paradisalost | 020. [action

Entry tags:

tohru adachi

020. [action | I'm not sorry]

[If you come into the games room tonight you'll find something a little out of place. Something a little strange.

Why it's nothing other than a grown man sitting on the couch, hugging his knees close to his chest and watching some magical girl anime on the TV-

...wait.

That's right, after that whole Light Rock Warriors incident you'd think Adachi would never want to look at magical girls ever again. On the contrary, the opposite ended up happening: he ended up searching up some DVDs and waiting until late at night when the games room was empty and unused to start watching said DVDs. Might as well, right?

Tonight though he's in there earlier than usual. Why? Because he's downright excited for the episodes of the latest season of Cutie Pure he's watching tonight. Too excited to wait till later. So the instant that he found it empty he's in there ready to go.

He looks like a big kid getting far too involved in what he's watching, a bowl of popcorn next to him]

You can do it Pure Symphony!! Save your papa!

[oh god someone please catch him and ruin his life......... (or join him)]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[IS LEANING IN ALL EXCITEDLY OH MY GOSH HE IS FORGETTING ALL OF THEIR DIFFERENCES BECAUSE THIS IS JUST

THE CUTEST THING

EVER!!!!]

No, I think that's enough ribbons! Too many and the outfit becomes impractical. You need just the right amount of ribbons to be cute but not ruin the audience's suspension of disbelief when they see her fighting evil in it!

[THIS IS AMAZING AND HE'S FORGOTTEN ALL ABOUT ~THE ENEMY~ IN FAVOR OF THE CUTE.

...a few pencil strokes add just the right amount of lace accents for that added cute but not too impractical.]

Yeah, you're right. You gotta be able to move in it. But that'll do! Half of the evil will die of the cute and she can kick the asses of the rest! ...Bet I could make it.

Oh man, you totally could! You could easily get the materials just by wishing for them!

[hang on though]

Oh but... what would her Pure name be...?

I'm gonna do it! I know about what size and I can take it in after a fitting.

[Oh right. Her name. Well Souji said her arcana was justice, and justice was a bunch of angels, and if you're going with angel music... His conclusion is actually off-base, but oh well.]

...If we're goin' with the theme of Sweet... Pure Aria? 'Cause she's like a little angel and that's what they sing.

Oh! That's a good one!

[he clears his throat and then speaks in a dramatic voice]

"Singing the aria of the soul, Pure Aria!" Uwaa, it has a real ring to it!

Yeah! It'll be so cute and sweet you'll keel right over from diabetes!

Oh man! I'm sure her father would-

[aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand that's when he abruptly stops, realizing what he just said. He goes completely quiet, before a sad look crosses his face.

Oops.]

Yeah, he wo--

[Sudden silence. So very, very awkward. Should he say something?]

[he looks away, reverting back to his spot far on the other side of the couch, hugging his knees close to chest and hiding half his face behind them. His eyes face ahead but don't seem to be focused on anything except something far off.

How did he know if Dojima would like it or not? He didn't even remember anything about the man.

Finally after an awkward silence]

Shame he's not here anymore.

[absently starts padding around for the remote again in order to start the next episode]

He was here?

[And now he's not? Oh man, it must have broken Nanako's heart. ...and Adachi's too, by the looks of it. Damn. Kanji just goes quiet, turning his attention back to the TV.]

[remote get] Yeah. For a little bit. He might've been here before too, before I showed up this time around.

[so Nanako might've lost him twice. Not something he likes to think about.

He fiddles with it, getting the next episode ready, and is quiet for a while after it starts, before finally speaking up again during the opening theme song]

Have you figured out what your loss is yet?

Dammit.

[He feels awful for Nanako, to have her dad and suddenly not. He knows what it's like to lose a ... oh damn he doesn't want to think about it; that awful blank where his dad should be. He curls up, knees to his chest and only half watching the show.]

...Yeah. My dad. I...I can't remember my dad.

[oh shit. Adachi stops to stare at Kanji for a moment. It was common knowledge at the station that Kanji's dad was dead, what with all the times the police had to deal with him and call his mother. While he didn't have to do any of that personally, he heard it gossiped about plenty of times. Other cops trying to talk about "where Tatsumi went wrong", what made him such a delinquent...

He looks away again. Huh, they're even sitting the same way now aren't they? It's a little surreal to him, to find he has something in common with one of the kids now.]

Wow. So we're in the same boat then. Mine is similar.

[Adachi too? ...damn, it's really weird to know he has something in common with this man. Some thing that feels the same, even if it isn't exactly the same. He buries his face in his knees for a couple minutes before speaking again.]

I'm sorry. Feels like a piece of me got torn right out. It sucks. Must suck for you too.

[But he can't just sit and feel terrible. Even if he's scared he'll never get those memories back, he can't just lie back and take it. No giving up for any Tatsumi!]

's why I gotta keep looking and fighting. Gonna find out how to get back what the castle took and send everybody home.

[He falters on trying to sound hopeful, and winces at the thread of fear he can hear in his voice. But he's got determination and stubbornness in spades, so the fear won't hold him back.]

It felt confusing to say the least.

[that's something he mutters under his breath. He remembers what it was like back then, not even having a name or a face. Just blanks in his memory where a person should be. At least Tatsumi could tell it was his dad he was missing; Adachi couldn't even tell who was missing.

