paradisalost | [Thread] We Used to be Together

He stood in the humming lift as it ascended, staring at the doors as he contemplated what he was about to do.

I can look into memories. Something he didn't do often, didn't entirely like doing -- delving into the mind of another, leafing through their past like so many aged history books. But, this, this was worth it, he knew. After the feeling of violation that the castle had wrought upon him, taking away his memories of a companion who, he'd gathered, he was extremely close to, he felt he needed this. Rose needed this. He just wondered why he was so worried about what he'd see.

The lift dinged at the 26th floor and he stepped out of the now-open doors, heading for the one labelled with Rose's name. Rose Tyler, it seemed so foreign to him, even now. He couldn't believe that this girl had been with him over two incarnations.

Sighing a little, he lifted a hand to knock.

Rose was startled out of her musings by the knocking on her door. Even Queenie, who had gotten quite comfortable with all the petting she was getting, jumped a little and started barking.

"Shush," she said as she picked herself up off the floor to stretch a little. The journal still lay open on the floor. She reread the words one more time before reaching down to pick it up and set it, closed tight, on her nightstand.

She scooped up the yipping puppy and managed to open the door.

"Hello, come on in. Uh ... yea" Well that sounded brilliant.

An amused smile half-appeared on his face, both at Rose's words and the barking puppy. "Hello," he said, and after a moment of standing in the doorway he stepped inside her room.

How to go about this? He looked at her and she looked at him, but neither seemed to know what to say. Hands in his pockets, he surveyed her room and helped himself to a chair. "So." Somehow he couldn't meet her eyes, not just yet; he focused his attention on the dresser across from him. Thinking, perhaps, about how he was going to go about this.

"So," she said back. Well this was off to a great start. But how were these things supposed to start anyway?

At least she could distract herself with Queenie. Convenient really. Instead of going back to sitting cross-legged on the floor she moved to sit that way on her bed. Queenie settled onto her lap for a continuation of all the petting she had gotten before. She was definitely becoming quite the little spoiled puppy.

"So." And there was that wretched little word again. "Were you um, going to want to see from when I met yo- ... th- ... Nine?"

There. She had actually managed to get it out. Talk about awkward though.

Well, at least she'd broken the ice. Not that it needed to be broken. Well, all right, it did, especially with this sudden crop-up of awkward that came with having to face the facts. Those facts, the ones that had been bothering him since the day Nine brought Rose up in conversation.

He watched her sit down in his peripheral vision, elbows now on his knees as he looked at the floor. But then she asked the question, and he nodded. Kept his eyes there for a moment, then lifted his head and looked at her. "You'll want to know how I'm going to do this, then?" He turned towards her in the chair. "I won't hurt you," he added quietly as an afterthought.

He had nodded. So was that yes? That meant all her memories of being with the Doctor needed to be sifted through, which included his own regeneration. Oh that was a weird thought - him watching his own regeneration. At least she had sort of been thinking she'd need to take the full trip down memory lane.

"Would be a bit nice to know how this is going to work so I know what to do ... or not do," she said. It would be bad after all if this went south because she didn't do her end properly. "And ... I know," she said softly.

He nodded again when she said this. All right, so a little explanation, trip into Rose Memory Theatre, then less of dealing with all the touchiness that always came with the two of them talking. He'd be glad for that.

"All right," he said, and he got up from the chair and sat next to her on the bed. He looked at her for a moment, trying vainly to turn her face into something familiar. "You're going to lead me through your memories. One at a time, like - well - like a slide show. One by one, and I'll see them just as you are. If you get uncomfortable, or if you want me to stop, just tell me." He inclined his head a little. "All right?"

So she'd be seeing it all ... actually leading him instead of him just touring on his own. Right then. She looked down at Queenie. It might be best to make sure the puppy was safely on the ground, just in case. She picked up the puppy, set her on the floor and picked up a chew toy that was nearby. "Here Queenie, chew on this for a bit."

She settled back on the bed how she had been. "All right. A slide show. There'll be sound for you right?" She took a deep breath. Why was beginning something always so hard? Maybe it was just that this was a big deal. But this was going to work and things would (hopefully) change. And that was motivation to get moving.

"First stop, Henricks. The night I met you ... and you blew up my job."

Normally he would've done the looking on his own, but given current situations he thought it best to let Rose to the guiding. No good to stumble upon something he wasn't supposed to see and have her avoid him out of embarrassment or anger. He didn't want that.

He watched the puppy trot off happily with the chew toy and he turned purposefully to face her, right knee propped up on the bed and left foot on the floor. "All right, more like a film," he clarified, "with somebody hogging the remote to fast-forward to all the good parts." He smiled a little despite himself.

