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paradisalost2007-03-22 04:06 pm
percipience.livejournal.com) wrote in paradisalost2007-03-22 04:06 pm
[Thread] Kadaj comforts Lana
Who: Lana, Kadaj
What: Kadaj is concerned for Lana so he goes to see her and she proceeds to dump gallons of water on him
When: This morning
Where: Lana's room
Rating: G
Something was wrong with his friend Lana. He knew it, and he didn't know what to do. Kadaj had waited by his journal for Lana's writing to answer him, and when it did he was quick to respond. Of course he would come see her. She was his friend and he didn't want her to be upset. If he could help her somehow he would do so. Kadaj hurried out of his room and up the two flights to see Lana. Even in his hurry to see her he still remembered to knock politely first. "Lana, I'm coming in, all right?" He didn't want to startle her, after all.
Lana's head flew up from where it was resting on her journal. So much pain, internal and external. That combined with not sleeping a good deal was exhausting. She'd managed to stop crying to convince everyone she was alright...well almost everyone..or at least try. The last thing she wanted to do was draw attention to the situation. She'd started the pretty little ponies song again. She wasn't sure why she was torturing herself with it. Maybe because the last time she'd hear it..or sang it rather..everything was still okay. They were still silly and happy. Lana didn't wait for Kadaj to enter. She rushed to the door, pulled him in and closed it behind him all in a swift movement before she wrapped her arms around him and buried her face in his chest.
Okay, so she opened the door for him. He thought to say something but she had caught him and pulled him in before he could. A few attempted starts at speaking resulted in confused sputtering. Kadaj blinked, trying to understand what was going on. She was hugging him but it wasn't the friendly kind of hug. It wasn't even the comforting kind. It was yet another kind. Lana was most definitely upset about something. Kadaj remembered that her touch helped him, so he put his arms around her.
Lana managed to hold it together for no more than a couple of moments before her shoulders heaved and she began to cry again. She brought her hands back to the front of Kadaj to try and stop the tears but remained leaned tightly against him. It took her almost as little time to give up trying to stop her tears as it did for them to start. She allowed her hands to rest on Kadaj's chest on other side of her face as she leaned against him, sobbing. She should have felt stupid. She should have felt embarrassed for making such a fuss but she was tired. She was hurting inside and out and her best friend hated her. Really hated her.... "I can't remember the last time I was capable of feeling... this much hatred for one person." At the thought of those words her sobs only increased in violence. The peaceful tune played gently in the background. A lullaby, something pure and beautiful in any other situation.
What was going on? Kadaj felt more lost than ever, and helpless. It felt worse than when President Shinra shot Mother. Kadaj gently guided the girl to a sitting position. It would be easier on her that way. Questions bubbled inside aching to be voiced but he wouldn't pry. Kadaj would let his friend let out her sadness for as long as she needed, and if she felt like it she would tell him what was going on. If she didn't... well... His concern was to help her, not to nose in on business she didn't want to share.
Lana felt her couch come up beneath her and curled up onto it, practically crawling into Kadaj's lap. She hadn't been this distraught in...a long time. Even when she and Clark had broken up..it had been horribly painful but at least she'd been able to feel angry as well. This was just sadness, horrible torment that there was nothing she could do...nothing she could have done. Sobs wracked her entire body for a long time as she clung to Kadaj. Maybe it had been a poor choice to ask Zexion's little brother to help her...but she couldn't...have asked Dilan. He'd seen them in the hall and...she just couldn't. She couldn't face Dilan right now. Not yet. Not with that song playing in the background, not with it playing in her mind, not with so many scenes playing out in her mind. The worst part was that she could still feel the fire..she could remember that heat...it had come from somewhere... She preferred not to think about it. In this situation she would prefer not to think about anything at all. After a very long time of violent, painful, sobs that made her entire body seize her crying began to quiet to just quiet, short breathing and a torrent of tears. She was still trembling violently but at least she wasn't sobbing, each one making her chest feel like it would explode and her head throb painfully.
It was okay that Lana couldn't feel angry. Kadaj was feeling it for her. Once he got over the confusion and puzzlement of Lana's behavior, he started to feel upset. But not upset in the sad sort of way; upset in the angry sort of way. Someone or something had caused Lana to feel sad, and Kadaj didn't like it. The anger started as displeasure, but hearing Lana's sobs and feeling her body shake made the anger build up inside him. Kadaj almost shook a little himself, his arms tightening but still gentle around Lana. Kadaj still didn't have anything to say, but he wouldn't be able to speak past the rage anyway. His gloved fingers stroked her hair. He managed to stay tender to her, somehow.
