http://nurse-boy.livejournal.com/ (
nurse-boy.livejournal.com) wrote in
paradisalost2011-07-12 01:34 am
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Entry tags:
- thirty-seventh year waiting -
[dictated]
[alone on a bed in the medbay on Eleven's TARDIS, Rory Williams wakes up from a week-long sleep. He feels extremely disoriented and doesn't really remember collapsing in the castle lobby--there's so many new memories to process this time around, two thousand years' worth and then some--and he's got a pounding headache. But both of these are minor concerns when, upon regaining consciousness, the first thing he realizes is that he has a heartbeat. A pulse. And he's breathing. Not because he can, but because he has to. Which can only mean one thing:
He's gone home. And he's come back human again.
The realization hits him like a sucker punch to the chest and he makes to bolt upright into a sit, grabbing frantically at his right hand to check for the hinge--except his head throbs like it's been hit with a sledgehammer and a wave of nausea crashes over him. He sinks back onto his bed with a groan, squeezing his eyes shut and grimacing in pain. Okay, maybe the headache's not such a minor concern after all.
Swallowing to wet his dry throat, he croaks out:]
Amy? ... Doctor? Wha ...?
((open like an open thing! Rory's back from a trip home and has been canon-bumped up through Series 6, Episode 7: A Good Man Goes To War. He's no longer an Auton (buh-bye plasticness and handy gun in his hand!) and brings with him a metric fuckton of new emotional baggage courtesy of the Doctor and River Song))
[alone on a bed in the medbay on Eleven's TARDIS, Rory Williams wakes up from a week-long sleep. He feels extremely disoriented and doesn't really remember collapsing in the castle lobby--there's so many new memories to process this time around, two thousand years' worth and then some--and he's got a pounding headache. But both of these are minor concerns when, upon regaining consciousness, the first thing he realizes is that he has a heartbeat. A pulse. And he's breathing. Not because he can, but because he has to. Which can only mean one thing:
He's gone home. And he's come back human again.
The realization hits him like a sucker punch to the chest and he makes to bolt upright into a sit, grabbing frantically at his right hand to check for the hinge--except his head throbs like it's been hit with a sledgehammer and a wave of nausea crashes over him. He sinks back onto his bed with a groan, squeezing his eyes shut and grimacing in pain. Okay, maybe the headache's not such a minor concern after all.
Swallowing to wet his dry throat, he croaks out:]
Amy? ... Doctor? Wha ...?
((open like an open thing! Rory's back from a trip home and has been canon-bumped up through Series 6, Episode 7: A Good Man Goes To War. He's no longer an Auton (buh-bye plasticness and handy gun in his hand!) and brings with him a metric fuckton of new emotional baggage courtesy of the Doctor and River Song))
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He opens his mouth but no sound comes out--and then his jaw works, like he can't decide what to say. What she wants to hear, how much he'll even tell. He wants to keep the worst of it from her but already knows she won't allow it.
Where does he even start? The beginning, when they discovered she'd been taken? Or the end, with the gut-wrenching devastation?]
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I'm sorry--I'm so sorry--[his face is utterly stricken]--I tried, I thought I had her ...
[oh god stop talking, just stop]
But she wasn't ... they ...
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Rory, what are you saying.
holy fuck long tag
You'd--already given birth by the time we found you. They ... they were taking Melody away, trying to escape, but I, um--I stopped them. Got her back. And then ... brought her back to you. [the more he speaks, the more he's slowly falling apart, getting more and more emotional] I thought everything was fine and we were safe and I--I had my girls ...
[his voice cracks and he tries to smile at her then, because 'my girls' is a rib off of her 'my boys', but his smile cracks too]
But they .... oh, god.
[he has to stop and look away, squeezing his eyes shut because tears are pricking at them. After a moment he takes a deep breath and shakes his head. He's a coward after all--he can't look at her for this, terrified he'll see anger and blame in her eyes]
They did the same thing to her that they did to you. They replaced her. It ... it was never her I held at all. [fuck, he's losing it. His face is red and blotchy from keeping the tears back but that isn't going to last for too much longer] And they--she--oh god! ... it was too late. They took her.
he has a lot of feelings
(Part of her wants to punch him for saying it was never their baby that he'd held--does he really think she herself isn't as good as the 'real' Amy, after all?)
This can't be real. It's her worst fears about her situation realized, and then even worse]
Why...
