paradisalost | ╬ eleventh bite; the same deep water as you

[ It's been over a week since he's had a drop of blood. He had invited Jack to breakfast, to change how it looked. But, he couldn't change the fact that he was using Jack. But, Jack was fine with it. It had been his idea in the first place. This way, he avoided attacking people like Lana. He wonders if in fact drinking human blood is changing him, if what he did to Wes not bothering him is something to worry about. He'd been wondering how he could keep this under wraps from Elena. Damon was all ready suspicious. He knew. Stefan wasn't saved. Or better. He was drowning. It was apparent in his run-around conversation with Booth, in his conversation with Fred. Even Ianto.

A few days ago he'd started feeling it, the urge, the need. But, he'd ignored it. He couldn't trust himself in the clinic. He'd take too much. He'd run out of his trunk of blood a few weeks back.

Quickly, he writes a message to Jack. ]

( Jack Harkness )

Can you get away?

[ Waiting, Stefan tries his best at patience. Out of frustration, he swings his arm, knocking his journal to the ground - open.

At the knock, Stefan wastes vampire speed to open the door. He might look like any old addict if it wasn't for hints of black in his eyes. ]

Come in.

Such a gentleman.

[Jack chuckles, his distinct voice hard to mistake even if it's a little distant as he steps inside.]

I'm trying to be better.

[ Stefan closes the door and still doesn't notice the open journal. ]

To need it less. To curb the cravings.

[ He takes Jack's jacket. By now, they have a routine down. ]

I talked to Ianto.

Really? [Jack flops down on the couch, propping his feet on the coffee table. After a while, he figured that he could at least make himself comfortable given the service he was providing Stefan.] Did you tell him anything?

I couldn't. It's not mine to tell.

[ He peels himself away from the doorway and goes to sit beside Jack. ]

I can't judge you for not telling him. It's not like I'm...not doing the exact same thing.

[ He looks at Jack. ]

Elena and I are back together.

[Jack sighs, running a hand through his hair]

I should tell him. I just don't want him to worry over nothing. If she's as special as she sounds, don't let something like this ruin things.

[Jack knows from experience that nothing is worth the loss of someone that accepts you for better or worse.]

Easier said than done. So much is easier said than done.

[ Stefan grips the back of the couch, trying to deny that he needs a fix. ]

I need it, Jack. I want to ... not have to need it. For weeks I haven't been able to come to terms with the castle doing this to me. At least with another loss, a memory loss -- maybe Elena could be safe and away from the danger that Damon and I pose for her.

[ He gulps down air. ]

I used to just put Damon in that category. But, we're fast becoming the least popular people around here. Remember our conversation about ... doing something you know is wrong? I feel like I've gone so far past the point of no return.

[Jack just listens, not really knowing exactly what to say. He's hardly in a position to lecture about what's wrong or right, especially when it had to do with someone's survival. But that was why he was doing this. As long as Stefan fed off him, an immortal man, maybe it could keep others from getting hurt.]

Whadda ya say we get this over with and we can talk when you're not jonesing for a fix?

[ He only laughs bitterly because of how Jack words it. But, he's hungry and clearly terrible at hiding it. So, his eyes go black, veins and all as he leans down and bites Jack's neck. From the door, this looks very intimate.

His journal sits on the ground, still open, recording it all. ]

[ OOC: And thus ends a joint post between Jack and Stefan. Jack's dialogue is bolded. This was broadcast to everyone. It takes place tonight. And replies can come from both of them. Only the first line is written and filtered. Everything else is broadcast. ]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I'm not hurting Jack. This was his idea. Stop seeing what you want to see.

You should stop ignoring the truth. All I see? It what's there.

Maybe you can't hurt Jack. But I'll say the same thing to you I said to him. Addiction just gets stronger the more you feed it. What happens when you're around someone you care about and you can't control it?

[What about -- Elana?]

[ That stops him cold. Addiction. Fix. It was funny in the moment, now not so much. ]

And what do you suggest I do because I'd like to not wither up and mummify.

Look, I sincerely thought of it as one less person attacked. I attacked Lilah and I took responsibility for it. I even apologized to her. The castle took away my ability to drink animal blood.

[He attacked Lilah? It's the first Fred is hearing of that, but if anything? That just proves her point. As for what the castle took away? It's not the first time that Fred's thought is seems to have a way for finding something what would hurt them the most. She'd lost some of her ability to trust Angel.

And maybe that didn't sound like much. But when he'd been the very person to pull her back from what felt like hell? It was a hard thing to let go of]

You could always wish for human blood that was outside a body. It would've been a start, at least. But this, with Jack? All it proves is that this is about more than -- nourishment.

No. It doesn't. It wasn't anything more than that. At first.

At first.

Happy? I'm a junkie. Most of the decisions I made this past month probably stemmed from just that. I don't compel. I have ... a code. An understanding. It's wrong. You hit a nerve and that was why I kept lashing out. So, there you go.

You have a code.

[She doesn't disguise her disbelief. An no, she really isn't happy]

You haven't lashed out at me. You lashed out at Lilah. You lashed out at Wesley. And if you really have that code you're defending yourself with? You'll stop using words and excuses and actually do something about it.

I was Lilah's friend. I got away from myself and told her to run. I saved her. And I'm not!

You saved her. [Lilah is not Fred's friend. She never will be and unlike Stefan? She'll never claim to have been. But she'll never be all right with what happened to her] Did you know what your brother was doing to her?

Yes. I found out then. I looked down and she - there were bite marks. He compelled her. He's done it before. I'm not a fan of that.

You knew, and you didn't put a stop to it. You didn't save her. You didn't do anything.

I found out on the ship. I wasn't happy with him. But, I didn't physically restrain my brother. No.

And what about when you got off the ship?

I was locked in his panic room.

[Fred sighs]

Sooner or later, everything can't be an excuse.

[Fred's made more than her fair share of mistakes. But she's also worked hard to right them]

It's not an excuse. I lost it on the boat. We got back and Damon locked me up for my own good and the good of everyone else in the castle.

It doesn't make me feel the slightest bit better that Damon was supposedly making decisions when it came to public safety.

What Damon did. It was horrible. I don't know why he did it and I'm pretty sure I'm less okay with it then you are. He made the right decision weeks ago. With me. And I'm going to work on ... my problem. But you have to leave Damon alone. Leave him to us. Please. He wants to retaliate but we can stop him. I don't want to hurt anybody.

[Fred sucks a breath. After talking to him, after listening to him pile word on top of word, excuse on top of excuse she's not even sure he'll understand what he's asking of her. That if she keeps back like he asked and then somebody else gets hurt?

She'll never forgive herself.

For a long time there's nothing but silence]

Just this once, do you understand?

[As for Damon, Fred still isn't convinced she's even really on his radar. Lilah, yes. Wesley definitely. And from what Wesley said, possibly Willow and Lana. But if anything she'll be fiercer in their defense than her own]

I do.

[Closing her journal, she'll leave it there]

╬ eleventh bite; the same deep water as you

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

Stefan

Fred

Stefan

Fred

Stefan

Fred

Stefan

Fred

Stefan

Fred

Stefan

Damon

Stefan