At the 'blew up her job' bit he raised his eyebrows, but did nothing else as he scooched towards her. "Close your eyes," he said, and he placed a hand on either side of her head, fingers touching her temples. This was it.

((ooc: Sweet. It'll be like Doctor Who, New Series, the Abridged Version. XD))

A film with her fast-forwarding to all the good bits. Right. Her life with the Doctor on film ... but not. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes, thinking of that first night.

Henricks - calling for Wilson, the shop window dummies coming toward her, a hand grabbing hers. Run. In the lift, finding out they weren't students, back out of the lift, a device. I'm the Doctor, by the way, what's your name?/ Rose/ Nice to meet you, Rose. Run for your life. Explosion, there went her job.

She remembered it all. Hearing about how he can feel the turn of the Earth. Seeing the TARDIS. Where do you want to start?/ Um... the inside's bigger than the outside?/ Yes./ It's alien./ Yup./ Are you alien?/ Yes The one who sounded like he's from the North. Using her gymnastics to swing in and save him. By the way - did I mention, it also travels in time?

Heading inside the TARDIS. Going forward in time. You think you're so impressive./ I am so impressive!/ You wish! The year 5.5/apple/26, 5 billion years in her future. The end of the world. Seeing the last human - Cassandra. All the aliens, running away. Talking to Raffalo, a twig, the Doctor. Arguing, stopping. With a little bit of jiggery pokery.../ Is that a technical term, 'jiggery pokery'?/ Yeah, I came first in jiggery pokery, what about you?/ Nah, failed hullabaloo. Calling her mum. Talking to Cassandra, getting trapped and nearly frying. Seeing the Earth in pieces. Going back to 2005, smelling chips.

Off to the past. Better with two. Changing to not start a riot.
Blimey!/ Don't laugh!/ You look beautiful! ... considering./ Considering what?/ That you're human! Meeting Charles Dickens, Gwyneth, the Gelth, danger and the thoughts of dying before being born ... and in Cardiff no less. Go down fighting. I'm so glad I met you./ Me too. Surviving except for poor Gwyneth, giving Dickens a surprise and heading back home.

12 months not 12 hours, Jackie slapping him. He's 900 years old - one hell of an age gap. A ship hitting Big Ben, watching it unfold on tv. He's heading off - there was an alien in there. Promise you won't disappear?/ Tell you what - TARDIS key. About time you had one. Not arrested, escorted to 10 Downing Street! Harriet Jones - MP - Flydale North. Slitheen. Trapped, thinking, planning, the codes and a way out. I could save the world but lose you. Going back home and packing. Last time I stepped in there, it was spur of the moment. Now I'm signing up. You're stuck with me.

He watched all of these scenes flash by in Rose's mind, as though playing on the insides of his eyelids, for his eyes were closed, too. They were quick, but they were registering, and he made well to remember them: shop dummies, running, everything that had already gone by in the past few minutes -- you look beautiful! Did he say that? He and Rose, had they been...?

No time to wonder now, they were on a roll and didn't appear to be stopping just yet. They still had a ways go to. He let Rose lead on, watching like a spectator to a fast-paced montage.

Rose focused on continuing on, remembering her time with the Doctor. She only hoped he was catching it all. This just had to work. What had happened next?

2012, Utah and the alien museum. Van Statten, Adam, going down to see what looks like a giant pepper pot being tortured. Listening to it ... touching it. Bad move. The Dalek advances, absorbs the Internet. Running away to a staircase. El-ev-ate./ Oh my God. Running to beat the bulkhead closing, the Doctor on her mobile. Rose, where are you? Rose, did you make it?/ Sorry, I was a bit slow. It doesn't kill her. Going to floor 01. It dies. Is that the end of it? The Time War?/ I'm the only one left. I win. How about that./ The Dalek survived... maybe some of your people did too./ I know. In here. Feels like there's no one./ Well then - good thing I'm not going anywhere./ Yeah.

Going to 200 000, with Adam in tow. A space station. The fourth great and bountiful human empire. But it's off. Still, money for food. Zaphic tastes like sort of beef. Cathica, Suki. Trying to figure things out. Floor 500. The Jagrafess. Adam mucking things up, Cathica helping. Taking Adam back. I only take the best. I've got Rose.

To the past - her parents wedding. But then ... 1987. 7th of November. The day Peter Tyler died. An ordinary day. First attempt to be with him as he dies fails. Trying again - but saving him. Arguing with the Doctor over having saved her dad. Giving the TARDIS key back. Going off with Pete, talking, seeing Jackie. Monsters in the skies. Nothing in this Universe can harm those things. Time's been damaged and they've come to sterilize the wound. By consuming everything in sight. Her fault. Call Pete Dad. The Doctor with baby her. Just... tell me you're sorry./ I am. I'm sorry. Accidentally being handed herself. The monster gets in, the Doctor's gone. Pete going and getting himself killed to right it all. Being with him as he dies, kissing his forehead. Seeing the Doctor waiting for her.

