96.7 - three hun dred six ty five de grees

[hard-talker.livejournal.com]

[at ten o'clock, Concrete Blonde's rendition of the now-familiar Leonard Cohen tune comes BLASTING out of the journals, at full volume, as loud as Harry can make it go. no one's ignoring him, this week. even if you've got your journal closed and locked in a drawer, you're probably going to hear him.

yes, him - not just the music. as the first verse really starts to get cooking, it's cut off by a loud, pronounced, mechanical whine... the only warning the residents get before their resident shock jock and newshound starts hollering into a megaphone aimed straight at the journal]

BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP! HEY, EVERYBODY! THIS IS NOT A TEST OF THE EMERGENCY BROADCAST SYSTEM! YA KNOW WHY NOT?! 'CUZ WE AIN'T GOT ONE! That's right, folks! If this had been a set of first-generation fuckhead assaults on the castle itself, and not just a few outposts, we'd ALL BE ON VACATION RIGHT NOW! And to top it all off, one of the crazy violent asswipes we had locked up down in the basement? POOF! Gone like rum balls at an Al-Anon meeting!

So, no, hey, you don't get any happy little list of new people, and you don't get to hear all the quaint, crazy shit we comparatively sane people got up to, and even more, you don't get to hear what I've found out from the folks who went wandering out into the Great Beyond. No. No, you don't. And you know why?

Because this is fucking unacceptable. With the exception of a handfulla people whose voices I heard pipin' up over the last couple've days to help out? YOU ALL FAIL. Yeah. Even those of you who went on the expedition. Even me. Yes, EVEN ME. You know why we're all sucking on a six-foot long, foot-wide faildick right now? Because NONE OF US have an emergency plan in case this kinda shit goes down. We're all so wrapped up in our little crazy "Oh, my friend's a cat" lives that we don't stop to think how fucked we are if we actually turn our backs for too long.

And believe me, I've talked to a few people who just came back with rock-solid, titanium-plated proof of just how utterly dry-boned on a paddle-less raft in Shit Creek made outta swiss cheese we could be if we don't watch it. So LET'S GET TO IT, Paradisa.

I wanna see some fucking initiative. Let's all get some kinda fucking plan worked out. I wanna hear from each and every ONE of you about what the HELL you intend to do with yourself if shit like this happens again - because let's face it, it will. As much as we all wanna stand around with our heads up our asses, enjoying the smell of our own shit and the castle's jizz, we gotta GET WISE. Somebody - or a group of somebodies - needs to step their ass up to the line and help getting our mutant ducks in line.

And before you ask, wisenheimers, don't even look at yours truly. Think about it. Do you REALLY want a teenager on a Irish Spring Diet to tell you where to go in case of emergency? Because, if you do? Well, sorry, I'm just gonna tell you that you can take your unprepared ass right on down to hell.

[he switches off the megaphone, finally, and sighs. the journal picks up one last grumble:]

Jesus motherfucking Christ, what a bunch of puke-guzzling sheep....

[before he turns on the stereo again, still at full blast. happy post-expedition, post-raid Monday, Paradisa.]


[Filtered to Hermione Granger; written]

Sorry if your ears are bleeding, but I had to make sure I had their attention. I've got the list of new residents if you're still collecting statistics.

[/Filter]

Comments

[hard-talker.livejournal.com]

Thanks. Question is: did it work?

[youfallback.livejournal.com]

I'm more than willing to establish an emergency plan. [Pause, before a little stiffly:] But we might need a group rather than just one person.

[hard-talker.livejournal.com]

Yeah, that's the problem. People make groups and then someone in the group goes home, and fuck-all nothing gets done. But ... if you wanna try to throw one together, be my guest. I know plenty've people who give a shit about the State of the Union, so to speak. They just ... need someone t' help coordinate 'em.

[youfallback.livejournal.com]

[The most magical words ever spoken.]

Trust me. I can coordinate them. Give me a few minutes and I'll have something up and running.

[hard-talker.livejournal.com]

You rock. [he sounds SO relieved to hear that, you have no idea]

You're gonna wanna be in touch with people on the Peace Patrol - put up a filter, see if they mind you steppin' up. The guy who runs it, Yuan, is kinda AWOL right now - I think he's on some kinda loss, but no one's found him yet, so he might've even gone home. It's anyone's ball game as far as that goes. Have you met either of the Doctors, yet? They're probably your next best bet, I know Yuan's pretty close to both've 'em.

I dunno. Maybe just having one person in charge is a really fucking bad idea - because I mean, hey. Yuan stuck himself in charge of the Patrol, and look what happened. Maybe this group should be a -- Jesus, I don't know, I was supposed to take government next semester.

[youfallback.livejournal.com]

Copy that. I've been in contact with a couple members, but not in this capacity. I've met one of the Doctors while out of the castle, as well.

[Pause. She's used to a strict hierarchy in terms of group dynamic but some people miiiight have a problem with that.] How is it that you're the one raising questions, HH?

[hard-talker.livejournal.com]

.... Uh, what d'you mean?

[confused teen is confused - but that doesn't mean he doesn't DIG the new nickname]

[youfallback.livejournal.com]

You're a DJ, not a safety expert. Unless you're in charge of emergency response in your free time. Most people who raise questions with the system are the ones who know how it should work.

[hard-talker.livejournal.com]

Oh. [he scoffs a little] Isn' it obvious? I'm raisin' the question because we don't even HAVE a system. First things we all learned in school were what to do if the fire alarm went off. Fire drills. Stop, drop, and roll, hide under your desk in an earthquake, that sort of shit.

People get here, does anyone tell 'em anything like that? Nope. We get "Hey, kitchen's on the first floor, wish for some stuff, have fun figurin' out what you lost!"

[youfallback.livejournal.com]

Emergency plans and safety should be gone over first before any of that. Not that I didn't appreciate the information I did get.

Just because the castle's big doesn't make it impossible to take down.

I'm putting something up now to the Peace Patrol, HH. It'll get done.

[hard-talker.livejournal.com]

FINALLY, someone who talks like they've got something between their ears and a little optimism to go with it!

Thanks, C. And hey -- good luck.

[youfallback.livejournal.com]

Thanks. Won't need it.

I'll keep you updated on the status of the plan.

[hard-talker.livejournal.com]

Great. ... If it comes up at a meeting, though? I'll be there.

[youfallback.livejournal.com]

Good. We need someone who can talk as loud as you. [Have Carolina-brand compliment!]

[hard-talker.livejournal.com]

[HEH HEH]

Castle Wonderfuck'd be lost without me. Crickets would reign supreme. I'm tellin' ya.

[youfallback.livejournal.com]

Can't have crickets ruling the castle. [With amusement.]

[hard-talker.livejournal.com]

Fuck no! ... Hell, I don't even know what crickets DO other than make that annoying noise and eat grass. Wouldn't be much of a government.

I do have Cohen, though, he could hunt most of 'em down. Problem solved, free dinner for weeks. Right, buddy?

[there is, of course, silence, because iguanas don't talk]

[youfallback.livejournal.com]

Cohen's got a hell of a cold shoulder.

[hard-talker.livejournal.com]

He's pretty warm, actually. ..... He's an iguana.

[youfallback.livejournal.com]

And you regularly talk to your iguana.