paradisalost | I'll be there for you... when you come back from the expedition

Who: Jo, Jet, Spike S., Max, Julia, and Gwaine.
Where: Jo's house in the city.
What: Gwaine returns after the expedition. Julia is upset. Clearly.
When: ... when Gwaine returns.
Notes: Friends Loss Continues.

[Apparently, when you're raised in a military-like compound and not exposed to pop-culture while you grow up -- you miss out on a lot of things. Max has recently realized that she doesn't exactly know all of the movies that Jo and Julia grew up loving. We'll skip over the part where Jo and Julia know all the words to Lawfully Pretty and skip right to where they're trying to explain to Max that hard work does pay off and that the core message is really about accepting you for yourself, and that the sequel deals with a side of animal rights. Which, they figure Max will appreciate.]

We can watch the next one, too. [You know, in case Gwaine isn't back yet. She glances to the boys, because she is not putting in Die With Difficulty again. This is supposed to be making Julia feel better.]

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[He doesn't speak. He doesn't start. It might have been like he didn't even hear her except for his hands suddenly tightening around hers. It's not enough to be painful, but it does tell her he did hear—and he's struggling with it. A feeling like ice is trickling down his spine. He swallows a few times, his heart rate jumping until he can feel it at the base of his neck. When he finally speaks, it's faint.]

W-what?

[This isn't any easier for her. Her own struggle is painfully evident from the way she continues to stare at their joined hands, her conflicting thoughts practically visible passing over her face. She doesn't try to pull away, or even make any resistance at all, when he tightens his grip. Allowing herself this one last indulgence.

And thereby turning this into what feels like the hardest thing she's ever done.]

A break. From this. [She says it like she's trying to convince herself more than she is him, but falters on the last word. It takes her a few moments to regain the strength to go on. When she does, she finally lifts her eyes to find his, and her voice is barely above a whisper.] .... From us.

Why? Wh-why, why? Why? [His thoughts, which had screeched to a halt, are a mess. It takes him a while to realize he's babbling out loud. Even after he notices, it proves difficult to stop. He's still holding Julia's hand, but he's clutching it now like a lifeline. Please don't, please don't, he'll do anything, he'll be anything you want, he will go out right now and stab Arthur in the eye if he must, but please.] Please. Please don't.

[Something flashes over her face in that moment. Is she beginning to have second thoughts? No matter what happened, how much it hurt her, this almost hurts more. Knowingly watching someone you love crumble to pieces because of you.

She shuts her eyes, trying to shut it all out. That's the only way she can keep her resolve.]

It's for the best.

[... But she still has yet to make a move to wrench her hand from his grasp.]

No. No! No, it's not for the best. Julia, why— I am sorry I went on that trip without telling you. I am sorry I did not communicate all week. I am sorry for whatever else I may have done...! We-we do not need a break. We're fine. We are. Please. Please, Julia, please, I am begging you.

Don't.

[Of course he can't understand the ramifications of what he's done. Just how much he's teetered the balance of a something that's already fragile. But they can't keep doing this to each other, keep falling into this cycle.

Sweet words and good intentions can't save them. Nothing can.]

I have to.

[That's the death knell. Her voice is quiet, but her mind is made up. In one final act of defiance, she tugs her hand away at last.]

[He's left grasping at nothing but air. There's a pause that drags on, the silence heavy. Everything hurts. And it's too raw, too present, too real for him to remain. He turns around and walks out.]

[Her hand drops quietly to her side, but she otherwise remains perfectly still as he walks away from her. She's trying her hardest to remain as composed about this as possible. This is the right thing to do. What needed to be done. No reason to think otherwise.

But there's one thing giving her away. It's the look on her face, a hint of the same one that passed there before. Subtle, maybe, but it's enough. Despite her best efforts to portray otherwise, she's falling apart.]

I'll be there for you... when you come back from the expedition

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