Lana hiccuped as one did when they had just cried very violently and it was beginning to subside a bit. She curled herself up closer to Kadaj. She was glad, she decided, that it was him that had come to her. She had the feeling that anyone else would have already been questioning what had happened but it would have only made it worse for her to try and voice it. Not only that but she didn't particularly want anyone to know what she'd done. It was so nice to just be held silently as her crying slowly began to quiet. Her crying had finally settled into sniffling and random hiccups. The tears hadn't stopped falling but they'd slowed considerably. Kadaj was warm and smelled of leather, there was only one more comforting smell she could think of at the moment and it wasn't one she wanted to think about. The room was beginning to blur more than from the tears.
For a brief moment he felt glad. He had been sad not too long ago and Lana had been there to comfort him. Now he was doing the same thing for her. Kadaj was glad his arms were strong enough to hold her even as she shook violently against him, and he was glad he was big enough for her to let her feel safe. This idea of friendship and being kind to other people was still fairly new to him but he didn't need to think about what he was doing at all. Just holding Lana, just being there, that seemed to be the most helpful thing for her. It sounded like her tears were lessening, which must have met she was feeling a little better. Kadaj, for reasons best known to himself, leaned forward so his cheek was pressed up against hers. Her cheeks felt wet from her tears. It was all right. Kadaj didn't mind getting his face wet.
Lana's eyes slipped closed when he pressed his cheek against hers. She didn't know why he did it but she was glad he did. It was nice...She didn't know why but it made her tears flow a little more freely again but it quieted her trembling considerably. She hiccuped again and put her arms around Kadaj's neck. Briefly she thought it was rude of her to be getting him so wet but she didn't figure that was probably what mattered to him at the moment. After several more minutes of sniffling and hiccups she managed a whispered, "thank you, Kadaj," through her tears.
For a moment Kadaj was worried he had somehow upset her again, because he could feel her crying. He considered moving away a little, but then her arms moved around his neck. Apparently she didn't mind his closeness, and her tears were for another reason. That was good; the last thing he wanted was to make her more upset. She spoke to him, which was a good cue to that he should speak as well. "I would do anything to make you happy, Lana," he answered back softly, in that innocently honest way of his.
Lana tightened her hold on him, yet more tears falling silently. She tried breathing steadily for a few minutes, her breaths shaky and uneven. He was so kind to her..always so kind. What if she hurt him too? What if she....no she couldn't even suffer that thought to be in her mind. She closed her eyes tightly, "Kadaj...if I ever.....did anything...if I ever......hurt you in any way I...." She felt that horrible tight feeling in her chest again. "..I'm sorry," she whispered before burying her face in his shoulder again and allowing the trapped sob to emerge. It wasn't painful and violent like the previous sobs but she could feel herself slipping back in that direction. She clung to Kadaj, desperately hoping he could help her stay away from that place. It hurt enough without that violence wracking her body.
That was a bit unexpected. Why would she say something like that? She didn't hurt him. Quite the opposite. Kadaj tried to figure it out in his head. Maybe she was so hurt by someone that she wanted to be sure she wouldn't do the same to her friends? That... seemed possible. "Lana, you are a kind person," he said to her, fingers soothingly combing through her hair. "You have done so many good things for me. You have never hurt me." Kadaj wasn't one to lie about anything. He simply had no reason to do so. So she would surely no that he was being truthful about this. His anger was turning quite murderous. What could have happened to make Lana doubt herself like this?
Lana couldn't make any words past the sobs. Her throat was too tight to make any sound for several minutes. The tears were coming in torrents again. Her fingers wrapped around the strap around a part of Kadaj's clothing as if clinging to him more tightly in any way would make everything go away. Finally she managed to whisper, "I'm not always kind." before she was consumed by another sob. Why did it have to hurt so much?
Kadaj wished he were a bit more... clingable. He would let Lana cling as much and as tight as she liked. It was the very least he could do. At least until he found out what made her so sad in the first place. She was still questioning herself. Rage boiled up inside him. "You are kind to me," Kadaj insisted. "You are the most kind person I have ever known. No one has ever been nice to me before I met you." He had to get her to understand. He pulled away so she could see the sincerity in his eyes. "You are my very first friend, and you accept me and Loz and Yazoo. This makes you the most kind person the three of us know."