Rose can't help it. A few tears stream down her face and her mind goes blank for a moment.

The Doctor frowned as he watched these last few scenes; I only take the best. More of that. And that must have been Rose's mum and dad -- and then her dad. And he'd died.

Then everything went blank. He opened his eyes, noticed that she was crying, reached a thumb over to wipe the tears away. Should he stop? He sat and he waited to see what she'd do, looking over the scenes again in his mind. There was still so much to see, he knew.

Rose sniffled and opened her eyes. "Sorry ... my dad ... and ... right." She closed her eyes again. There were still plenty of memories just to get to where ... well she'd just handle that when it came up. Back to the show for him.

An emergency. Mauve. Following it to Earth. Explosions. He's off to go asking around. The psychic paper showed Doctor John Smith, Ministry of Astroids. Not very Spock. I think you should do a scan for alien tech./ Gimme some Spock! For once, would it kill ya?/ Are you sure about that t-shirt?/ Too early to say. I'm taking it out for a spin. The Union Jack shirt. A child calling "Mummy"? Following it. Barrage balloon above London during a German air raid. Definitely not a good shirt to be wearing. Saved by Jack Harkness, fixed by Nanogenes and dancing to Glenn Miller up next to Big Ben. Scanning for alien tech (a professional!) and going to where the Doctor is. Trapped by the gas-mask people.

Go to your room! Going upstairs to see ... but that's his room. Using the blaster to go down a floor. Trapped again, Jack disappears, says he'll get them out. Glenn Miller to block out the child. Trust Jack because he's like the Doctor but with dating and ...

You just assume that I don't... dance./ What, are you telling me you do... dance?/ Nine hundred years old, me. I've been around a bit. I think you can assume that at some point I've danced./ You?!/ Problem?/ Doesn't the Universe implode or something if you... dance?/ Well, I've got the moves but I wouldn't want to boast./ You've got the moves? Show me your moves./ Rose, I'm trying to resonate concrete./ Jack'll be back; he'll get us out. So come on - the world doesn't end 'cause the Doctor dances. Barrage balloon, Captain envy, teleported without knowing it. Back to figuring things out. Freeing Nancy. Going to reattach barbed wire. Telling her we win. She's the mother. Everybody lives, Rose. Just this once. Everybody lives! Bringing Jack onboard.

Dancing.

Going to Cardiff to refuel on a rift. Good day until Margaret. A nuclear plant and her plans. Blaidd Drwg./ What's it mean?/ Bad Wolf./ But I've heard that before, Bad Wolf. I've heard that lots of times.../ Everywhere we go. Two words. Following us. Bad Wolf./ How can they be following us? Raxacoricofallapatorius, plan to take Margaret back there. The TARDIS, the rift cracking apart, light from the TARDIS, Margaret's an egg. Going to take her home to start new. Job done ...

Waking up on a floor. Transmat? The Weakest Link with a twist. Playing for her life, no clue where the Doctor is or what the answers are. Talking to Rodrick. Bad Wolf runs the game station. Different times... different places like it's written all over the Universe.../ What're you going on about?/ If the Bad Wolf is in charge of this quiz, then... maybe I'm not here by mistake. Someone's been planning this... Down to two. Losing. The Doctor and Jack right there but ... she's gone and ...

Daleks. Nothing but Daleks. But then ... communications link, they speak to ... the Doctor!

I'm gonna save Rose Tyler from the middle of the Dalek Fleet, and then I'm gonna save the Earth, and then just to finish off, I'm gonna wipe every last stinking Dalek outta the sky!/ But you have no weapons! No defences! No plan!/ Yeah. And doesn't that scare you to death? Rose?/ Yes, Doctor?/ I'm coming to get you.

He closed his eyes again shortly after Rose, coming in in time to catch the start up. There was so much. So, so much -- more than he thought. And they were only still on his Ninth regeneration.

Dancing. That must have been what Nine had been talking about. There they were, in the TARDIS. Were they really...? No, that was Nine's business. He remembered her.

He'd gone to save her from the Daleks. Without any sort of plan, it seemed. Suddenly it became painfully, punch-in-the-gut obvious why Rose had been so upset that he didn't remember her. Why she told him it hurt so much.

He kept watching like a moviegoer glued to the screen.

Rose nearly faltered again, realizing what was now inevitably in front of her. The last memories of ...

