paradisalost | ♟ o28

Entry tags:

♟ o28

[ room filter ]

[ gil hasn't been in his room lately, trying to get out more. fresh air and all that jazz. anything to keep him distracted with recent events and the fact elliot really knocked him around verbally earlier.

he pauses outside his door, feeling something is very wrong. slowly, he turns the knob and pushes the door open quietly and immediately spots a figure in the dark of his room-- in his bed? so, he reaches for his gun and points it at whoever or whatever it is-- flicking the light open at once ]

[ sometime later. or before elliot. OH PARADISA TIME. ]

[ allen ]

Are you available right now?

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[see? there was truth when he said he was more mature than you, Gil ♥.]

You're loyal to a fault, Gilbert. Whatever personal demons you have need to be dealt with by you. Until then, your loyalty and misplaced dedication to something you don't even really understand will be your greatest weakness.

[ he's heard those words before. break, raven... it's frightening to think his faults show so easily. is he really too loyal a person? but why is it so bad? oz's own father betrayed him-- loyalty is important. it's needed. ]

It's not misplaced. [ gives a gentle rap with his knuckle to elliot's head ] I know where I stand.

[there was a slight swat at that but it was more like a wave of the hand since he didn't look up.]

Then where do you stand, Gilbert? Who do you serve? Oz or yourself? You try to be the best that you can but your own selfish needs and wants still are a driving force. What will you do when you're no longer needed? From what I've observed of the kid, he's quite independant. ...if not a bit misplaced as well. The difference is that I think he understands this better.

Even now you can't see beyond your own vision.

[ that struck a chord ]

I've always been Oz's servant! Before the Nightray adopted me-- I was Oz Vessalius' servant! Why should it change? Because the years have gone by? My devotion never wavered!

It's not selfish, it's all for Oz!

IT IS TOO SELFISH, YOU IMBECILE! Why even allow such a thing to happen in the first place, then? If what you say is truly what you believe, then it wasn't for Vincent. Then again it never was, was it? You had nowhere else to go.

DO YOU EVEN HEAR YOURSELF WHEN YOU SPEAK?! "OZ, OZ, OZ! OH WOE IS ME FOR MY BELOVED MASTER IS THIS OR THAT!"

WHAT ABOUT EVERYONE ELSE?! JUST BECAUSE ALL YOU CARE ABOUT IS SERVING HIM AND DEDICATING YOUR LIFE TO THAT, YOU'RE IGNORING AND NEGLECTING EVERYONE ELSE AROUND YOU THAT CARES! YOU DON'T BOTHER TO GIVE THEM VERY MUCH ATTENTION AT ALL! INSTEAD, YOU JUST PUSH THEM AWAY AND ONLY REMEMBER WHEN IT'S CONVENIENT FOR YOU TO DO SO! MEANWHILE THEY'RE FOREVER ON THE OUTSIDE, LOOKING IN!

DO YOU EVEN TRULY CARE?!

[he finally sat back up again and pushed himself to his feet, using the wall to steady an uneasy form.]

YOU NEVER ONCE CARED THAT I'VE BEEN SITTING HERE HURTING THIS WHOLE TIME BECAUSE YOU COULDN'T SEE IT THROUGH YOUR SELFISHNESS!

Leave me alone, Gilbert. I don't want to see you again until you've finally grown up.

[he began to walk off again, refusing to look back or even stop.]

I NEVER NEGLECTED ANYONE ELSE! AND I NEVER DID THESE THINGS TO HURT ANYONE! EVERYONE THAT WAS CLOSE-- BECAUSE OF ME THEY ALL DIED!

[ freezes. no... elliot-- gil never meant-- ]

I never meant any of that-- I-- [ head hurting. head hurting so much. ] I couldn't return home. I can't.

[ grips one side of his head and his knees buckle ]

Elliot--

[ gil doesn't follow. his stomach feels nauseated and his head is paining him. ]

[it's okay, Gil. Elliot understand that such a mind only revolves around Oz. why should he care if Oz is the sun that Gil orbits around and cannot live without? besides. life was about gains and losses. it was fluid; forever changing. and people live and die all the time. some where just closer to you than others.]

[even so, it was still deeply buried wounds that had rose to the surface and mixed with that insecurity and restlessness that only Reo really knew about. sleep had been hard enough to try and find back at home sometimes thanks to the nightmares but it was only intensified in a new, strange place. especially one where he had already gotten into trouble.

...how soon Gil forgets even that. there may not have been physical injuries as a result, but one doesn't tangle with a telepath who can make such a strong-willed and stubborn individual basically back down without suffering some some sort of trauma. why else would he have been wearing someone else's clothes? his had blood on it, after all, and he wasn't going to wear that.

and he had thought that perhaps there had been a chance that Gil had really meant he could go there if he ever needed anything. yet in a time where he needed him most, he was still ostracized.

but it's okay, though, Gil. it really is. Elliot fully understands how he could have so easily forgotten that incident with Babs and how it had truly injured the boy. he wasn't Oz, after all. he wasn't the center of the world but more like Pluto -- the planet that never really was.

he could eventually recover.]

[ gil could hardly believe he never saw it. no wonder vincent went on saying he was a terrible person. he is a terrible person. elliot was the only one who treated gil and his brother as family and he repaid him with abandonment. like he had done with master oscar, miss ada and the vessalius household. he ran from them despite the kindness they had showed them. were they hurt? the same way as elliot?

but oz... oz is important. oz needs him. right? what is a master without his servant or vice-versa? this was gil's second chance. he couldn't screw it up. ]

[see Gil? that's part of what he meant with you had to come to terms with things. running away never solved anything no matter if it was with good intentions or not.

it was probably also a good thing he pretty much knew that Gil wouldn't be coming for him. he didn't want him to see him so weak and vulnerable. the castle would have to be a substitute for him to get provisions from. why should he stop being so independent now, after all, even if family was there. there would never really be that cohesive unity of slight stability. Gil was too much of a flake and Vincent was just insane. besides. Gil was there. that was all Vincent needed.

in the meantime, he'd drag his weary, currently fragile, self to the furthest corner that he could get to without finally running out of that deep reserve he drew from to find the power and will to keep going and fight.]

[it wasn't very fair, was it? despite his anger and disappointment and everything else, Elliot was the one coming back. reaching out, he grabbed Gil's arm at the wrist and gave him a slight tug.]

Come along.

[ elliot just keeps surprising him and he gets tugged. he looks up at elliot with one eye, the other squinting because of his headache ]

[be a man about the headache, Gil. If Elliot can rage trough one, you should be able to handle not thinking through one ♥.]

I'm not going to abandon you just like that. [because i'm not you.]

[ he gets up but is still clearly guilt-ridden ]

Of course.

You need me right now, Gil. I'm not going to make the same mistakes you did.

[he tugs him back down the hall, retracing their steps.]

[ make up your mind you bipolar child. at least gil's headache has subsided. ]

I'm not going to either. Not here.

[NEVER. he's always right, anyway. don't forget that.

...he just figured that he should practice what he preaches every once in a while.]

I'll believe it when I see it.

no subject

1/2

no subject

1/2

no subject

1/2

no subject

1/3

no subject

no subject

1/3

2/3

...3/4

no subject

1/2

no subject

no subject

no subject

surpise second comment! what do you mean it's hours later?

/gets the machete

oh shi- /slenders like the wind!

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject