kept being drawn back to Yfandes. This was the first time he was seeing her in person and...he wasn't really sure what he'd expected. "She's beautiful."

Another whinny greeted this statement and she arched her neck, posing for the other man. Vanyel rolled his eyes at her, though they were soft with love for his dearest friend, his Companion, a piece of his soul that had kept him from loosing everything with the other piece had left the world. She still had her red ribbons in her hair and a bit of mistletoe behind her ear.

"She says thank you," he said as he opened a trunk in front of her stall and pulled out her thick blanket colored a deep blue to match her eyes and gilded with silver.

He walked in to throw it over her and fasten it, Yfandes standing perfectly still, though she did toss her head a few times to pose and show herself off to Apollo.

He laughed when she struck her poses and slightly bowed his head to her. This was definitely one of the more interesting interactions he's had since arriving here. "She's very welcome. I think she enjoys the attention."

He approached her carefully, one hand held out before him as if he was going to pat her across her forehead. But he stopped just before and shot a glance between her and Vanyel. "May I?" He was asking either or both of them.

Vanyel looked up, his eyes seeming to glass some as words passed between him and his Companion.

"She says you may," he finally intoned, going to fetch a hoof pick now to clean Yfandes' hooves. For all that she was practically magic incarnate, she still had the form of a horse, and all a horse's woes and needs at times.

Yfandes cocked her head at Apollo, blue eyes bright and leaned forward in demand of attention.

He grinned and brought his hand down to pat her gently a couple of times. She knew how to handle herself gracefully, even Apollo could see that. And the intelligence in her eyes was also hard to mistake.

"Did you two just get in from a ride?"

"No, actually. She insisted she wanted to bring some Christmas cheer, and so we gave some of the children sleigh rides," he said, checking her hooves one by one as he spoke, glad that a few simple brushes were enough to clean them out versus having to pick things out.

He set her last hoof down and came out from the stall, letting himself smily faintly at Apollo as Yfandes enjoyed the attentions.

"What brings you down here?" he asked him, taking the now empty mash bucket.

"That's a great idea. I'm sure the children loved it." He spoke directly to Yfandes this time and gave her another pat. Thinking of the children he was reminded of his daughter. Christmas had always been hard for her after she had those dreams about Lobo killing Santa Claus. She probably would have enjoyed the sleigh ride though.

"Do people celebrate Christmas where you're from, or is this your first?" He stood, wondering whether he should offer his assistance in whatever it was Vanyel was doing. But he doesn't know another thing about caring for a horse so he figured he wouldn't be that helpful.

"I just wanted some new surroundings. Being cooped up in the castle too long makes me miss the outside. Plus I get a better charge when I'm out and about."

Ah, that was right, Apollo needed sun to gain his powers, did he not? He remembered the other telling him that on the expedition, the thought crossing his mind making Yfandes snort in displeasure, remembering it too and her worry for her Chosen.

He filled the mash bucket with water and let it sit, sending her warming reassurance through their link.

"We do not have a Christmas, no," he said. "We do have winter holidays, but nothing like this or what I have read. Certainly I have never heard of this 'Jesus of Nazareth'. But I can appreciate the sentiments behind all of it - family, good tidings, cheer." He smiled fondly at Yfandes, with her braided and threaded mane and tale, her coat still shiny and white. "I take it you do?"

Family was what it came down to for Apollo and his family. They didn't have any religious ties, and Christmas seems to be the default for any non-religious family with kids. It's become less a Christian holiday and more an International Presents Day. Plus Apollo was a sucker for Christmas Specials.

"Yeah, usually. It's just putting me in a weird mood this year. Probably because this is my first Christmas without my daughter."

Vanyel stopped when he heard the word 'daughter', visions of his own child running through his head. He suddenly felt a deep longing spread through, wanting to see her bright little face again. He had three others besides her, but had never felt the same connection with them as he did her, probably because he hardly saw them. He was not 'Uncle Van' to them.

"I am sorry. It must be hard for you," he said at last, seeming distant in his words and knowing it and unable to stop it.

Yfandes snorted, turning to him and nudging his shoulder gently, inwardly giving him what comfort she could, missing the precious little girl as well.

He shrugged and shook his head. It was difficult, being without Jenny. He thought about her every day, wondering what he'd say to her if he ever got the chance to get out of this place. But he wasn't as bad off as some people. He wasn't alone here.

"It is a bit. But my husband is here and Jenny...she's only eight but I think she can take better care of herself then I ever could." He grinned. "Eight going on thirty-eight she is."

That stopped him dead. Yfandes cocked an ear at Apollo, but showed no outward signs of surprise, where as Vanyel was as frozen as an icicle.

Slowly he turned to look at Apollo, his face unreadable, having spent years schooling it into a sort of placid mask.

"Husband?" he asked quietly.

Apollo raised an eyebrow and shifted his weight into a more stable stance. He wasn't trying to be threatening, but he'd learned over the years it's better to be prepared for any kind of reaction, especially physical ones.

"Yes. Husband. Is that a problem?"

"I... no," he said at last. "I just... I had not expected it."

His own stance was not one of threat, but one of surprise, perhaps a bit of relief. He was not alone here. Yes, Apollo was off the market, but he had not wanted him that way anyways. He hardly wanted anyone that way, though Haven knew he took looks and had had a night or two. But not enough, and not often. Besides that guard when was the last time he had lain with another?

He looked at Apollo again, as if seeing him for the first time and brushed a stray hair behind his ear.

Apollo relaxed his stance and gave Vanyel a small smile. Most of the reactions he'd gotten since coming here were either surprise or dismissing. Obviously everyone had more to worry about then the sexuality of two men. But it was still a nice change. Just not one he expected to last.