Lana sniffled and looked up into his eyes with her tearfilled ones. The tears welled up in them as she looked at him but remained there until she blinked and they fell down her cheeks. She tried to manage a little smile for Kadaj but it was very, very small. She leaned forward again after looking at him for a few moments and rested her head against him again. The sobs stopped again to be replaced by the trembling. She was glad she had never hurt Kadaj. She would never forgive herself if she hurt him.....she still wasn't sure...if she would be able to forgive herself for this. Slowly, very slowly, her trembling subsided and her hiccups were fewer and farther between. The tears still came but they were slow, lethargic. The room was warm and blurry. She hadn't drawn the heavy curtains open because of her light sensitivity so it was fairly dark as well. That was a small blessing. Foggy thoughts of good things were swirling around in her mind. She remembered laughing with him..that was nice..even though remembering it hurt. As her thoughts became fuzzier Lana reached down and took Kadaj's hand in hers. Her eyes fell the rest of the way closed and her breathing slowly became steady and measured. The tears were very few. She still remembered the fire.
Kadaj frowned a little. He needed something comfortable for her. His leather-clad body and his hard furniture simply weren't good enough. He needed something comfortable for Lana... a blanket, even, would be better than nothing. Kadaj spotted one neatly folded on one arm of the couch. It was close so he didn't have to reach far. It felt fuzzy and warm, just the right thing for Lana. He pulled it out so it would cover both of them. That should be better. Kadaj let his hand close over Lana's in a comforting way, firm but still gentle. "I will stay right here for as long as you want me to," he whispered to her. And just because it felt like the right thing to do, his lips delicately brushed on her forehead.
A little smile bloomed on Lana's face at his words but her sleep, pain, stress addled mind could only summon enough energy for a small, wordless sound that was like a happier form of a whimper. Lana didn't feel much better. She wouldn't feel better. But she didn't feel so much despair with Kadaj there. That feeling of permanence was back. It was comforting. Her breathing slowed and deepened until she slipped into the dark warmth of sleep, curled up snuggly with her hand in Kadaj's everything didn't feel quite so wrong.
What: Kadaj is concerned for Lana so he goes to see her and she proceeds to dump gallons of water on him
When: This morning
Where: Lana's room
Rating: G
Something was wrong with his friend Lana. He knew it, and he didn't know what to do. Kadaj had waited by his journal for Lana's writing to answer him, and when it did he was quick to respond. Of course he would come see her. She was his friend and he didn't want her to be upset. If he could help her somehow he would do so. Kadaj hurried out of his room and up the two flights to see Lana. Even in his hurry to see her he still remembered to knock politely first. "Lana, I'm coming in, all right?" He didn't want to startle her, after all.
Lana's head flew up from where it was resting on her journal. So much pain, internal and external. That combined with not sleeping a good deal was exhausting. She'd managed to stop crying to convince everyone she was alright...well almost everyone..or at least try. The last thing she wanted to do was draw attention to the situation. She'd started the pretty little ponies song again. She wasn't sure why she was torturing herself with it. Maybe because the last time she'd hear it..or sang it rather..everything was still okay. They were still silly and happy. Lana didn't wait for Kadaj to enter. She rushed to the door, pulled him in and closed it behind him all in a swift movement before she wrapped her arms around him and buried her face in his chest.
Okay, so she opened the door for him. He thought to say something but she had caught him and pulled him in before he could. A few attempted starts at speaking resulted in confused sputtering. Kadaj blinked, trying to understand what was going on. She was hugging him but it wasn't the friendly kind of hug. It wasn't even the comforting kind. It was yet another kind. Lana was most definitely upset about something. Kadaj remembered that her touch helped him, so he put his arms around her.
Lana managed to hold it together for no more than a couple of moments before her shoulders heaved and she began to cry again. She brought her hands back to the front of Kadaj to try and stop the tears but remained leaned tightly against him. It took her almost as little time to give up trying to stop her tears as it did for them to start. She allowed her hands to rest on Kadaj's chest on other side of her face as she leaned against him, sobbing. She should have felt stupid. She should have felt embarrassed for making such a fuss but she was tired. She was hurting inside and out and her best friend hated her. Really hated her.... "I can't remember the last time I was capable of feeling... this much hatred for one person." At the thought of those words her sobs only increased in violence. The peaceful tune played gently in the background. A lullaby, something pure and beautiful in any other situation.
