96.1 - backdated to Monday @ 10 PM

[hard-talker.livejournal.com]

[ten PM sees the castle being serenaded by the usual song - but it's a cover, this time - a woman's lilt instead of Leonard Cohen's gravelly rumble]

Hey, folks, it's that time again. This is Hard Harry comin' at you with a fistful of this week's sticky scoop on life in Castle Wonderfuck. Apparently, the place has turned itself into the Far East for however fucking long. Guess we all gotta start reading up on Indian horror stories? As long as the cows don't start attacking us, I think I'll be good. And hey, even if we do? Free sacred cheeseburgers. Moo moo moo, motherfuckers. [Harry snickers and lights up a cigarette, spinning around in his chair. once he's taken a drag, he sets it in his ashtray, then picks up the pouch of caisos he found on his dresser and starts tossing it up and down in time with the music. clink, clink]

I think my question for the week is, who's got the best batshit meteor loss story? That seems to have been last week's running topic of discussion, so I think we should turn tonight into the Greatest Hits. And I'm not talking angst fodder, I'm talking, you saw someone make a complete idiot out of themselves. The kind of shit that gets photos in the yearbook. Or would if we had one.

New people! We got a lot of those this week, didn't we? A tip of the hat I'm not wearin' to Elrond, Aveline, Bethany, Steve, Castiel, Ryotaro, Noble Six, Xena, Geoffrey, andBucky! Also, correct me if I'm wrong, but I think a couple of the random people that showed up during all that meteor craziness stuck around, too. ....

So, let's hear it, folks! Stories, questions, comments, concerns. Random castle hatred binges. Whatever's on your mind, hit me with it. That's why I sit on my ass in this spinny chair once a week, ain't it? Let's go!

Comments

[forgedinbattle.livejournal.com]

Xena. [Such a good conversationalist, this one. /sob]

[hard-talker.livejournal.com]

Pretty cool name. ... Someone give you the scoop on this place, yet?

[forgedinbattle.livejournal.com]

[So dry] I've been kidnapped by a magic castle that grants wishes and screws with us. And apparently, I've been here before, so I can expect strange people thinking that they know me.

[hard-talker.livejournal.com]

[heh, one of the dry ones. he likes her already - she reminds him a bit of Sarge] Ouch, a repeat offender. I'm twice as sorry you got sucked in, then. But you sound like you don't put up with bullshit often, if at all.

[forgedinbattle.livejournal.com]

[And you can probably hear the smirk in her voice.] That obvious, huh? Something tells me my usual methods aren't gonna be much use here, though.

[hard-talker.livejournal.com]

Oh, yeah? What're the usual methods, f'ya don't mind my askin'?

[forgedinbattle.livejournal.com]

Sword, chakram, and pressure points. Little hard to use against a castle.

[hard-talker.livejournal.com]

Yeah, just a little, heheh. We've got lotsa fighters here, though, and trust me, you'll have plenty to use 'em against sooner or later. We get a lot of assholes and random monsters every couple months...

... What's a chakram?

[forgedinbattle.livejournal.com]

Sounds like home. [Sadly, this is not a joke.]

It's a rounded blade. You can take out a handful of men before they so much as swing their swords if you throw it right.

[hard-talker.livejournal.com]

Holy shit, so it's like a cross between a sword and a boomerang? ... Remind me to never piss you off.

[forgedinbattle.livejournal.com]

Heh. I don't use it on innocent civilians. Unless you get a sudden urge to go warlord or raid the nearby town, you'll be fine.

[hard-talker.livejournal.com]

Nah, you missed the week where I lost my moral fortitude already. Hopefully it won't happen again, but y'never know with this place.

[forgedinbattle.livejournal.com]

Sounds like a fun place. [If she ever loses her moral fortitude? Run. Seriously.]

[hard-talker.livejournal.com]

Great thing about a statement like that? Sarcasm or no, depending on the day? You're always right.

[forgedinbattle.livejournal.com]

[That actually gets a laugh] Guess so.

[hard-talker.livejournal.com]

Heh heh... so, Xena. Since you're already used to fighting assholes and monsters, that brings us to column B... does magic exist where you're from?

[forgedinbattle.livejournal.com]

Yeah. Mostly it's a god thing, though.

[hard-talker.livejournal.com]

So ... you guys are in contact with your gods? That's ... kind of a new thing for me, since I got here.

[he's had a few conversations with The Almighty, anyway]

[forgedinbattle.livejournal.com]

Yeah, some people are. Believe me, it's not always a good thing. If I could get Ares out of my hair permanently, I'd be a happy woman.

[hard-talker.livejournal.com]

God of war, right? I remember that from my mythology book. .... Damn. Yeah, don't think he necessarily would seem like a nice guy.

[forgedinbattle.livejournal.com]

Yep. He's a pain in the neck. They're not all so bad, though. Cupid's a decent guy. He's here- you might've met him.

[hard-talker.livejournal.com]

You mean, like arrows and hearts, that Cupid? .... Nah, I didn't realize he was here. That's ... [he whistles]

Valentine's Day oughta be interesting this year.

[forgedinbattle.livejournal.com]

Yeah, with the arrows. [Those. damn. arrows.] From what I hear, it's a bit of a sore point. Apparently he's not crazy about the way you guys represent him.

[hard-talker.livejournal.com]

So ... what's he really like, then? If anyone here'd know, it'd be you, right?

[forgedinbattle.livejournal.com]

Think less "flying kid in a diaper" and more "grown man with wings." I don't know him too well, but he seems alright. Though his kid could do with a bit more supervision if you ask me. Let me tell you, those arrows can cause a lot of trouble.