Issue #10 - Shame

[a-guardiandevil.livejournal.com]

[So, after freeing himself from his isolation tank, Matt had been avoiding people. His rather embarrassing and public display of both rage and frustration had been completely against his will. He didn't like who it made him. Now Matt's in the church, one of the few places he (ironically) feels at peace. His journal's open next to him as he prays.]

Elektra...I'm sorry. I never wanted you to see me like I was a few days ago. The fact is, the whole reason I became Daredevil was to take revenge on the Kingpin for killing my dad. My anger was what drove me for years, tempered only by my faith. When Stick came along, he taught me the skills, and he taught me the same control he did you, but he didn't stick around, didn't make sure I'd follow his teachings. Ultimately, it was my overconfidence in my abilities that's blinded me, even moreso than my accident. Made me think I was invincible, they did. This place...it messes with me. I can't see everything the way I ought to. It didn't bother me at first, but the more intimately I got to know this place, the more it bothered me that there were places closed to my radar sense.

I didn't mean to scare you. Like I said, I never wanted you to see those parts of me. I'm up in the church if you want to talk face to face.

[With that filter out of the way, he's just gonna chill up in the church, for anyone curious enough to find. Come bother the beat-up blind guy!]

Comments

[fishy-go-byebye.livejournal.com]

[Del's never been religious. She's never been consistent about anything, though, so why start now. A church is as good a place as anywhere to hang out for a while.

So now she's seated - has been seated the whole time? was never seated? - near the back of the room, watching glass glow.]

[a-guardiandevil.livejournal.com]

[Matt senses her presence on the edge of his awareness. He'd been so preoccupied with his own thoughts that he'd barely registered Delirium on his radar. Everything about her seemed chaotic, her heart didn't beat with anything resembling a normal rhythm, nor was her breathing regular. About the only thing Matt could lock onto was her smell. She smelled...actually...a lot like he did when he was out on patrol. Matt turns to "look" at Delirium, turning an ear towards the bizarre young woman.]

Beautiful, aren't they? The windows I mean.

[fishy-go-byebye.livejournal.com]

They tell a story walls can't get out.

[a-guardiandevil.livejournal.com]

[Matt has to laugh a little at that. He's never heard a more fitting description of stained glass windows, as he remembers them.]

That they do. Did you know that the original purpose of having stained glass windows in church was to educate people on the bible? Since most everyone in the middle ages was illiterate, the church used pictorial representations of different popular biblical stories to convey the messages found in the text.

[fishy-go-byebye.livejournal.com]

Vernacular worked better.

[merriment.livejournal.com]

[a-guardiandevil.livejournal.com]

[Matt registers the soft footsteps, and the rapidly-beating heart of a child on his radar. It was strange, he thought, how many children had been brought to the castle. Considering how dangerous the castle could often be, it wasn't exactly the most kid-friendly of places. He smiles a little bit when she starts praying, feeling grateful that he wasn't the only one who still honestly believed. He knows better than to ask who or what she's praying for, as it's kind of like asking someone what their three wishes were. Instead, he crosses himself, and turns to face her.]

Here I thought I was the only person in the castle who actually came here to pray. Nice to know I'm not the only one who's still got faith.

[merriment.livejournal.com]

I often come to visit Father Abel for tea and cakes, but I always take the time to ask for well wishes for my loved ones. For my new friends as well as the old, and for my family.

I miss them.

[a-guardiandevil.livejournal.com]

Ahh, so you're one of Abel's friends. I should have guessed. Guess that makes you one of mine, too. My name's Matt...Matt Murdock.

[He smiles warmly. He knows how it feels to lose one's family.]

Sounds like we've got something in common.

[likethetragedy.livejournal.com]

[Of course she decided to show rather than write back to him. The familiar sound of heels clicking announces her presence a long time before she actually goes to take a seat next to Matt. This is one of those times she's happy he's blind. She's exhausted. Between him and Peter, she's had a lot on her mind. Elektra could barely sleep on a good night much less now.]

You wanted to talk. I'm listening.

[a-guardiandevil.livejournal.com]

[Matt, obviously hears the clicking of her high heels long before she even enters the church, and he can hear the exhaustion in her voice as she speaks to him. He crosses himself, and looks at her, taking off his sunglasses, so he can "look" her in the eye.]

Elektra, I...I don't know what to say. I'd love to be able to say that that wasn't me last week, but that's just it...it was. I was aware of everything that was happening, I just...I couldn't stop myself.

[He sighs, pinching at the bridge of his nose.]

It was as though something brought out my worst personality traits, and left them in control. Honestly? I'm grateful you did what you did for me. I don't know what would have happened, what kind of damage I would have done if you hadn't.

[Matt looks like he might cry again, but he doesn't. Rather, he just looks kind of pitiful.]

[likethetragedy.livejournal.com]

[Elektra shakes her head. It was true she was unnerved by his behavior. Not his anger though; it was that self destructive streak and seeing him cry that really bothered her.]

Matt... you've seen me at my worst. Do you really think I can't handle seeing you at yours?