What was going on? Kadaj felt more lost than ever, and helpless. It felt worse than when President Shinra shot Mother. Kadaj gently guided the girl to a sitting position. It would be easier on her that way. Questions bubbled inside aching to be voiced but he wouldn't pry. Kadaj would let his friend let out her sadness for as long as she needed, and if she felt like it she would tell him what was going on. If she didn't... well... His concern was to help her, not to nose in on business she didn't want to share.
Lana felt her couch come up beneath her and curled up onto it, practically crawling into Kadaj's lap. She hadn't been this distraught in...a long time. Even when she and Clark had broken up..it had been horribly painful but at least she'd been able to feel angry as well. This was just sadness, horrible torment that there was nothing she could do...nothing she could have done. Sobs wracked her entire body for a long time as she clung to Kadaj. Maybe it had been a poor choice to ask Zexion's little brother to help her...but she couldn't...have asked Dilan. He'd seen them in the hall and...she just couldn't. She couldn't face Dilan right now. Not yet. Not with that song playing in the background, not with it playing in her mind, not with so many scenes playing out in her mind. The worst part was that she could still feel the fire..she could remember that heat...it had come from somewhere... She preferred not to think about it. In this situation she would prefer not to think about anything at all. After a very long time of violent, painful, sobs that made her entire body seize her crying began to quiet to just quiet, short breathing and a torrent of tears. She was still trembling violently but at least she wasn't sobbing, each one making her chest feel like it would explode and her head throb painfully.
It was okay that Lana couldn't feel angry. Kadaj was feeling it for her. Once he got over the confusion and puzzlement of Lana's behavior, he started to feel upset. But not upset in the sad sort of way; upset in the angry sort of way. Someone or something had caused Lana to feel sad, and Kadaj didn't like it. The anger started as displeasure, but hearing Lana's sobs and feeling her body shake made the anger build up inside him. Kadaj almost shook a little himself, his arms tightening but still gentle around Lana. Kadaj still didn't have anything to say, but he wouldn't be able to speak past the rage anyway. His gloved fingers stroked her hair. He managed to stay tender to her, somehow.
Lana hiccuped as one did when they had just cried very violently and it was beginning to subside a bit. She curled herself up closer to Kadaj. She was glad, she decided, that it was him that had come to her. She had the feeling that anyone else would have already been questioning what had happened but it would have only made it worse for her to try and voice it. Not only that but she didn't particularly want anyone to know what she'd done. It was so nice to just be held silently as her crying slowly began to quiet. Her crying had finally settled into sniffling and random hiccups. The tears hadn't stopped falling but they'd slowed considerably. Kadaj was warm and smelled of leather, there was only one more comforting smell she could think of at the moment and it wasn't one she wanted to think about. The room was beginning to blur more than from the tears.
For a brief moment he felt glad. He had been sad not too long ago and Lana had been there to comfort him. Now he was doing the same thing for her. Kadaj was glad his arms were strong enough to hold her even as she shook violently against him, and he was glad he was big enough for her to let her feel safe. This idea of friendship and being kind to other people was still fairly new to him but he didn't need to think about what he was doing at all. Just holding Lana, just being there, that seemed to be the most helpful thing for her. It sounded like her tears were lessening, which must have met she was feeling a little better. Kadaj, for reasons best known to himself, leaned forward so his cheek was pressed up against hers. Her cheeks felt wet from her tears. It was all right. Kadaj didn't mind getting his face wet.
Lana's eyes slipped closed when he pressed his cheek against hers. She didn't know why he did it but she was glad he did. It was nice...She didn't know why but it made her tears flow a little more freely again but it quieted her trembling considerably. She hiccuped again and put her arms around Kadaj's neck. Briefly she thought it was rude of her to be getting him so wet but she didn't figure that was probably what mattered to him at the moment. After several more minutes of sniffling and hiccups she managed a whispered, "thank you, Kadaj," through her tears.
For a moment Kadaj was worried he had somehow upset her again, because he could feel her crying. He considered moving away a little, but then her arms moved around his neck. Apparently she didn't mind his closeness, and her tears were for another reason. That was good; the last thing he wanted was to make her more upset. She spoke to him, which was a good cue to that he should speak as well. "I would do anything to make you happy, Lana," he answered back softly, in that innocently honest way of his.