The TARDIS materialized around her, Jack blasted the single Dalek beside her. Relief, a hug, going out to talk to the Daleks, back to the game station. Plans for a Delta Wave and to fight what Daleks come on board. Goodbye to Jack. Helping the Doctor, he has an idea, rush inside the TARDIS, it turns on ...

This is Emergency Programme One. Rose, now listen; this is important. If this message is activated, then it can only mean one thing. We must be in danger. And I mean fatal. I'm dead or about to die any second with no chance of escape. And that's okay. Hope it's a good death. But I promised to look after you, and that's what I'm doing. The TARDIS is taking you home. And I bet you're fussing and moaning now - typical. But hold on and just listen a bit more. The TARDIS can never return for me. Emergency Programme One means I'm facing an enemy that should never get their hands on this machine. So this is what you should do: let the TARDIS die. Just let this old box gather dust. No one can open it; no one will even notice it. Let it become a strange little thing standing on a street corner. And over the years, the world will move on and the box will be buried. And if you wanna remember me, then you can do one thing. That's all. One thing. Have a good life. Do that for me, Rose. Have a fantastic life.

It won't go back, hopeless ... Bad Wolf everywhere. An idea, a truck, and the light.

Rose shivers slightly as the memories distort. They aren't entirely hers now but rather Bad Wolf's.

I looked into the TARDIS. And the TARDIS looked into me./ You looked into the Time Vortex - Rose, no one's meant to see that./ I am the Bad Wolf. I create myself. I take the words... I scatter them in time and space. A message to lead myself here./ Rose, you've got to stop this. You've got to stop this now. You've got the entire vortex running through your head. You're gonna burn./ I want you safe. My Doctor. Protected from the false God. The Emperor turned to dust, all of them. Bringing life. Burning.

The power's gonna kill you and it's my fault./ I can see everything. All that is... all that was... all that ever could be./ That's what I see. All the time. And doesn't it drive you mad?/ My head.../ Come here.../ ... it's killing me .../ I think you need a Doctor.

Darkness. Waking up in the TARDIS. Confused. There was singing. He's joking, dogs with no noses. Not making sense, Time Lord trick, every cell dying. And before I go.../ Don't say that./ Rose... Before I go, I just wanna tell you, you were fantastic. Absolutely fantastic. And d'you know what? So was I.

Regeneration. He's gone. A new person in his clothes going on about having big hair, sideburns and a mole.

Send him back. I'm warning you, send the Doctor back right now!/ Rose, it's me. Honestly, it's me. I was dying. To save my own life I changed my body. Every single cell, but... it's still me./ You can't be./ Then how could I remember this? Very first word I ever said to you. Trapped in that cellar. Surrounded by shop window dummies.... oh... such a long time ago. I took your hand... I said one word... just one word, I said... "Run"./ Doctor./ Hello.

Her mind goes blank a second time and she's crying again.

He heard the words - the familiar ones, the ones she'd said when she'd run to his TARDIS last month. The Bad Wolf. I looked into the TARDIS and the TARDIS looked into me. And it had been to save... him. From the Daleks.

Before he could think any more on that he watched himself regenerate. And that was just strange.

Then how could I remember this? Very first word I ever said to you. Funny that he could say that then, that it was so useful -- so easy to him. All it took was that word and she'd been convinced, when now... now, this process was the only reason he knew.

Then she stopped again and he opened his eyes again. No words came.

Rose opened her eyes but didn't look right at him. "I had even asked you if you could change back," she said softly. She sniffled. "Sorry ... again. Didn't mean to get all weepy on you."

She finally looked up at him. "Is this working all right then? I ... can't tell. I'm just ... I ..." She was getting absorbed in her own memories. All of them, both good and bad. It couldn't be helped. She didn't even have a clue as to how long she had even been sitting there, showing him her time with his previous self.

"Keep going?" She gave a sort of weak smile. "Now you're going to be seeing um ... yourself. Well, it's all yourself but ... you know what I mean."

At this he laughed a little, but it was a sad laugh. He wiped at her tears again.

The Doctor nodded. "It's working just fine," he said, and for a fleeting moment that impersonal feeling he got with her - one that said she was just another person he'd met in Paradisa - was gone. She'd been his companion over two regenerations. She'd saved his life. He'd saved hers. And when she asked to keep going he nodded again, encouraging her on. "I know. Go on."

Rose managed to compose herself and even reached up to place her hands on top of his, those all too familiar hands of his, for a moment. If she just looked at him, without thinking about it any, she could almost believe nothing was wrong. But then this wouldn't be happening. At least as of right now he knew almost what his previous regeneration knew. "All right, here we go again. And no complaining about how you look or anything."