[she manages to say--she doesn't know how--her entire replacement body feels like it's buzzing with white noise]
...why us? Why our baby? Why do they want our baby?
no kidding
And he can see the dawning horror in Amy, in the way her face drains of all color and then goes carefully blank, her body humming with tension. He's killing her, and it's killing him]
Because--because of the Doctor. They want to turn her into a weapon against him. That's what River said. [somehow, he manages to keep his poker face on as far as River is concerned] Kovarian, she, she thinks the Doctor's some great evil fearful--thing--that has to be stopped and she needs our baby to turn into a sodding weapon to do it!
[composure? Gone. His shit, he's losing it]
But I don't know why it had to be her! Why wouldn't anyone else work? Why did it have to be you, and our baby?!
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Why didn't the Doctor fix this? Why didn't he save them both? He fixes everything, he saves everyone! And then Amy thinks, no he doesn't. She lost Rory twice and the Doctor couldn't save him, either time. She hasn't one hundred percent believed in his ability to make everything right ever since Rory dissolved into a pile of dust right in front of her. She can remember standing on the bridge of that crashing starliner, looking at Rory, and thinking: this is it. We're about to die.
If this is what happens, he arrives too late to rescue her baby and they were taken because of him in the first place, she and Rory lose their daughter because of him... she thinks her faith in him has just been shaken to the ground]
You can't... turn a baby into a weapon...
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[he can't keep calm anymore; he twists on the bed to turn away from her, burying his face in his hands for a moment. When he pulls them away, his cheeks are wet]
I'm so sorry ... I thought I had her, and it was over and we were safe--
[Amy's scream is echoing in his ears and all he can see in his mind's eye is the horrific sight of Amy clutching an empty blanket and her trousers and the floor covered in--it was just like when Amy--
An intense wave of nausea hits him and he retches, but tries to cover it up by coughing and hastily swiping at the tears in his eyes]
God I'm so sorry--!
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She is *so* not ready to be a mum, but even though she hasn't lived what Rory has, the strength of the protective, maternal feelings flooding through her make the white noise in her ears buzz even louder. She isn't ready, she hasn't even had this baby, but she loves it and would do anything for it with everything she has. And hearing that their daughter is stolen from them is crushing her]
Rory--tell me--tell me everything.
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He shakes his head again, almost in a panic]
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She draws in a breath--it shocks her, how much it *hurts*--and tries relaxing her grip on the bed. It doesn't work, and she ends up sitting down hard on the very edge of her chair. It's a wonder the thing doesn't fly out from under her]
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Amy, don't--
[her ankle, he's thinking, she's going to fall]
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[he's sliding off the bed after her almost before she hits the floor, ignoring how the sudden movement makes his head throb. Then he's gripping her arms and tugging her toward him as he checks her over]
Amy, Amy, are you okay? I'm sorry!
[he's missed. AGAIN. And it's stupid to equate failing to catch Amy falling out of a chair to failing to notice she was a Flesh copy, or failing to rescue Melody, but he does. He's already beating himself up for it in his mind and struggling not to cry again as his hands flutter nervously at her. Grief and guilt and anger have twisted his perception and turned a simple accident he had no control over into a monumental screw-up]
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Don't--your headache--
[--is the most inconsequential thing in the world right now, but it's something she has control over]
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But you--that was a hard fall--
[this might turn into a battle of wills, or who wants to forget more by distraction]
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You've got a twitch.
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Do I?
[what does it matter if he's got a twitch? They've lost their baby girl and he's just let her take a bad tumble. She should be angry at him, or upset, not touching him like he's important. (Nevermind that at Demon's Run she'd clung to him like he was the last solid thing in the universe.) He pushes up to his knees and makes as if to scoop her up in his arms]
Come on--up you get ...
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And you're all blotchy and--your eyes are red...
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I ... sorry about that. For, um ... for crying.
[sniffs awkwardly and looks askance. Thinking about how he was just crying is making is chin tremble again. Dammit]
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[she replies, not unkindly. She doesn't doesn't think he has to, or NEEDS to, apologize. Not for this. Never for this. She keeps her hand on his cheek]
Is the--the light still hurting you?
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Uh--no, not ... not--I'll be fine, it's not that bad.
[man translation: it hurts like a bitch]
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Let's get you back on the bed, yeah?
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You're the one who fell ...
[but it's a feeble protest, and he's rising back up on his knees and reaching out for her again]
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abusing the fuck out of this icon
well, it's appropriate
I need to make more :/
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