paradisalost | † 018

Why Abel has to be like this, so innocently cruel? Placing me on an undeserving pedestal like the old times and showering me with compliments? Why didn't he lose the memory of me instead of Sister Esther? The pain of losing him twice would be easier to bear if I were pretend I am completely hopeless. Why does he have to be kind and, with each smile and every stolen glance, give me a taste of hope that I should have lost since I took the Orden black robes?

There isn't any reason why I should continue to revel in this filthy emotion. Since the Vatican Domains fall, I'm already dead and only buying time on Earth to finish what I started: To atone for my sins and avenge my loved ones.

He held my umbrella and escorted me under the sun...

Caritas patiens est benigna est caritas non aemulatur non agit perperam non inflatur.

I have never loved him. This feeling that has haunted me for years is dark and foul. Love can't be like this. ~~Why does my knees feel weak when he talks at me and my heart flutters when he flatters? Why do I ache so badly?~~ {illegible after strikes;} Love can't make me despicable and I was a bad woman because I gave in that jealousy.

Oh, Alec, O Lord In Heavens. Lend me your strength and do not let me fall in temptation again. For my determination will not falter. I would finish this and destroy the enemy of the world as a testament of my love to all of them. Nothing else matters. I have no future to look forward but my own grave.

Amen.

We haven't finished our conversation, Sister Esther.

Thank you for this afternoon. It was like the old times when I was young. Like then, you were fast asleep. For shame, Abel, does nothing keep your attention span?

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

A roast beef sandwich with gruyere might. But Caterina, honestly, you don't have to thank me for spending time with you. It was my pleasure and you know it.

I just can't help nosing in on your time, now that you're not always surrounded by personnel.

Something that does not disappear from fight after three minutes. You do always forget how to chew your food properly.

I don't complain. I enjoy your company ~~as much it pains me to have you close~~.

Oh, who do I have to impress with my manners, anyway, besides you and maybe the professor?

I enjoy your company as well, doubly so now that I can manage to spend more than a week in the same country as you, Caterina.

What of all those young girls who flock around you. Or haven't you noticed how popular you are? Set an example to your many admirers.

You are never alone, at least. I would be surprised if you were thinking in return soon. Roma could be dull.

An example, Caterina? I'm not some Mother Superior. Maybe they like me because don't have manners?

A man like me needs to have something to return to, Caterina, for his own sake. Of course I sometimes wish I could return. I have responsibilities.

Sister Esther, for example. Even if you only met her very recently.

And it never crossed your mind to stay somewhere else? Not at the present but in a future when the Orden is destroyed. Like Albion or the Empire?

And if she had a problem with my manners, I'm sure she'd let it be known very quickly. She lets all of her problems with me be known quickly.

I couldn't let myself stay for long in either of those places. I've got my reasons, Caterina.

{this isn't going anywhere, orz... Tries another approach;}

And where would you stay if you could not return to Roma? In an hypothetical event, Abel.

They've always accepted me before, I don't see why that wouldn't continue to be so. But fine, if it's hypotheticals you're asking for, Caterina, I'll bite.

I wouldn't stay in the Empire. That would be unfair of me on many levels and, frankly, I don't deserve that kind of...I don't know.

It's too rich a life for a man like me.

These are dangerous times. Who knows what would my brother do in the short future or if something were to happen to me and our communication is cut. In the last case, where would you go? How can I locate you?

You're always so shrewd, worrying about business as usual even here. If that's the case, I should be looking for you, shouldn't I? Not traipsing around the countryside. If Francesco digs too deep, you've mentioned it before. Your plans and yourself have everything to lose, Caterina. I've got nothing in the world to lose, right?

I suppose I would suppose I'd go to Albion. I've got some unfinished business there, I know my way around.

And admittedly, I miss the food.

~~Not shrewd enough for my pride did not give me the enough foresight to plan this in the past.~~

Don't say this, Abel. If something were to happen to me and my plans go awry, there are still other people like Father Tres, Sister Kate or the Professor. Even Sister Esther would be there for you.

Albion? If I escape alive of this hypothetical danger, I would be in Milano in the beginning, then take my leave to the Germanicus Kingdom.

I don't doubt that, Caterina. But would Sister Esther even be around when we left? Will I remember a word of what you told me?

Maybe we concern ourselves too much with hypotheticals.

We don't know until we leave and we need to concern ourselves. This could be important. To continue: In the scenario I am stripped from my position, like Francesco has tried one and one again, or in the scenario I perish... What would you do?

† 018

Caterina;

Abel;

Caterina;

Abel;

Caterina;

Abel;

Caterina;

Abel;

Caterina;

Abel;

Caterina;

1/2 Abel;

Abel;

Caterina;

Abel;