She closed her eyes and began remembering again. The regeneration going wrong. Crashing on Earth. Checking his hearts. Him lying so unmoving in borrowed jim-jams. The Christmas tree ripping apart the flat. Help me Two words and he was up, saving them. But it went all wrong again. The hopelessness. An invasion without his help. Going in the TARDIS to hide. Relief at seeing him better because of some tea. Him upset over not being ginger. Am I funny? Am I sarcastic? Sexy? Him fighting the Sycorax, his fighting hand, the satsuma. Christmas dinner.

Off to the year five billion and twenty three. New Earth and New New York with the New New Doctor. Message on the psychic paper. Heading to the hospital with no gift shop. Being separated. Cassandra, possession, bouncy castle, heading up to the Doctor. That kiss. Using the perfume to knock him out. The diseased being released. Fleeing. The Doctor possessed by Cassandra. Goodness me, I'm a man. Yum. So many parts! And hardly used... Ah.. ah! Two hearts! Oh, baby, I'm beating out a samba!/ Get out of him./ Ooh, he's slim. And a little bit foxy. You've thought so too. I've been inside your head... You've been looking... you like it. The ladder, back and forth possession by Cassandra. The lift and the cure. New life, Cassandra's death.

To the past. Ian Dury and the Blockheads, singing along. 1879 not 1979. Ooch, aye! I've been oot and aboot./ No, don't do that./ Hoots mon!/ No, really don't. Really. Queen Victoria. I want her to say 'we are not amused'. I bet you five quid I can make her say it./ Well, if I gambled on that, it'd be an abuse of my privileges of traveller in time./ ... Ten quid?/ Done. Talks, the wolf. The observatory. Being dubbed Sir Doctor of TARDIS and Dame Rose of the Powell Estate. She is not amused. Banished.

To a school. Being a dinner lady. The school at night. Sarah Jane, K9, analyzing the oil. Back in the school, checking computers. I saw things you wouldn't believe./ Try me./ Mummies./ I've met ghosts./ Robots. Lots of robots./ Slitheen. In Downing Street./ Daleks!/ Met the Emperor./ Anti-Matter monsters./ Gas masked zombies./ Real living dinosaurs!/ Real living werewolf!/ The Loch Ness Monster!/ ... Seriously? Listen to us. It's like me and my mate Shireen. The only time we fell out was over a man, and... we're arguing over the Doctor. With you, did he do that thing where he'd explain something at like, ninety-miles-per-hour, and you'd go, "what?" and he'd look at you like you'd just dribbled on your shirt?/ All the time! Does he still stroke bits of the TARDIS?/ Yeah! Yeah! He does! I'm like, "do you two wanna be alone?" Laughing at the Doctor. The Code, evacuating the school, explosion. Goodbye to Sarah Jane.

Another space station. Fifty-first century space ship with an eighteenth century French fireplace in it. Reinette, space-age clockwork, internal organs as parts of the ship, being caught by the droids. The Doctor coming in drunk. I could've danced all night, I could've danced all night.../ Oh, look at what the cat dragged in. The Oncoming Storm. Saving Reinette. Five and a half hour wait.

Rose paused. That was a bit odd. Those last sets of memories seemed like they were missing whole chunks. No point in dwelling too long on that. Nothing was coming up to fill the gaps no matter how hard she tried.

The whole thing took a turn for strange when he began watching himself - well, his current self - through Rose's perspective, watched as he yelled in pain and lay there and emitted bits of -- what was that? Time Vortex, of course; from absorbing it all. He watched himself regrow a hand and enjoy Christmas dinner with Rose and her mum. Jackie, right? That's what Nine had said.

And then there was a sudden jolt of confusion and surprise as he watched a scene of poking through a directory dissolve quickly into himself and Rose. Kissing. But then -- oh, she'd been posessed, and -- what the hell was he doing? And what was that about her liking it? Mildly embarassed, he shifted a little on the bed, eyes still closed. No matter how difficult the situation, there is no need to shout. Oh, blimey.

Sarah Jane! And K-9! Oh, he was glad to have seen them again, even from Rose's perspective... why were they fighting over him?

He also noticed that the last memory was rather short and full of inexplicable gaps, but he paid no mind until she paused and he saw a couple of those scenes more than once, like she was trying to find something she'd missed. Quietly, he made a 'hm' noise.

Still nothing. Maybe the gaps were because she didn't know that Mickey Smith bloke that had supposedly been her boyfriend at one point. How frustrating. She thought she heard something from the Doctor. Could he see she was trying to figure this out? Oops. Time to move forward then.

