Fifty six

[notsomuchakitty.livejournal.com]

They don't understand. It's not that he bit someone. Even isn't even angry with him.....It's that...

They think I hate him. How could they....How can they THINK that?! How can they not understand?! I could never hate him. I love him. I'll always love him...for the rest of my life. But he betrayed me. He broke my trust. Out of the hundreds of people in this castle he bit someone who was off limits. He knew Even was off limits and not only that but he knew he was infectious again. He KNEW these things.

FUCK! I'M an animal. I'M the monster not Murphy! He's ...he's....not. Maybe he thinks he is but he's not.

But that's not why I left. I'm hurt and I'm angry but.......it's just not worth it anymore....trying to find someone to share it all with. It's just not worth this. ...It's not just me who's getting hurt anymore... and that's just not acceptable.

It's just so frustrating that they don't get it. I see them talking about it.... they just don't understand but....He seems to get it. He seems to know. I suppose that's all that matters. I hate that I'm hurting him so much... but fuck..FUCK he hurt me too and the line has to be drawn somewhere!

[a long pause]

But sweet goddess...I'm already so lonely. [small laugh] I'm so pathetic.