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Who: Felix Harrowgate
What: His dream
When: Christmas Eve, after his dreamhopping
Where: The land of dreams
Rating: NC-17

The room is dark except for the light of the fire blazing within the grand fireplace across the room, casting an eerie, warm glow over the rich furniture, catching here and there in bits of gold. The sense of recognition is immediate and dizzying, for Felix is in his apartment in the Mirador again.

:Felix: said an all-to-familiar in his head, and Felix whirled around to face find its source.

“Gideon--?!” his voice squeaked with surprise.

Nonplussed, Gideon nodded, as if expecting this reaction.

Felix stepped forward, longing to rush forward but also afraid. “What are you doing here?

A wry smile plays over the older man’s lips. :I know you’re lost without me, Felix: his mental voice is lightly teasing but also sad, :and I should be mad at you…am still mad at you, but…I can’t stand to see you treat yourself this way:

Felix blinked, knowing suddenly in the way of dreams that this is what could have been had events not unfolded as they did. Had he not descended completely into the darkness that had nearly destroyed him and resulted, ultimately, in this man’s death. But Gideon was here, and forgiving him. And though it wasn’t true, never would be true, he wanted it enough to accept it.

“Gideon…I’m sorry.” There. The words he could never say and that weren’t enough.

That wry smile was still in place. :I know. I want to come back. But things have to change, Felix…:

“Yes…yes…anything…”

He is rushing forward now, taking Gideon in his arms, and the other man returns the embrace, brushing a hand over his face.

:Come to bed with me, Felix:

The firelight glowed light amber in Gideon’s dark brown hair, his somber eyes like warm honey. In many ways the man was physically unremarkable, but right now, to Felix, he was beautiful.

In answer, he bent forward to claim a kiss, his tongue invading the cavern of Gideon’s mouth.

It was his lover that pulled them towards the bedroom, calm in all the ways that he wasn’t.

It could have been that the dream shifted, though more likely Felix lost himself in a blur of desire as they shed clothing like trees in fall, falling finally into the massive four-poster bed. Felix worshiped the body under him in every way he knew, lips and fingers roaming all over the soft skin, drawing out a soft sigh or gasp wherever he could. Rendered mute years ago, Gideon had been always reticent about vocalizing at all, so that any sound that escaped from his lips was like a drug to Felix. He swallowed Gideon all at once, plying his considerable experience in this area until his lover was fairly writhing, too far gone to manage his telepathic speech. Felix’s clever fingers stroked down thighs, stroking gently across the spot he most desired. Gideon arched, and he drew back, his tongue joining the work of his fingers while his hand wrapped around the heated flesh. The invasion of his tongue was what drove the other man over the edge, a sharp, almost animalistic sound clawing its way out of his throat as he cried out at last.

He crawled back and smiled down at other man, whose eyes were bleary with pleasure. They kiss for a few long moments, until Gideon gently pushed Felix backwards.

:Let me: Gideon said at last, his hands roaming over Felix’s pale skin, palms pressed flat as they traveled from chest to the angle of his hips.

Felix couldn’t help but gape helplessly as Gideon bent to return the favor. Never…never…in all the two years they’d been together had Gideon done this, too ashamed by his disfigurement to give it, and Felix – though he’d imagined it countless times – had never asked him more than once.

Gideon was hesitant but steady in his movements, lips soft against him; the sensation both amazing and strange without the wetness of a tongue to add to it. Felix was content to ride this wave of pleasure and astonishment, but it wasn’t long before he needed more. He ran a hand over Gideon’s hair, encouraging him upward.

His lover smiled shyly, but even without having said it, he seemed to know what Felix wanted. And this too was different, because this time instead of reluctant surrender, it was simply want as Gideon moved back up, reaching for a bottle that somehow had and hadn’t been there all along, and placed it in Felix’s hand.

Felix tried not to tremble as he took what he needed and slid fingers down to prep his lover. He knew he was being perhaps a little hasty, but the ache was too intense, and not all of it was physical. He missed Gideon terribly, wanted to be with him, in him, simply around him again, and his lover didn’t complain. He wriggled against those fingers, grasping Felix’s shoulder desperately and kissing him.

At last he got Gideon where he wanted him. He hovered a moment, watching, then pressed in, agonizingly slow, until he was buried all the way, a sheen of sweat on his brow like stars.

This was home. He missed this. Missed Gideon. How could he have ruined this?

Gideon gasped loudly, squeezing Felix with his thighs, and Felix took this as a signal to move. He didn’t take his pleasure, but gave it to both of them. He was lost in this, every thrust, every cry, every shift of their bodies, so that he forgot entirely this was a dream. There was only their heightening ecstasy, until at last he stiffened, whimpering, as he found climax at last, and, surprisingly, Gideon along with him.

He curled around Gideon’s smaller frame as they both rode out the aftermath, hands linked like an afterthought against the rise and fall of his chest.

“I’m sorry for everything, Gideon. I never meant to hurt you,” he said the nape of his lover’s neck.

:Yes you did, Felix. You wanted to drive me away and you succeeded: his mental voice is clipped, but not unkind. He strokes absently at a curl of hair behind Felix’s ear.

“I – know. But I never wanted anyone else. Not like this”

:I can almost believe that. I just wish I knew why you did it:

“I was afraid of hurting you. And Malkar, I know you don’t believe me, but the rubies…I think they were poisoning me…” he can’t more than whisper this.

:Malkar’s been poisoning you a long time, Felix. Maybe it’s time it stopped:

Felix has no answer for his except to clutch at Gideon and move in for another kiss, losing himself for a second time that night in need. He’d take as much as he could get.