The TARDIS console exploding, the Time Vortex just ... gone. Crashing. London with zeppelins, and Pete Tyler alive. Searching the Cybus Network on her mobile. No Rose here. Going to Pete's. If you wanna know what's going on, work in the kitchens. Rose the dog. The Cybermen. Mrs Moore, Pete. Lumic. Getting in to stop the upgrading. Jacqueline Tyler, in Cyber-form. The code behind the emotional inhibitor. Going to the roof, a zeppelin, escaping. Wait ...

Who broke the code? Who flew the zeppelin? Nothing again. Gaps. More gaps than the last time. Frustrating.

1950s clothes, a blue moped. You goin' my way, doll?/ Is there any other way to go, daddy-o? Not exactly New York in the late 50s. TV aerials all over for Queen Elizabeth's televised coronation. 1953. Something's wrong, going to ask the neighbors. Mr Connolly's family. Their gran, face all gone. Talking to Magpie, the Wire, things getting warped as-.

Hang on. Just, nothing. All blank, but not like before. The next memory being seeing the Doctor, a reunion. Telling Tommy to go after his dad.

Rose opened her eyes. "I ... think I ended up like those other people did there, faceless," she said slowly. "Still doesn't explain why it feels like things are missing in other memories," she muttered.

"I liked that scooter though ... hope Tommy had fun with it."

He noticed the gaps and wondered, for a second time, what they were about. But then her loss came to mind -- memories of Mickey Smith, the one he remembered. Why he remembered Mickey, he had no idea. It wasn't as though he remembered him actually doing anything, he just remembered meeting a Mickey Smith. Mickey the Idiot.

Next thing he knew he was seeing more memories, seeing London in the 1950s. Is that where that moped had gone? But then -- blankness, like a videotape that had been erased in the middle that shot directly back into memories. But then Rose opened her eyes again and he followed suit, still feeling slightly awkward from her first memories of his current self.

He felt as though something dropped into his stomach when she said that. He'd let that happen? And as for her other statement, "it must have been Mickey," he said simply. "You've got gaps in your memories because the castle removed them." Oh, he hated that.

"Right. Mickey." She sighed. "The castle seems to like doing that doesn't it?" Like with the memories of her. At least he was able to use this trick to see what she had seen. Memories of Mickey were just never going to be replaced.

A subject change was definitely in order. "Back to our distorted 'This is Your Life' then?" Eyes closed again, she waited a moment for him to do the same before she remembered -

The Ood on some sort of base. We must feed ... you. If you are hungry. Meeting the crew, bracing for a sort of earthquake, the base in orbit around a black hole. Impossible. Their drilling plan to a power source, running to find out the TARDIS is gone with part of the base. Trapped. Talking, have to get a mortgage. Scooti's death, the Doctor volunteering to go down with Ida. Kissing his helmet. Waiting and hogging the comm, the ood mobilizing and speaking of the beast.

The voice of the beast. And the lost girl, so far away from home. The valiant child who will die in battle so very soon. The cable snapping, cutting off him and Ida. Working with the crew to stop the ood. Ida saying ... He fell. Into the pit. And I don't know how deep it is - miles and miles and miles. Being told by Zach to abandon the base. Resisting him, a needle, darkness. Waking in a rocket, Take me back! Toby being possessed again, using the bolt gun, the rocket being turned away and pulled by something. Sorry about the hijack, captain. This is the good ship TARDIS. Now, first thing's first - have you got a Rose Tyler on board?/ I'm here! It's me! Oh, my God! Relief and a reunion on the TARDIS, him still in the orange suit. Hang on though, Doctor. You never really said... you two... who are you?/ Oh ... the stuff of legend.

London 2012 - the Olympics. Missing children posters in a neighborhood. Investigating. Fingers on lips! A cat, it disappearing, the metallic smell in its wake. Being attacked by something ... a pencil scribble. Chloe and Trish. The monstrous drawing in the wardrobe, all red, Chloe's dad. The Doctor sticking his fingers in a jam jar. The Doctor talking to what's in Chloe. In the TARDIS. I was a dad once./ What did you say? The Doctor and the TARDIS gone, trapped in a drawing. Finding the pod, throwing it in the Olympic torch. Still no Doctor. On the tv ... him carrying the torch. Back together, edible ball bearings on a cupcake.

You know what; they keep on trying to split us up, but they never ever will./ Never say never ever./ Nah. We'll always be okay, you and me. Don't you reckon, Doctor?/ Something in the air. Something coming./ What?/ A storm's approaching.

"Seems like," he muttered idly before settling back to continue with the viewing. He closed his eyes again.

He found it just a bit annoying that he couldn't see what he'd been doing when Rose hadn't been there. Although - okay, now with the helmet-kissing - if he did remember this, he was sure he wouldn't have known what happened on Rose's end, so this was... helpful, at least. Even still, very, very curious as to what had gone on --

He watched the next memory and realised that it must have been the one she mentioned just before he first told her about his loss.