"Yeah, I mean, we don't really fit any of the stereotypes. But then again, a lot of us don't."

He licked his lips. "I used to," he said quietly, remember when he had been a simple, normal teenage boy.

He had been then and was now a peacock, seeking the praise of any, yearning to fill the hole his father had dug in him that now was still being mended, but on the mend. Back then... gods, he had not even known what he was, not until Tylendel. And now, still, people looked at him oddly for it. Or, if he was honest, oddly at him for his power. It was all so confusing it gave him headaches at times.

"I've never... met anyone else, like me," he said at last. "Well, I have, but two of them I see if rarely and the other two I saw hardly at all."

He took a minute to process that. It was his turn to look a bit surprised. He wondered briefly how he could have missed that, but then chalked it up to him not having any sense of gay-dar what so ever.

"So you...like men." It was more a statement than a question and he quickly followed it up with, "Uh, me neither actually. My husband and I move in a very exclusive circle back home where we're usually the only ones...like us."

He nodded slowly, as if this coming out was one of the hardest things he had ever done, and truly, it was. It still sat like an infected wound between him and his father, even if it was finally coming to be cleaned and properly tended after so long. Still, it did not make him a favorite at court, if anyone knew at all he kept it so tightly hidden.

"Husband," he murmured, the sound think on his tongue and his mind was suddenly filled with images of Tylendel. Beautiful Tylendel with his bright smile and golden hair. The one who had made him see what it was inside of him and given him more joy that he had ever know.

Yfandes let out a sound, pressing her muzzle to his chest and he sighed, brushing her mane as he let the memories momentarily sweep away, wrapped himself in their quiet comfort where before they had brought only staggering pain ( a change thanks, incredibly, to a small, young prince he had rescued).

"I am sorry, I being melancholy," he said, mastering himself and straightening. "I think it is very nice, that you have your 'husband' here."

Aside from having his sexuality used as a joke on multiple occasions, Apollo had never given it much thought. It was just something that was a part of him and he'd never tried to hide it. So he didn't have much experience to go off of when it comes to the 'coming out' process.

But he did understand the look that crossed Vanyel's face when he was lost in thought. Or maybe it was memories. If Apollo had to guess, Vanyel probably lost someone. That at least, he has some experience in. He nodded in understanding after Vanyel finally spoke.

"Yeah. Truth is, I hadn't seen him in years before I was brought here. Long story." He paused, as if considering what he was going to say next. "How about you? Do you...have anyone special?"

It had been a long time since he had spoken of these things, even to Savil. Certainly not to someone he barely knew, but in this world, he had no one to speak of it to except Yfandes. And as much as he loved her, she had never been able to fully comprehend what they had had. She had not been there when the relationship had blossomed, and Tylendel had brought him into being, into the man he was - in ways both soft and terrible. His fingers tightened into Yfandes' mane, silently debating, though of course he knew Yfandes would encourage this, encourage a talk with someone who might understood, who might offer support. She was always going on about how he needed more friends, even in his own world. To many of his were dying back home as it was, and the circle grew smaller every turn of the season.

"No, not now," he said quietly. "I did, once, but not now. It is better, that way, I am afraid I have to many enemies. It would be unfair to anyone I was with." That was his defense, and he stuck to it like a guardsman to his shield.

He did understand, up to a point. He understood the pain death could cause people. And he understood what it's like to have a lot of enemies. But perhaps that was where he had an advantage. Apollo has many enemies, but they're generally shared with his husband due to their profession.

"So, you don't even try relationships because you're worried about your enemies? I hate to break this to you, but the world is full of them. One day you could get into a stupid argument with someone and next thing you know, they're trying to kill you. There's never a way of knowing who's going to turn on you in the end."

He pushed some hair out of his face and sighed deeply. This really wasn't any of his business, but he couldn't help trying. Vanyel just seemed so...sad. "Anyways, just...think about it okay? I know it's none of my business, but life is too short to waste it trying to protect people from yourself."

Vanyel bit his lip, wanting to immediately lash out at the other, to tell him he had no business telling him what he thought was and was not right. But they were the arguments he had heard time and time again, from Yfandes, from Savil, from what friends he had left in the world. The only one who had not commented on such things was his 'niece'.

He looked at him, determined not to have to have this conversation again, and so going to strike the killing blow, here and now.

"Tell me how I am supposed to have a relationship again when the one man I will ever, truly love with all my heart died," he stated flatly, though the underlying pain choked his throat, his hand tightening in Yfandes' mane, and he was glad a horse's man had no nerves, so she could not feel how tight he gripped it.

Not just died. His soul torn to shreds, repudiated, and taken his own life, and Vanyel, even now, felt somewhat responsible, though Savil assured him more than once that there was nothing he could have done. And yet he knew this to be false, deep down, a pang of guilt he would never lose.

There was a long silence while Apollo considered the question. It was a very delicate topic to be sure, especially since he was having it with someone he'd only known a short while. A part of his brain was yelling at him for not just keeping his mouth shut in the first place.

But he'd started it, so he might as well see it through. "I can't really tell you that. In the end it's your choice. All I can tell you is anyone who's ever been in love has probably felt that way about someone. And do you really think you're the only one who's had that person die? I'm sure it's tough moving on, but that's what people do, one way or the other. We move on, move forward. We're resilient like that. You can't let one person be the end all be all of your life."

He didn't say anymore. He restrained himself from continuing in the hopes that something he'd say would break through the uncomfortable atmosphere. One day he'll learn when to keep his mouth shut.

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