Lana tightened her hold on him, yet more tears falling silently. She tried breathing steadily for a few minutes, her breaths shaky and uneven. He was so kind to her..always so kind. What if she hurt him too? What if she....no she couldn't even suffer that thought to be in her mind. She closed her eyes tightly, "Kadaj...if I ever.....did anything...if I ever......hurt you in any way I...." She felt that horrible tight feeling in her chest again. "..I'm sorry," she whispered before burying her face in his shoulder again and allowing the trapped sob to emerge. It wasn't painful and violent like the previous sobs but she could feel herself slipping back in that direction. She clung to Kadaj, desperately hoping he could help her stay away from that place. It hurt enough without that violence wracking her body.
That was a bit unexpected. Why would she say something like that? She didn't hurt him. Quite the opposite. Kadaj tried to figure it out in his head. Maybe she was so hurt by someone that she wanted to be sure she wouldn't do the same to her friends? That... seemed possible. "Lana, you are a kind person," he said to her, fingers soothingly combing through her hair. "You have done so many good things for me. You have never hurt me." Kadaj wasn't one to lie about anything. He simply had no reason to do so. So she would surely no that he was being truthful about this. His anger was turning quite murderous. What could have happened to make Lana doubt herself like this?
Lana couldn't make any words past the sobs. Her throat was too tight to make any sound for several minutes. The tears were coming in torrents again. Her fingers wrapped around the strap around a part of Kadaj's clothing as if clinging to him more tightly in any way would make everything go away. Finally she managed to whisper, "I'm not always kind." before she was consumed by another sob. Why did it have to hurt so much?
Kadaj wished he were a bit more... clingable. He would let Lana cling as much and as tight as she liked. It was the very least he could do. At least until he found out what made her so sad in the first place. She was still questioning herself. Rage boiled up inside him. "You are kind to me," Kadaj insisted. "You are the most kind person I have ever known. No one has ever been nice to me before I met you." He had to get her to understand. He pulled away so she could see the sincerity in his eyes. "You are my very first friend, and you accept me and Loz and Yazoo. This makes you the most kind person the three of us know."
Lana sniffled and looked up into his eyes with her tearfilled ones. The tears welled up in them as she looked at him but remained there until she blinked and they fell down her cheeks. She tried to manage a little smile for Kadaj but it was very, very small. She leaned forward again after looking at him for a few moments and rested her head against him again. The sobs stopped again to be replaced by the trembling. She was glad she had never hurt Kadaj. She would never forgive herself if she hurt him.....she still wasn't sure...if she would be able to forgive herself for this. Slowly, very slowly, her trembling subsided and her hiccups were fewer and farther between. The tears still came but they were slow, lethargic. The room was warm and blurry. She hadn't drawn the heavy curtains open because of her light sensitivity so it was fairly dark as well. That was a small blessing. Foggy thoughts of good things were swirling around in her mind. She remembered laughing with him..that was nice..even though remembering it hurt. As her thoughts became fuzzier Lana reached down and took Kadaj's hand in hers. Her eyes fell the rest of the way closed and her breathing slowly became steady and measured. The tears were very few. She still remembered the fire.
Kadaj frowned a little. He needed something comfortable for her. His leather-clad body and his hard furniture simply weren't good enough. He needed something comfortable for Lana... a blanket, even, would be better than nothing. Kadaj spotted one neatly folded on one arm of the couch. It was close so he didn't have to reach far. It felt fuzzy and warm, just the right thing for Lana. He pulled it out so it would cover both of them. That should be better. Kadaj let his hand close over Lana's in a comforting way, firm but still gentle. "I will stay right here for as long as you want me to," he whispered to her. And just because it felt like the right thing to do, his lips delicately brushed on her forehead.
A little smile bloomed on Lana's face at his words but her sleep, pain, stress addled mind could only summon enough energy for a small, wordless sound that was like a happier form of a whimper. Lana didn't feel much better. She wouldn't feel better. But she didn't feel so much despair with Kadaj there. That feeling of permanence was back. It was comforting. Her breathing slowed and deepened until she slipped into the dark warmth of sleep, curled up snuggly with her hand in Kadaj's everything didn't feel quite so wrong.