paradisalost | Twentieth Sip

[Mal has been enjoying the peace and quiet after that whole slenderman mess. She really should have known something would ruin it. More to the point, she should have expected that speech about how her world worked on belief to come back and bite her on the ass.

Her first clue something is distinctly wrong was when she wakes up in the hallway outside her room. The next big warning klaxon is that her hair is in her eyes, that's definitely not normal. Looking down and seeing more cleavage than had been on show for a long time (ie: any) is the final horrible proof that her life is going to get especailly more difficult. Luckily, the journal is open on the floor to record her displeasure]

What the bloody HELL?!!

[She jumps up to a standing position pretty damn quickly; despite the fact this dress is clearly not designed with movement in mind, and tries her door, which does not open. Well, she's not having any of THOSE castle games, thank you very much. The journal picks up the loud BANG as she tries to punch her door off it's hinges, to no avail]

OH COME ON! What did I do to deserve this?

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[Aaaand nearly sobbing.]

That's too bad. You will of course let me know should she arrive?

I doubt she will, but I'll let you know.

[MORE HEARTBREAK.]

Many thanks- ah, I believe the boiling is over!

[Commence food preparation! He's inhumanly fast, yes, and efficient in movements. Not every idiot is all show.]

[Well, THAT'S perked her interest a little]

You weren't kidding when you said you were good at it.

[Hell yeah, vampire baby! He's really not useless, honest.]

I'm the very essence of humility, madam.

[Bam! Boiled crab legs, deshelled, served on rice with a light white sauce. Magnifique.]

[SO much better than army grub]

Is that a fact?

[Yo ho, yo ho, become a pirate!]

Certainly. Why, my head is so deflated, it's practically falling off my shoulders.

[Clearly, she picked the wrong career path]

Oh, I can tell. You might need a stick to prop it up.

[It's never too late to change!]

Metal rod in my spine, actually. Very uncomfortable. I need constant backrubs!

[Jackrum wouldn't allow that D:]

Uh huh. Imagine that.

[What he don't know...]

Can you? I know I certainly do.

Nice try, Cassanunda.

Nice try- oh, you misunderstand me! I was not propositioning you, perish the thought!

Oh? So that's not what you were doing hmm?

Not at all. Even if you insisted, I would have to decline.

Nice to know you're something of a gentleman.

I am all gentleman, madame. [He'll even take a little bow, so wonderful!]

A rare breed, indeed.

A good cook, a gentleman, and a humble servant to all in need? I count myself so blessed, yes.

[Amused] Modest, too.

Supremely so. And generous, you know I wouldn't even charge for a meal at the place I work if the boss wasn't so adamant on it.

Quite a lover of charity, are you?

Believe it or not, yes. [Enough of that play-flirting, srsns time!] It's every cook's duty to provide food to the hungry, regardless of circumstances.

It's good to see someone caring for a change.

[And right back to flirtatious dork.]

I am the most caring man you'll ever meet!

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