paradisalost | [018] the time to hesitate is through

[Private ~ hand written]

I've been trying to get a grip on everything that's changing around here, and I wasn't exactly expecting to find that Meredith was going to show up. I haven't even talked to her. I heard that Claire went to find her, which is good. I hope. I haven't spoken to her in so long I'm not even sure if she's even safe back home. I was so wrapped up in stopping Adam, in saving Peter...I guess I lost sight of the rest of it. Now I'm here and I can't even talk to my brother without wondering what else he's done here that I don't even believe he'd have done back home.

He was with Adam. Not just at his side, helping move his agenda... but with him, and I can forgive the type of relationship. I'm not that callous, but he put Adam above his family, and even that I can't even understand. Then it seems it wasn't even important enough after all because he's now trying to figure things out with that Jenny girl... who apparently is with someone else now. She seems so young, younger than Claire when she writes and speaks, I just hope her fathers are looking out for her if she is that young.

I guess this place changes perspectives, it makes you think about the things you didn't have time to think about before. I've been thinking a lot about Heidi to be honest. She was important to me, but I don't think she was the one for me. Dad [hesitation marks] He picked her out and told me she was the one to marry, and at the time I was looking to do what he wanted, to please him and that's the girl I married. Now I'm here and I know if I go back I'll be signing divorce papers. I haven't gone back though. I haven't -- [more hesitation]

I haven't done anything here. I keep thinking maybe I'll wake up at home, but I don't and I haven't done anything here that I should.

[/end private] [/end written as he stands up]

[sound of him getting up ~ not actually closing the journal all the way since there's a pen wedged in so have some muffled sounds of walking across the hall and a door being knocked on]

Inara?

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[has not yet read about Mal's arrival and is instead reading a book of poetry she found laying around. She glances up at the knock, smiles at the voice as she smooths her nightdress and robe and sweeps across the room to open the door]

Nathan. [bright pretty smile] What a pleasant surprise. Would you like to come in?

[he's not even sure why he's been hesitant before, because looking at her, she's radiant. It shouldn't matter who else arrives... Meredith, Heidi, his father could disapprove and he wouldn't care]

I would thank you. [which is pretty much the only warning she's gonna get as he takes those steps and in what he feels is pretty much a confident move his hand sweeps along her jawline cradling her features as he tips her head up as he leans in a bit and kisses her. Finally. Fully.]

[And that is...very, very surprising. And very, very, very nice. Really, Inara was starting to think that she'd lost her wiles without realizing it. Her eyes widen just a little before closing, head tipping slightly to the side to mold her lips to his, one hand drifting up to rest against his chest. She kisses him back warmly, letting him take the lead but definitely participating and quite eagerly at that.]

[Inara hadn't lost anything, Nathan had been noticing her since that first outing to be honest, and the brief kiss in New York wasn't an accident by any means at all. He was just confused as to how real this place was, and how long he was going to be there... and now that he's assuming he's going to be there for a while? Well spending his time with a woman like this wouldn't be a problem at all. Because this is very nice indeed, and his hand moves lightly from against her jaw to into her hair which he's always loved by the way as the kiss continues and door is still open but he's not going to exactly care at the moment]

[Yeah, everyone seems to like the hair, she's noticed that pretty much her whole life...oh, what's that, the door's open? Yeah she doesn't realize or care either. She's just going to move in and lay her other hand on his chest run her fingers through his hair because it's a bit awesome and nice and touchable as well]

[He'll admit he's more taken by her eyes but the hair is nice, as are other aspects of her but he's been drawn to the eyes, said some nice things about her eyes, felt pretty much speechless when she does that lost look when she's upset because he wants to fix it for her... and hey the hands in his hair is nice as well, as is the warmth of her touch against his chest, it's been a while for him and he's going to enjoy every moment of this, but he'll pull back now for a quick moment pressing his forehead to hers lightly as he exhales and smiles]

I'm really glad I did that.

[she has appreciated those sweet compliments, she really has. Have a very pleased little smile]

That's wonderful to hear...as I found it so very pleasant an event, I would hate for you to regret it. [yes, she's teasing]

[he lifts his head and smirks at her narrowing his eyes at her since he can tell she's teasing and really it's good to have a light conversation like this, not that talking with Inara is ever anything too heavy, but everything here just seems so life and death sometimes, and he's glad for some smiling and well some kissing]

No regrets from me.

[steals another quick kiss and hey let's shut the door which he does before returning to her where he runs his hand through his own hair for a moment and takes a deep breath]

Aside from, the kiss in New York... it's been a while since I've had that much of a heart rate increase. Not even flying does that for me.

[door shutting is probably a good idea. And look at him being all adorable and nervous and sweet. Oh, she needed this. Really. She's still got it, that's good to know, she was starting to wonder]

I'll take that as a very...very large compliment.

[smiles and touches his cheek]

Would you like to sit down?

[there might be a slight lean into the touch at his cheek, nothing too much just a good to have that sort of contact lean and then he nods to both the her taking it as a compliment and the taking a seat]

I'd like that. [to which of course he takes a seat wherever is closest/easiest]

[which would be the divan couch thing that she's so very fond of, which is just wide of enough for her to sit right next to him, look at that! Companions win at ideal romanticy furniture choosing]

I'm curious as to what...well. Not that I mind at all, nor am I complaining. [have a coy and pleased little smile] But as to what brought this on so sudden and unexpectedly.

[he smiles at her as he settles beside her]

It's a fair question, and I think I realized I just need to stop wondering if I'm going to end up going back home, and start realizing that I'm actually here and I shouldn't forget those that are here with me.

[nods a little and smiles in understanding]

And why not make the best of the time we have here?

[a smile to match hers and a nod as well]

That's pretty much the mindset I had. [takes her hand into his] I've enjoyed the time we spend together, and I'm glad for your company. I care for you a lot, and I know we don't know everything about each other, but I'd like to know what I can, I'd like to spend what time I can with you.

[018] the time to hesitate is through

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