Sam Winchester (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
imnot_likeyou) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
paradisalost2009-06-02 11:07 pm
imnot_likeyou) wrote in paradisalost2009-06-02 11:07 pm
Entry tags:
+19
[Private]
[After Ruby leaves, Sam's quiet for a long time before he actually starts speaking -- even though it's private and he knows it, he's still processing exactly what he wants to say very carefully]
In the end, it's all on me.
I guess that kind of rules out the chances of things getting better for me and Dean. Either he doesn't stop me, and the angels kill me, or he does stop me and -- I guess he kills me. Probably should have saw that one coming. Everyone was always trying to get Dean to kill me -- hell, even Dad said he'd have to do it eventually. I guess if I have to go, I'd rather it be Dean than the angels or something worse. I just hope that he manages to get to me in time, or else --
I won't stop. I know I won't. I want Lilith dead far too badly at this point to go anywhere but all the way, and after the things I've done, the things I've been doing, I've got nothing left to lose. Dean's bound to figure out what I'm doing back home anyway, and when he does -- [a heavy sigh] -- all I'm going to have is this damn revenge kick. And Ruby, of course. [that's a bit bitter]
[this is faster and less planned more a rush of emotion] Why did she have to open her fucking mouth? Why did she have to go and tell me all this? Now I just have to do what? Sit and wait for the castle to send me, or Dean or Cas home to find out whether or not I set Lucifer free and ended the world. This is really fantastic -- it could be months before something happens or it could be days, I don't know. Or? It could not let me go home all the way, and I have to come back wondering did I or didn't I. And even if I do go home -- what Ruby says here doesn't apply. I won't remember, and I won't be able to change anything. Back home, I'm still the moron that she's dragging around by the balls.
[a bit of a groan, burying his face in his hands] Dean was right. Dean was right all along, and I didn't listen -- I'm still not even sure why I didn't. I guess it was just because she always seemed to say exactly what I needed to hear. Either that, or any reference to me being the smart one was a load of bullshit. Either way -- I have to live with her being here.
[a beat]
It's kind of sad that I still need her enough that I can't even get angry enough to kill her.
[/private]
[Dean]
[written, because he really doesn't trust himself with speaking anymore]
You were right. I'm sorry.
[/Dean]
[After Ruby leaves, Sam's quiet for a long time before he actually starts speaking -- even though it's private and he knows it, he's still processing exactly what he wants to say very carefully]
In the end, it's all on me.
I guess that kind of rules out the chances of things getting better for me and Dean. Either he doesn't stop me, and the angels kill me, or he does stop me and -- I guess he kills me. Probably should have saw that one coming. Everyone was always trying to get Dean to kill me -- hell, even Dad said he'd have to do it eventually. I guess if I have to go, I'd rather it be Dean than the angels or something worse. I just hope that he manages to get to me in time, or else --
I won't stop. I know I won't. I want Lilith dead far too badly at this point to go anywhere but all the way, and after the things I've done, the things I've been doing, I've got nothing left to lose. Dean's bound to figure out what I'm doing back home anyway, and when he does -- [a heavy sigh] -- all I'm going to have is this damn revenge kick. And Ruby, of course. [that's a bit bitter]
[this is faster and less planned more a rush of emotion] Why did she have to open her fucking mouth? Why did she have to go and tell me all this? Now I just have to do what? Sit and wait for the castle to send me, or Dean or Cas home to find out whether or not I set Lucifer free and ended the world. This is really fantastic -- it could be months before something happens or it could be days, I don't know. Or? It could not let me go home all the way, and I have to come back wondering did I or didn't I. And even if I do go home -- what Ruby says here doesn't apply. I won't remember, and I won't be able to change anything. Back home, I'm still the moron that she's dragging around by the balls.
[a bit of a groan, burying his face in his hands] Dean was right. Dean was right all along, and I didn't listen -- I'm still not even sure why I didn't. I guess it was just because she always seemed to say exactly what I needed to hear. Either that, or any reference to me being the smart one was a load of bullshit. Either way -- I have to live with her being here.
[a beat]
It's kind of sad that I still need her enough that I can't even get angry enough to kill her.
[/private]
[Dean]
[written, because he really doesn't trust himself with speaking anymore]
You were right. I'm sorry.
[/Dean]
Sam
Sam?
Dean
About Ruby. She was using me the whole time.
Sam
Dean
Yeah, I'm here.
Sam
Please tell me this is just a lying bitch ego-trip. Or a loss. [he stops by Sam, and his voice quiets a bit] What do you know, and how do you know it, Sammy?
Dean
Ruby came to me tonight. She said that she couldn't keep lying to me anymore, and that she needed to come clean about what's going on back home. Apparently, she was working for Lilith the whole time, and Lilith's death is the last seal.
Sam
... And she's been coachin' you all this time to kill her...
Dean
Yeah. She has.