paradisalost | (no subject)

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lady marian

(no subject)

[Private]

Perhaps I am being a bit over reactive...but he should not have...If he's gone though...I'll never forgive myself.

[/Private]

[Robin]

[tapping her fingernails, since she's stayed in her room all day she's now worried that maybe he did leave her. She can't fully hide her worry, but she tries to keep her voice steady and frustrated.]

Robin..?

[/Robin]

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[after. . . smashing a few things and tossing a chair over, he's back ^^ his voice is rather cold and sharp]

You know full well I regret going to the Holy War and losing you for it more than any other decision I have ever made.

[catches herself since she's trying not pretend she was not just sobbing her heart out.]

I know

I am not going to apologize once again for making a joking remark about your virginity. One sorry for hurting your feelings or embarrassing you is enough. The fact that I've done so twice is more than enough. You can either continue to hold on to your grudge over it and not speak to me or you can let it go. That is entirely up to you and I hold no part in it anymore.

But you have not once apologized without arguing with me. You acted like you had nothing to apologize for! That's what bothers me about it.

I'd like an apology that does not treat me like I have no reason to be upset.

I wasn't finished. I was just getting the first statement out of the way. I want to make sure we're clear that that disagreement is now over. Are we?

[She's debating on being pissed that he's being controlling or letting it go, so between gritted teeth]

Go...on then.

As far as I'm concerned, that small tiff is hardly the most harmful thing I did. I let my temper get away with me and for that, I am still willing to apologize for. I know I have a tendency to go over the top when I'm angry, to lash out and hurt others when I feel threatened or defensive. I know that I have been just as stubborn as you about letting this go and I'm sorry that I didn't just let you calm down when I should.

What I said about leaving you and about Guy being a better match for you was out of line. It was harsh and I've always tried my best to not be that harsh with you. I have behaved like that with the people I'm closed to before - with Much, mainly - and I have always torn myself up for what's been said afterwards. It was wrong - and it was hurtful. And I'm not sure I can express how sorry I am for it.

But I want you to know that I was hurt that you were letting an argument I'd already said I was sorry for get between us to the point where you wouldn't even sleep beside me. Having you beside me is a comfort - it soothes me in a way that nothing else can. When I'm next to you, I don't dream of Acre. I don't dream of you almost dying. It's like my nightmares are completely incapable of reaching me as long as I'm holding you. To have that taken away because of a joke was hard and. . . Again, I lashed out without thinking.

I can't promise it won't happen again if we fight and I can't promise to keep my temper better in check as I know if I haven't gotten a hold on it in 20 odd years, I probably won't any time soon. But that doesn't make it right. Because of this, you have every reason to be upset with me, as much as I wish you were not. You shouldn't forgive me for saying what I did, but I . . . hope you will.

I love you, Marian. More than anything. . . .And I'd still like to marry if you if you're willing after all this.

[She's totally blown away by all of this. Since she really did not have any idea how sleeping next to her meant that much to him, or anything really. She swallows and her crying starts again, but it's different now. Now she just feels like a fool.]

I...hold on

[Closes the book]

[Sighs and assumes he upset her somehow and she has to calm down. Just closes his own journal and shoves it away, putting his head in his hands and sighing.]

[Not a few minutes later there is a knock on his door and waiting outside is a rather teary eyed Marian looking like she hasn't stopped crying since last night.]

[He gets up, opening the door to stare at her with his. . . typical guilty expression. He looks down at his feet after a moment, biting his lip a bit and not saying anything.]

I'm sorry too.

[She looks up at him hopefully, wanting to get closer to him, she takes a step closer, timidly reaching out to take his hand.]

[He watches her take his hand for a moment before pulling it away. He then pulls her into his arms, hugging her tightly to him. He wants that more than some hand holding session.]

[So does she, and she clings to him, starting to softly cry all over again.]

[He kisses the top of her head gently, rubbing her back in comfort.]

[After a long while, she begins to calm down.]

I didn't sleep well last night.

Perhaps I'd sleep better in here.

[He nods gently]

You might.

[She takes his hand again, and leads him into the room, closing the door behind them.]

Forgive me. I can be too stubborn. I shouldn't have gotten so uptight. Especially...[She thinks about some of the things people had said.] when being intimate with you is nothing to be ashamed of.

[squeezes his hand]

It's even...something I'm proud of.

[He pulls her over to the bed quietly, before kicking off his boots and pulling off his hoodie and shirt to toss to the side]

I think we've both done enough apologizing by now.

[She looks at him, undoing her robe and letting it fall to the ground.]

But have we done enough making up?

[Nibbles at her lip a bit.]

[He's quite for a minute before smirking, crawling into bed and pulling the covers back for her.]

I don't think we have.

[She crawls into bed, under the covers and leans forward. She turns around and blows out the candle]

Then we should. Make up.

[She curls up against him, and goes into kiss him, deeply passionately. She really does suck at the virginal thing.]

[He returned the kiss, wrapping his arms around her tightly and pulling her close. After a moment, he pulls back, nuzzling her face gently.]

I do love you.

[She does the same]

And I love you. And I will marry you. I think I've been destined to marry you.

[He smiles softly, nodding and leaning down to kiss her. When he pulls back, he tucks some her hair behind her ear, before rolling over to pull the curtains of his bed closed. Hurhurhur.]

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