[She sighed in frustration.] I hated seeing you like that but, what I hate more is you thinking that this is something you ever need to hide from me. I care about you. There's no conditions or exceptions to that. I may not have known you as long as I have the people I'm close to here but, you were the first person I ever let in. Doesn't that count for anything?

[a-guardiandevil.livejournal.com]

I know, I know. You're right. I just...I don't even like to admit to myself that I can be like that. This whole thing made me face a part of myself that I thought was long buried.

[More sighing, and Matt's clutchin' that crucifix in his hand awful tightly.]

All right, that settles it. From now on, no more secrets...from either of us. If we're really gonna give us a good try, we need that honesty.

[fishy-go-byebye.livejournal.com]

[Del's never been religious. She's never been consistent about anything, though, so why start now. A church is as good a place as anywhere to hang out for a while.

So now she's seated - has been seated the whole time? was never seated? - near the back of the room, watching glass glow.]

[a-guardiandevil.livejournal.com]

[Matt senses her presence on the edge of his awareness. He'd been so preoccupied with his own thoughts that he'd barely registered Delirium on his radar. Everything about her seemed chaotic, her heart didn't beat with anything resembling a normal rhythm, nor was her breathing regular. About the only thing Matt could lock onto was her smell. She smelled...actually...a lot like he did when he was out on patrol. Matt turns to "look" at Delirium, turning an ear towards the bizarre young woman.]

Beautiful, aren't they? The windows I mean.

[fishy-go-byebye.livejournal.com]

They tell a story walls can't get out.

[a-guardiandevil.livejournal.com]

[Matt has to laugh a little at that. He's never heard a more fitting description of stained glass windows, as he remembers them.]

That they do. Did you know that the original purpose of having stained glass windows in church was to educate people on the bible? Since most everyone in the middle ages was illiterate, the church used pictorial representations of different popular biblical stories to convey the messages found in the text.

[merriment.livejournal.com]

[a-guardiandevil.livejournal.com]

[Matt registers the soft footsteps, and the rapidly-beating heart of a child on his radar. It was strange, he thought, how many children had been brought to the castle. Considering how dangerous the castle could often be, it wasn't exactly the most kid-friendly of places. He smiles a little bit when she starts praying, feeling grateful that he wasn't the only one who still honestly believed. He knows better than to ask who or what she's praying for, as it's kind of like asking someone what their three wishes were. Instead, he crosses himself, and turns to face her.]

Here I thought I was the only person in the castle who actually came here to pray. Nice to know I'm not the only one who's still got faith.

[merriment.livejournal.com]

I often come to visit Father Abel for tea and cakes, but I always take the time to ask for well wishes for my loved ones. For my new friends as well as the old, and for my family.

I miss them.

[a-guardiandevil.livejournal.com]

Ahh, so you're one of Abel's friends. I should have guessed. Guess that makes you one of mine, too. My name's Matt...Matt Murdock.

[He smiles warmly. He knows how it feels to lose one's family.]

Sounds like we've got something in common.

[likethetragedy.livejournal.com]

[Of course she decided to show rather than write back to him. The familiar sound of heels clicking announces her presence a long time before she actually goes to take a seat next to Matt. This is one of those times she's happy he's blind. She's exhausted. Between him and Peter, she's had a lot on her mind. Elektra could barely sleep on a good night much less now.]

You wanted to talk. I'm listening.

[a-guardiandevil.livejournal.com]

[Matt, obviously hears the clicking of her high heels long before she even enters the church, and he can hear the exhaustion in her voice as she speaks to him. He crosses himself, and looks at her, taking off his sunglasses, so he can "look" her in the eye.]

Elektra, I...I don't know what to say. I'd love to be able to say that that wasn't me last week, but that's just it...it was. I was aware of everything that was happening, I just...I couldn't stop myself.

[He sighs, pinching at the bridge of his nose.]

It was as though something brought out my worst personality traits, and left them in control. Honestly? I'm grateful you did what you did for me. I don't know what would have happened, what kind of damage I would have done if you hadn't.

[Matt looks like he might cry again, but he doesn't. Rather, he just looks kind of pitiful.]

[likethetragedy.livejournal.com]

[Elektra shakes her head. It was true she was unnerved by his behavior. Not his anger though; it was that self destructive streak and seeing him cry that really bothered her.]

Matt... you've seen me at my worst. Do you really think I can't handle seeing you at yours?

[She sighed in frustration.] I hated seeing you like that but, what I hate more is you thinking that this is something you ever need to hide from me. I care about you. There's no conditions or exceptions to that. I may not have known you as long as I have the people I'm close to here but, you were the first person I ever let in. Doesn't that count for anything?

[a-guardiandevil.livejournal.com]

I know, I know. You're right. I just...I don't even like to admit to myself that I can be like that. This whole thing made me face a part of myself that I thought was long buried.

[More sighing, and Matt's clutchin' that crucifix in his hand awful tightly.]

All right, that settles it. From now on, no more secrets...from either of us. If we're really gonna give us a good try, we need that honesty.