Yet... he's still not sure if he was better off back then when he didn't know any of that or have any of those things. When he was still ignorant. When he could pretend he forgot his girlfriend or something. When he wasn't busy asking himself "why that man?" stuck wondering why he was important to him at all forevermore. Nepeta called Dojima his "moirail" but...

He listens to Kanji and has to suppress an eye roll. Whatever. The kid will be stuck here for a year or two and realize how futile that kind of thinking is in time.]

Well if you do, don't send me home please. I'd rather be here than back in Japan.

[Adachi gets an eye roll in that Kanji doesn't even try to suppress.]

Just 'cause I'm givin' you a pass here, doesn't mean you get a pass at home. When we find a way home you're going back to finish payin' for what you did. When you're done you can go on and do whatever you want, go wherever you want--hell, you could come back here if you really like it that much better--but you gotta stand up and be a man about your punishment.

[Adachi stares at Kanji again momentarily in disbelief before laughing bitterly]

Wow. You really think that? You really think that I'm going to get out of prison? You kids really had and still have no idea do you?

Well, let me fill you in on a couple things about our glorious legal system. As an ex-cop, y'know. [there's a smile on his face, but it's not the same as the one he had on while talking about Pure Nanako and magical girls. It's a bitter mile from a jaded man that almost feels predatory in nature.] You know what's in my future back home?

A nice noose strung up by none other than the legal system itself.

I'm as good as death row kid. Even with the lack of evidence, my confession and the public's clamor for my death will be enough for them to go ahead and do it. It'll take years and maybe the legal system will change in that time or someone will find a loop hole on my behalf, but trust me. They'll damn well try. Just like they do with every other murderer. The Fog Murderer will die just like every other murderer before him.

That's the kind of world we live in; that's the kind of justice we serve. And you know what? At one point I was completely fine with that. I would have rather died than ever get out of prison and live in that shit world we call "home" again.

[the bitter smile is gone and instead Adachi resembles a defensive animal]

But then this place happened. And things have changed. And you'll have to drag me kicking from screaming back to that place and away from this life and people I've grown to actually care about.

[that last part hadn't been intended. It just came out that way. He hasn't even realized what he just said. Maybe someone has been taking notes from all the friendship speeches in magical girl shows after all...?]

[Kanji just stares at first. They're going to kill him? Sure he didn't pay that much attention to cops or laws or anything but could he seriously miss something that huge?]

What? ...you ain't lyin'?

[There's a long, long moment where he visibly struggles with that. If Adachi is lying he's just being a bastard like usual. If he's telling the truth...

Adachi deserves to be punished, no doubt about that. But he wasn't behind the whole damn thing. Izanami's gone, and Adachi has a big part of the blame, but not all of it. There's his own guilt too, a whole boatload of it.]

I wanted to kill Namatame. Not even with the TV; I wanted to beat the shit outta him. I wanted him to hurt and die for what he'd done--what I thought he'd done. We almost did it too; if Souji-senpai hadn't stopped us...

[He shudders at the memory.] Thinking it over later, I realized how wrong it was. Made me a hypocrite. Revenge isn't justice. If he didn't deserve a second chance once he'd paid for what he'd done, why did I? I did a lot of shit back before... I probably woulda killed somebody eventually, or gotten killed myself. You heard all about it, if the other cops are anything to go by.

[Then the frustration kicks in and he drags his hands through his hair, nearly snarling. He used to think cops were all bastards out to get him. Unfair and judgmental and making a big deal out of things that weren't. The case and his friends and Naoto changed his mind about that--he was part of the problem in his case, but hearing this... all the doubts bubble back up. He'll have to look it up later, if he can.]

What I'm tryin' to say... You deserve to be punished. You way deserve it. But you don't deserve to die. If I gotta stand up and say that to everybody, I will.

[It's only then that he even tries to tackle the rest and shit. Shit. Adachi cares about people. He'll believe it when he sees it, but that expression rings a bell. All that defensiveness, resorting to lashing out out of fear and anger. Oh yeah, he knows that expression. If the world was gonna hate him and be afraid of him he damn well was gonna give them a reason. He wasn't going to let them kick him while he was down; he'd hit them first. He doesn't like Adachi, but if this is true--big if--then maybe Adachi isn't entirely so different from the rest of them. Lost and hurting and running from his own fears and bad sides.]

I... I don't know. Dammit. I hate this.

[he still can't believe he cares about people either. Realizing what he said, he has to stop and think for a moment: who did he mean when he said that...?

He listens quietly. To be honest most of the stuff Kanji's saying means relatively nothing to him... but he guesses(?) he can appreciate that last sentiment.

He waves his hand dismissively] If it helps you sleep easier at night, you could think of my loss as continued punishment, considering the castle brought that person here then took him away again. [it was cruel as fuck thanks castle] Not to mention all the other shit it's done and will probably keep on doing.

020. [action | I'm not sorry]

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EDITS EVERYWHERE (FUU)

all the edits haha

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1/2 tl;dr time omg i'm so sorry gjkdfhjkfd

but at least all my research finally went to good use... sob

1/? ...We all love some good tl;dr

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done. alskjf right back at you on the tl;dr I guess

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sorry this is so late!

It's okay! :3 1/2

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