paradisalost | (no subject)

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[filtered away from children kidnapped or otherwise, Slenderman, and anyone exploiting the situation]

[two pages are highlighted: #, and then #; the priest's voice is quiet and gentle]

...The entries currently unearthed skip from 23 to 28 with nothing yet in between. The last known plan the previous victims of 'Slenderman' had were to offer up a human... sacrifice. The end result was the safe return of at least one child -- Deema. There's also-- this.

[he shifts, where he's staring at the blood-soaked tree whose line creeps higher and higher every time he blinks -- or maybe it's his imagination. his mind playing tricks on him, at this point, is not at all beyond the scope of the realistic]

Time is... running out.

[ooc: open for journal or the CREEPY BLOOD TREE if you're lurking]

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[You jackass. He really was going to kill himself, wasn't he? Spike takes the gun coolly and tests the weight of it in his hand before finally gazing back to Abel.]

I thought you had to cut off your head to do it.

A shot point blank from this... it should do the trick.

[they're his kids, man. ;( the kids he shared with Lilith. he'd kill himself over and over ;;]

[There's a moment where he thinks about turning the gun on himself before Abel has a chance to react, but it's fleeting. The idea of sacrificing himself never did appeal to him very much.

He studies Abel as he lines him on his sights.] You're sure about this?

[there is a moment's pause, but there really is no doubt in his mind whether he'd be willing to do this or not for their sake.

he offers him a resigned smile.]

I'll see you again before you know it.

[He doesn't smile back. He leaves a stretch of time, like he's giving him a moment to say any prayers he has in mind. But Spike isn't usually the kind of guy to hesitate or second guess himself, so you can bet that he's going to do exactly what he came there for --

-- which is why, instead of pulling the trigger, he abruptly hits the release as if he's done the same thing hundreds of times before, causing the cylinder to open and the cartridges to fall to the ground, then he quickly tucks the empty gun into his waistband.

Never should have handed it over, Abel.]

[...

the smile dissolves, slowly. what...?

his eyes remain on Spike as silver spills into the ground between them, and the gun is tucked away.]

...

[This is what happens when you trust people.]

Sorry, I might have lied there. [He's not looking up though; he knows Abel could take it back if he tried, but Spike would put up a fight for it.] I can't let that happen.

...Why, Spike?

[vaguely hurt ;( yeah, he did trust you...

had you said no... he simply would've dropped it at that]

[He can be a bastard if it's the fastest way to get a point across. He just feels better telling him after he took the gun away, since this isn't the first time it had come up.]

Because I don't think it'll bring them back.

You didn't have to come all the way out here to say as much.

[it isn't like Spike taking the Peacekeeper would prevent him from following through. ...if he wants to do it, then... he'll do it regardless. for those kids, he'd do anything...]

Much as I appreciate your opinion... there aren't many other options on the table, are there?

[No, but he actually cares about this.]

I had my reasons. [He already told you he wasn't going to try and kill you; he's not even convinced a bullet would work from what he told him.] If all that demon wanted was a sacrifice, then he wouldn't have gone through the trouble of setting this up.

I'm willing to take the risk, considering the alternatives.

[his life =/= their lives. even just one tipped the scales in their direction by far. and even if it were to do nothing... what would he lose but a few days' time? it seemed a small price to pay for the chance of doing good...]

...Haven't you ever loved someone, Spike?

... [Had to go for the uncomfortable questions, didn't you? Spike didn't come out there to talk about himself, and he wouldn't unless he thinks it's the only way to change his mind. For someone like Abel, someone that's lived that long, it must be easy to lose some perspective on what it's like to die; you never come back quite the same as you left.]

If I did... [and if it wasn't just a dream...] I think she's dead now. I think it was my fault, and I think that's why I got myself killed.

But I can't remember exactly.

... My death didn't change anything. I might not even remember what she looked like, but I know she's not here. That's not the way things work.

[bro ;( Spike's answer is a sad one... is this woman his loss? it's another brick in the wall of disdain for this place he used to love so much.

his sigh is a tired one. there are no efforts at upholding pretenses anymore. he's just... tired. worn down. at wit's end. sad, for everyone -- all the children, all their loved ones, everyone beat down and suffering and...

he tilts his head down]

...This isn't the last stop in the route your soul will take. I believe that much.

[fingers loosely grip the rosary hanging over his stomach]

But I believe you know, even if you can't remember her... you would have given your life up for so much as the whisper of a chance of saving hers. Wouldn't you?

[he would have done so a thousand times if it had spared Lilith. he made a promise not to lose anyone else... bro, surely you understand...]

That's the nature of unconditional love.

[That's the kind of response he'd expect from a priest. But Spike's situation isn't unique. There's plenty of people who were on their way out when they took the same detour, with no way of knowing if there's anything else down the road. It'd be a lot easier to accept if he could remember why -- then maybe he wouldn't be standing here right now.

As nobel as Abel makes that sound, Spike has been around too long to take what he says at face value. Even if it's only a temporary way out...]

Is that why you're doing it?

[what other-- reason... would there...]

[... ;(

Spike. you're... not supposed to do that to him. couldn't you have let him go on thinking he was justified and making the unselfish choice? he doesn't want to acknowledge anything else.]

...

[yes... that is the reason. but it's... far from the only one. damnit bro ;(]

[Abel doesn't have to say anything. Who could blame him? After everything he's told him...]

-- Well, I'm the last person who should be giving advice. [He smiles faintly and reaches for the gun again, drops it on the ground near his feet.] But if you're going to die, do it without regret. It'll be a hard recovery if you don't.

[he looks down on the pistol at his feet, soft frown of perplexity and conflict at his brow. ~~hnnnnghhh stupid... Spike, having stupid... logic...~~]

...Do you think I would?

[have regrets, that is. he's genuinely asking]

[He manages a shrug. That's not his call.]

Depends on how much you care about who's left. [Because whatever happens, you can't do anything for any of them when you're dead -- a lot can change in a few days time.]

[AGH that's... not fair bro ;(...]

...

[He might be speaking from his own experiences. It wasn't so much a choice, but a very conscious decision when he went to face Vicious that last time. He knew he wasn't coming back when he left Jet and Faye with barely a goodbye.

Abel isn't the same as him.]

That's the problem with making friends.

[AGH don't say that... becoming a hermit is too tempting lately Spike :(]

...I don't know what to do, Spike.

But doing... nothing, is... not an alternative...

[The damage is already done, bro. :'( Spike's gaze goes to the tree again, like it could give them an answer. He can understand the frustration; he doesn't have a good track record with the supernatural.]

... All those clues and he didn't leave anything useful, huh?

[soft shakes of his head... nothing they can piece together in a way that makes sense. there are too many holes, too many questions, too many doubts and...]

...They're only children. Out of all of us, they most definitely... should be immune from this.

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