129.

[oirokenojutsu.livejournal.com]

[private]

I knew he'd find out eventually, but I didn't think it would happen so soon! Last time was awkward enough with the Christmas wreath shit, but I don't know what to do now. I panicked so I lied. [a pause] Okay, fine, technically I didn't lie, but I know what I meant when I said things have changed! I was lying. Nothing's changed about me. Nothing in the way I feel has changed since he left the first time.

[a worried pause]

I wonder if he hates me or thinks I'm disgusting like the last time he was here. Hell, I know he's going to avoid me more now but that doesn't change much, hehe. Not like I'll let it stop me.

Still...

I wish I could change. I almost wish I could stop this so things can be at least slightly normal, so this can be one less thing to worry about. I'd do it for him if I could, but I can't. It's not like I wanted these feelings to fucking begin with. It just happened. It was different then and now I'm stuck and more confused than ever. I hate how he can do this to me without even trying or giving a shit in the first place.

[a long pause and a sudden, annoyed scoff] Argh, screw this! Even if he looks at me with those... pitying disgusted eyes, I don't care! It won't stop me.

I just won't look.

[/private]


[grumble grumble and sounds of struggling as he tries to take off his name tag that says "DEAD LAST" in huge letters on it]

AAARGH! I'M NOT A FUCKING DEAD LAST!!!

[tries to... punch it off but that only sends him flying into his own wall T_T SHUT UP, HE'S STUPID]

Ow, shit.

...

[a groan when it still doesn't come off] Are we sure there's no way to take 'em off?