paradisalost

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kratos aurion

19;

[Private]

My son... my brave and wonderful son...

Am I dreaming? Am I selfish? Will losing him a third time, as is inevitable, be any easier?

... No, I don't think so.

It is only natural to deny what one is seeing. It is only natural to long for what one cannot have. And loss... does not get any easier, but surviving teaches us that we must move on in small ways. We cannot change the past. Surviving, however, did not teach me that we could still change the future... That is something Lloyd had to lecture me on.

Since coming here, at least, I've made the effort to live here as if given a second chance. [a pause] But there are some things that second chances do not give back. Second chances don't replace the thirteen years of his childhood that I missed... Second chances won't bring her back for good... Second chances won't allow me to return to Aselia and live as one of them ever again.

Will all of this amount to nothing? Or does coming here represent, in some small way, atonement for my hurried and contradictory decisions?

Lloyd should not be here. He should take the Chosen back to Aselia where he can properly resume the restoration of the world. [tap tap tap] This castle should not have peered into my darkest, most tempting secrets and pulled him here. The heart is a selfish thing at times, and I wonder often why I still have one and why it still bothers beating every once in a while...

But there is nothing any of us can do, so I should take this chance to protect him, to... to love and guide him as a father should. I am his only father right now. Things have not been like this since he was young... (I felt young then too, as if I were human and invincible at once, as if nothing could touch me, though the uncertainty of how we lived haunted every waking moment...)

Am I even capable of being a good f [A huge inkblot forms after that, to the point where Kratos makes a noise of light surprise. The following is dictated:]

As usual, Fate's sense of humor is both twisted and impeccable.

-----

[Yuan]

[There is an inky fingerprint in the margin!] ... Is everything all right?

-----

[Lloyd]

[long, awwwwwwwwwwwwkward silence, as he is very good at these]

Have you settled in yet?

-----

[There are a few stray inkblots scattered across the page, the last dying breaths of Kratos' pen.] ... Humph. My drafts of a map are ruined.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Pretty much. I got lost a couple times, and it took me a while to figure out how a lot of this stuff works, but I think I've got most of it now.

Is that all? [He doesn't know about Vergil, unfortunately.]

Well-- [He hesitates.] I... figured out what I lost.

[... OH SHIT.]

Was it... the locket?

... No! No, I've still got that. [... but he checks again, just to make sure.]

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[Kratos;]

[Lelouch;]

[Kratos;]

[Lelouch;]

[Kratos;]