A storm's approaching.

Rose had told him what was about to happen before she arrived in Paradisa. He shifted again on the bed with his eyes closed, preparing himself for her last few memories, feeling a twist of worry as one usually does when one knows the impending fate of a character in a film. Only this wasn't a film. This had been his life. And he had... maybe... loved Rose.

Feelings askew, he lifted his head and let her continue to lead on.

And now she had come to it. Her last memories with the Doctor. The army of ghosts, Torchwood and the War. The end of it all.

She started with the memories of them going to visit her mum. A happy time, her mum actually kissing the Doctor - twice! Word of the ghosts, seeing one, watching the tv and seeing them everywhere. A device to triangulate their point of origin. Who're you gonna call?/ Ghostbusters! Her mum saying she's changed. Taking off to the location, her mum still onboard. Landing, the group happy to see the Doctor, him grabbing her mum and saying she's Rose, watching them all talk then leave on the monitor.

Rose paused. Unfortunately she had no clue what happened to her mum and the Doctor while they were separated. Hopefully that didn't irritate him too much.

Her finding his psychic paper, leaving the TARDIS, finding a lab coat and following a man, being caught because the psychic paper doesn't work on them ... hang on. More memory gaps like something's missing. Rose sighs. Mickey must have been there but now she has no idea why or what happened to him. The sphere in the room booming, pulling apart, Daleks. Something about a Genesis Ark, the Daleks killing Rajesh. Them wanting her to touch the Ark, fix it like the Dalek from long ago. The Doctor coming in, the Daleks - Cult of Skaro, Time Lord science, running, It's Pete from a different Universe.

The Genesis Ark opening, Daleks everywhere. Time Lord science... it's bigger on the inside. The plan, seeing the Void stuff, I'm opening the Void, but only on this side. You'll be safe on that side./ And then you close it. For good?/ The breach itself is soaked in Void Stuff, in the end it'll close itself. And that's it. Kaput./ But you stay on this side...?/ That's why... I got these. I'll just have to hold on tight - I've been doing it all my life./ I'm supposed to go./ Yeah./ To another world, and then it gets sealed off./ Yeah./ Forever. That's not gonna happen.

Betrayal, being sent by him to the other Universe, going back, Once the breach collapses, that's it. You will never be able to see her again. Your own mother!/ I made my choice a long time ago, and I'm never gonna leave you. Getting the system ready, starting it, hanging on, watching the Cybermen and Daleks get sucked in.

Her lever going back down, working to get it up, computer back online, gripping the lever. Slipping. Rose, hold on! Hold on! Falling away from him toward the Void.

Suddenly being in Paradisa. Her mind goes blank again and her hands cover his, an unconscious act to seek some familiarity, as she slowly opens her eyes. Waiting. Because now there's nothing left to tell. And she has no clue what he's even thinking.

He went from smiling at the reunion with Rose's mum to watching the next proceedings intently, making sure to pay attention to each and every detail. Missing what he'd done. Missing Mickey. Rose with the psychic paper, the following, and then -- the Daleks. Daleks and Cybermen arguing but both with the same intention -- delete. Exterminate. Kill.

And then he watched himself force Rose to safety with her mum and her paralell-world-father. And she came back, gave it up, gave a normal life and her parents up because she... -- There were Cybermen and Daleks everywhere and they had to get rid of them themselves. He and Rose. Saving the world.

And she would have died for it; for staying behind, for staying with him if not for Paradisa. He watched himself shrink farther and farther away as Rose was sucked towards the Void -- then the familiar landscape of the castle again, and a short flash of himself and Nine at her door. Then he opened his eyes, feeling her hands on his. He looked at her, not sure what to say; it had all been overwhelming, seeing everything he'd done with Rose in such a short time, from a new traveler to a casualty of war. Another lost companion, like all the rest.

"Rose..."

It should have been such an easy thing really. Just sit and remember all the time spent with the Doctor, both of his forms. From beginning until end, her end. But it hadn't been.

There had been so so much to go through, so many emotions attached to memories, taking hold of her. Overwhelming. And still there had been much more. But she'd never know as there was no way to find out what he had done anytime they had been apart. Funny how it had never seemed like it at the time. Like time had no meaning other than as a destination. Always doing something, going somewhere, being with him as the days just flew by. Loving it all.

She looked at him, trying in vain to read something, anything on his face. She tried to speak but all that came out was one whispered word.

"Doctor ..."

