paradisalost | - thirty-seventh year waiting -

[dictated]

[alone on a bed in the medbay on Eleven's TARDIS, Rory Williams wakes up from a week-long sleep. He feels extremely disoriented and doesn't really remember collapsing in the castle lobby--there's so many new memories to process this time around, two thousand years' worth and then some--and he's got a pounding headache. But both of these are minor concerns when, upon regaining consciousness, the first thing he realizes is that he has a heartbeat. A pulse. And he's breathing. Not because he can, but because he has to. Which can only mean one thing:

He's gone home. And he's come back human again.

The realization hits him like a sucker punch to the chest and he makes to bolt upright into a sit, grabbing frantically at his right hand to check for the hinge--except his head throbs like it's been hit with a sledgehammer and a wave of nausea crashes over him. He sinks back onto his bed with a groan, squeezing his eyes shut and grimacing in pain. Okay, maybe the headache's not such a minor concern after all.

Swallowing to wet his dry throat, he croaks out:]

Amy? ... Doctor? Wha ...?

((open like an open thing! Rory's back from a trip home and has been canon-bumped up through Series 6, Episode 7: A Good Man Goes To War. He's no longer an Auton (buh-bye plasticness and handy gun in his hand!) and brings with him a metric fuckton of new emotional baggage courtesy of the Doctor and River Song))

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[he sighs softly, taking a step back to give Rory some space.]

Thank you, Rory. [he pauses, running a hand through his hair] You could think of blaming those who took her in the first place.

Oh, I do. I really do.

[there's a vicious bite in his words and in the set of his jaw when he says that, but it almost immediately deflates back to quiet emptiness. He looks at the bottle in his hand and moves to hold it in his lap]

But it's like River said. [miraculously, his voice doesn't crack on 'River'] They never would've taken her in the first place if it hadn't been for you--doing what you do.

[Eleven opens his mouth to argue... but he can't. He looks down, hands clenching into fists as his mind replays River's scolding.]

I never meant for anything to happen like this...

I know--I know. [frustration and helplessness] You don't wake up every morning and go--'How can I ruin their lives today?' I know you did everything you could to save them.

[he doesn't question anymore why the Doctor waited so long to tell them Amy was Flesh--that's an argument they've already had, back home]

It's just--if--maybe if--I'd found the right baby ... [his knuckles are turning white in his lap] I should've known that wasn't Melody. Just like I should have noticed it wasn't really Amy.

[yeah, he's blaming himself too]

Rory... I didn't even know... I should have thought to scan her... I should have [he turns away, pacing the room to try to alleviate some of this nervous energy] I should have done something.

I guess--we just don't think like that. [badly trying to convince the both of them it's not their fault] We don't think about doing that to--to children.

It was bad enough seeing Amy ... but when I went back and Melody had--had--

[he turns his head away so the Doctor won't see him look ill. He will never, ever forget the sight of Amy clutching that empty blanket with a mess all around her knees, and the look on her face]

[Eleven pretends he doesn't see Rory's discomfort... he's fighting his own, anyway.] No... I never thought they would sink that low...

[he sighs] I'm sure Amy blames me... and she should...

((...and will hopefully remain that way...))

[without looking back at the Doctor, Rory shrugs miserably]

I don't know what she thinks of it yet. Not really. She ... she sort of--closed up. [his shoulders slump more] Like she does.

[and then he DOES turn around and look at him, maybe like he's asking him to understand]

I didn't tell her everything.

[Eleven nods. He knows how Amy can be. When he feels Rory looking at him he looks up to meet his eyes]

What haven't you told her?

[Rory swallows. Just talking about this is painful]

I didn't tell her exactly how we--we lost Melody. [that she got liquefied too] And I didn't tell her about River. I'm ... I'm not going to, ever.

[sighs, running a hand through his hair. Normally he'd argue but in this case ignorance may be the for the best.]

What does she know?

[he looks back down at his lap. He can feel that old anger towards the Doctor for keeping the truth about Amy away from him for months--it's churning in his stomach and threatening to rise back up again, helped along by his despair and frustration over his daughter]

That we found her. And that I ... I held Melody. Brought her back. And that we--we lost her again.

[his face pinches severely at that and his breath hitches, like he's trying to fight back a sudden rush of tears]

[Eleven rests a comforting hand on Rory's shoulder.]

I won't tell her, Rory. If she's to be told by anyone I think it should be you. But... in this case I think not knowing is one of the few things we can do for her.

[mightily resists the urge to pull away from that hand--as it is, he still flinches a little. His feelings toward the Doctor right now are still conflicting and complicated]

She'll kill me, you know. [he looks up at the Doctor and there should be his typical flat humor in his eyes, bit there isn't] If she goes back home and finds out. She'll kill me for not telling her about this. You too, probably. Maybe even River.

[shrugs miserably]

But I really think she's better off not knowing.

[sighs, nodding] Yes... she will. Well, she'd kill us. I doubt she'd kill River. Of course, we are all keeping a few secrets from each other, already. [pointed look at Rory. Don't think he doesn't remember that the three of you are keeping the identity of that mysterious letter sender from him] Perhaps reminding her of that fact would help ease her murderous rage.

Of course... that could just make it worse.

[Rory blinks at him innocently, and it's not entirely a misdirection--he's so consumed by his current grief that, for the moment, he's temporarily forgotten about the Doctor's death. Or, rather, pushed it to the back of his mind. He can only deal with so much at once]

Oh, she'll have it out for River. She sort of already does. [his voice is painfully blank and conversational] She told her she was pregnant to begin with, remember. And she knew we couldn't do anything about it here.

[sighing, he suddenly jumps up off his bed, moving across the medbay to the cabinets full of supplies. He opens one and looks at the contents for a short moment before starting to rummage through it]

River told her? Dr. [imitates her voice] "Spoilers"?

- thirty-seventh year waiting -

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

well, now that LJ is no longer being a bitch ...

\o/

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject