paradisalost | ♟ o28

Entry tags:

♟ o28

[ room filter ]

[ gil hasn't been in his room lately, trying to get out more. fresh air and all that jazz. anything to keep him distracted with recent events and the fact elliot really knocked him around verbally earlier.

he pauses outside his door, feeling something is very wrong. slowly, he turns the knob and pushes the door open quietly and immediately spots a figure in the dark of his room-- in his bed? so, he reaches for his gun and points it at whoever or whatever it is-- flicking the light open at once ]

[ sometime later. or before elliot. OH PARADISA TIME. ]

[ allen ]

Are you available right now?

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[he had the option of believing him or not. he simply took it with a grain of salt, however, until he could confirm or deny it through interaction with the others that were there.]

I'm liking it here less and less.

[ pulls back from elliot and looks away. ]

This place is mostly trouble.

[there was a small frown for just a moment that belied the true meaning of it. it could have been interpretted as simple dislike for the whole unfortunate situation but it was more of a slight pang of rejection as well since Gil drew away once more.]

That's easy to see.

[ his left hand goes up and grips his necktie ]

I'm sorry.

[there was an angry frown.]

Sorry for what.

[ turn that frown upside-down! ]

Even if that memory is gone-- it still doesn't change your feelings. It's really... it's okay if you hate me.

You haven't really done anything to make me want to even consider disliking you a bit less, you know.

[it was just a small hint that he really didn't totally hate him. even if he wanted to, he couldn't bring himself to actually do so.]

[ he's a little speechless at the moment but gives elliot a very surprised look ]

[don't mind him. he's going to scoot back a bit in order to bend back over again and bury his face against his knees.]

[but he still addressed that surprised look, even if his words were a bit muffled.]

'Hate' is too strong of a word to apply. It's an absolute; a clear-cut black and white term with no middle ground, after all.

[ it seemed elliot had matured after all. gil is taken by surprise but it makes him feel a little better and he smiles to himself ]

[see? there was truth when he said he was more mature than you, Gil ♥.]

You're loyal to a fault, Gilbert. Whatever personal demons you have need to be dealt with by you. Until then, your loyalty and misplaced dedication to something you don't even really understand will be your greatest weakness.

[ he's heard those words before. break, raven... it's frightening to think his faults show so easily. is he really too loyal a person? but why is it so bad? oz's own father betrayed him-- loyalty is important. it's needed. ]

It's not misplaced. [ gives a gentle rap with his knuckle to elliot's head ] I know where I stand.

[there was a slight swat at that but it was more like a wave of the hand since he didn't look up.]

Then where do you stand, Gilbert? Who do you serve? Oz or yourself? You try to be the best that you can but your own selfish needs and wants still are a driving force. What will you do when you're no longer needed? From what I've observed of the kid, he's quite independant. ...if not a bit misplaced as well. The difference is that I think he understands this better.

Even now you can't see beyond your own vision.

[ that struck a chord ]

I've always been Oz's servant! Before the Nightray adopted me-- I was Oz Vessalius' servant! Why should it change? Because the years have gone by? My devotion never wavered!

It's not selfish, it's all for Oz!

IT IS TOO SELFISH, YOU IMBECILE! Why even allow such a thing to happen in the first place, then? If what you say is truly what you believe, then it wasn't for Vincent. Then again it never was, was it? You had nowhere else to go.

DO YOU EVEN HEAR YOURSELF WHEN YOU SPEAK?! "OZ, OZ, OZ! OH WOE IS ME FOR MY BELOVED MASTER IS THIS OR THAT!"

WHAT ABOUT EVERYONE ELSE?! JUST BECAUSE ALL YOU CARE ABOUT IS SERVING HIM AND DEDICATING YOUR LIFE TO THAT, YOU'RE IGNORING AND NEGLECTING EVERYONE ELSE AROUND YOU THAT CARES! YOU DON'T BOTHER TO GIVE THEM VERY MUCH ATTENTION AT ALL! INSTEAD, YOU JUST PUSH THEM AWAY AND ONLY REMEMBER WHEN IT'S CONVENIENT FOR YOU TO DO SO! MEANWHILE THEY'RE FOREVER ON THE OUTSIDE, LOOKING IN!

DO YOU EVEN TRULY CARE?!

[he finally sat back up again and pushed himself to his feet, using the wall to steady an uneasy form.]

YOU NEVER ONCE CARED THAT I'VE BEEN SITTING HERE HURTING THIS WHOLE TIME BECAUSE YOU COULDN'T SEE IT THROUGH YOUR SELFISHNESS!

Leave me alone, Gilbert. I don't want to see you again until you've finally grown up.

[he began to walk off again, refusing to look back or even stop.]

I NEVER NEGLECTED ANYONE ELSE! AND I NEVER DID THESE THINGS TO HURT ANYONE! EVERYONE THAT WAS CLOSE-- BECAUSE OF ME THEY ALL DIED!

[ freezes. no... elliot-- gil never meant-- ]

I never meant any of that-- I-- [ head hurting. head hurting so much. ] I couldn't return home. I can't.

[ grips one side of his head and his knees buckle ]

Elliot--

[ gil doesn't follow. his stomach feels nauseated and his head is paining him. ]

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