He just looked at her, looked at her for a long while. This girl in front of him, on whose head he still had his hands on which hers still laid, she had indeed been his companion and they'd gone through what he'd seen - still very, very fresh in his mind - together. He'd saved her, she'd saved him, they'd saved worlds and times together, for longer - much longer - than he had with Martha. He could tell just by watching himself and watching the two of them together that they had had a strong bond. A very strong bond.

And then he realized how unfair this had been to her, to go through all that and to face him, with no memory of any of this at all. Could he get that affection for her back? Already she gave him a feeling of familiarity now that he knew what had happened, but otherwise...

He lowered his hands and brought hers with them, taking them in his. Words, however, were still beyond him.

Rose lowered her gaze to their hands. What the hell was there to say? So, did you enjoy the show? Sorry about all the missing bits and pieces.

She looked down to the floor. Where was - ah there was Queenie curled up asleep. How long had they even been lost in her memories? And what was going to happen now? He still technically didn't remember her. He only knew of their travels, though her eyes ... never again through his own.

And what of the feelings they had had? Gone forever too?

She stopped looking at the snoozing puppy and made herself look back at his face. The painfully familiar face of the one she had come to l-

A few tears slipped silently down her cheek. Better to try speaking again instead of dwelling on certain things.

"So ..." There was really just something about saying the word so today now wasn't there? "Um ..." And that too.

She tried to smile but it wasn't the usual bright happy one. "Hello."

He continued to look at her even when she dropped her gaze. What was he supposed to do now? The memories were done with, all that was left was the awkward aftermath. So he knew what had happened; an outsider. What was there to do? Comment on it? Say something funny to make the both of them feel better? No, it just didn't seem right.

Then she started crying. Oh, no, nononono, don't start crying again. Not now. He bit his lip, but then she spoke. And he attempted a smile back to her. "Hello," he replied quietly, and instinct had him letting go of her hands and pulling her into a hug.

"Rose, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." He took a deep breath to steady himself. "But thank you."

Rose's arms automatically went up and around the Doctor after he pulled her into a hug. The familiarity of the gesture, the comfort she got from it, managed to push away any beginnings of shock she had at him even pulling her into a hug. After all up until this day, this memory viewing, he had been practically a stranger to her all over again. And at the same time he hadn't quite been a different person. Everything was there after all, all the mannerisms and such ... just not a single memory of her.

She settled further into the hug, resting her cheek on his shoulder.

"I-it's not your fault Doctor. It's not your fault," she said softly. "I ... you're ... welcome?" Her brow furrowed slightly. What was he thanking her for exactly?

The Doctor held her for a moment, felt her embrace him back in what he assumed was an automatic movement. For a second he considered pulling away; this was like false hope, like giving her something she couldn't actually have back, not for real. And in that moment he might've twitched back, but only for a second as they continued sitting there, arms around each other for comfort.

He glared at the wall behind Rose. It wasn't his fault, but he couldn't do anything about it. The fact that he couldn't fix this, this one thing... "For showing me," he clarified. "And also," he chuckled sadly, "for not leaving with Nine the moment I told you I'd forgotten." Because, really, that had been a sign to him itself. And it meant everything. It meant that she cared enough about him to give him a chance to start over. "Most people wouldn't be able to handle it, but you..." he thought back on those memories, "You're a strong girl, Rose."

And also for not leaving with Nine the moment I told you I'd forgotten. Rose tightened her grip on him briefly, the only response she could think of. That would have been the easy way out, right? Just walk away from this one, the one who was still in nearly every way the Doctor she knew. But that wouldn't have been right.

He was still the Doctor after all.

"I'm stronger now that I ever was because of you," she said softly. "Saw the whole of time and space after all. Aliens, a war, my mother kissing you ..."

He took her squeeze as a good sign and rested his chin on her shoulder. Ever since Nine had mentioned her in the beginning he'd planned to start over in the event that she did show up. He just thought it would be easier than this, but he was wrong.

He nearly laughed at that. If only he knew if Jackie really was that bad -- well, aside from what he'd seen, which already proved her fairly irritating. "I can't take all the credit," he said, usual nonchalant tone returning. "After all, I don't take just anybody with me."

Resting his chin on her shoulder - good sign. She sort of smiled from the action. It was definitely nice being able to get a good hug from him again.

I don't take just anybody with me. One statement and it all too easily reminded her of the other voice, the other face, and the one sentence that could go with his. I only take the best.

"You take the best," she said in barely more than a whisper.

He smiled when she said this, quiet though it was. He actually knew what she was referring to, and that made his hearts leap. Things were looking up, although his mind was still choosing to replay those select scenes from the beginning of his time in this form. Still awkward. But in the here and now...

"I take the best," he affirmed quietly, still smiling.

[Thread] We Used to be Together

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