http://hotrod-mckay.livejournal.com/ ([identity profile] hotrod-mckay.livejournal.com) wrote in [community profile] paradisalost2007-12-20 10:50 pm
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005 - Science Vs. Christmas

Since it is the season to be jolly and all that related nonsense, I've taken the time to compile a scientific approach to the most wonderful part of Christmas. Santa Claus. Here you go.

There are approximately two billion children (persons under 18) in the world. However, since Santa does not usually visit children of Muslim, Hindu, Jewish or Buddhist religions, this reduces the workload for Christmas night to 15% of the total, or 378 million (according to the population reference bureau). At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that comes to 108 million homes presuming there is at least one good child in each.

Santa has about 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 967.7 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with a good child, Santa has around 1/1000th of a second to park the sleigh, hop out, jump down the chimney, fill the stocking, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left for him, get back up the chimney, jump into the sleigh and get onto the next house.

Assuming that each of these 108 million stops is evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false, but will accept for the purposes of our calculations), we are now talking about 0.78 miles per household -a total trip of 75.5 million miles, not counting bathroom stops or breaks. This means Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second--3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man made vehicle, the Ulysses space probe, and moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second, and a conventional reindeer can run (at best) 15 miles per hour.

The payload of the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium sized LEGO set (two pounds), the sleigh is carrying over 500 thousand tons, not counting Santa himself. On land, a conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that the "flying" reindeer can pull 10 times the normal amount, the job can't be done with eight or even nine of them---Santa would need 360,000 of them. This increases the payload, not counting the weight of the sleigh, another 54,000 tons, or roughly seven times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth (the ship, not the monarch).

600,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance - this would heat up the reindeer in the same fashion as a spacecraft reentering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer would adsorb 14.3 quintillion joules of energy per second each. In short, they would burst into flames almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them and creating deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team would be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second, or right about the time Santa reached the fifth house on his trip. Not that it matters, however, since Santa, as a result of accelerating from a dead stop to 650 m.p.s. in .001 seconds, would be subjected to acceleration forces of 17,000 g's. A 250 pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of the sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force, instantly crushing his bones and organs and reducing him to a quivering blob of pink goo.

Therefore, if Santa did exist, he's dead now.

Merry Christmas Kids.

[ooc: This is McKay at his least holly jolly, and trust me, he'll be getting more and more. For now, I couldn't resist the chance to post this as him.]

[identity profile] avidawaker.livejournal.com 2007-12-21 07:05 am (UTC)(link)
...Wow.

Merry Christmas to you, too.

(OoC: You, sir, are made of win.)

[identity profile] d-sire.livejournal.com 2007-12-21 07:09 am (UTC)(link)
Do you do children's parties as well?

[identity profile] menomosso.livejournal.com 2007-12-21 07:10 am (UTC)(link)
...Impressive.

I never realized that there were so many people in existence, let alone alive all at the same time.

[identity profile] menomosso.livejournal.com 2007-12-21 07:18 am (UTC)(link)
I'm from Spira. Considering how many people must die at the same time within the population amounts that you listed, Spira would have been overrun by Unsent and fiends within weeks if it had so many people living in it.

[identity profile] menomosso.livejournal.com 2007-12-21 08:39 am (UTC)(link)
Ah. Perhaps, compared to Earth.

[identity profile] dirtyrottenliar.livejournal.com 2007-12-21 07:17 am (UTC)(link)
Too long, didn't read.

[identity profile] ripplingophelia.livejournal.com 2007-12-21 02:03 pm (UTC)(link)
Maybe there are lots of Santas.

[identity profile] ripplingophelia.livejournal.com 2007-12-21 07:40 pm (UTC)(link)
It addresses all portions of the problem. If there are lots, they share the work and it's possible for them to do it.

I think you're the dumb one.

1/2

[identity profile] bestwatchever.livejournal.com 2007-12-21 05:35 pm (UTC)(link)

[identity profile] bestwatchever.livejournal.com 2007-12-21 05:36 pm (UTC)(link)
Dude. And yet somehow, I pulled it off as Stinkfly.

[identity profile] purple-bo.livejournal.com 2007-12-21 06:00 pm (UTC)(link)
[laughter and applause]

You know, I told my brothers that one year, and you know what Mikey told me? "Magic, dude!"